Dating a narcissist is very toxic. Not only does the relationship lead nowhere, but it also drains you of everything good that you have in you.
The point of a relationship is to have someone in your life who you love and loves you too, uplifts you and makes you a better person. The person has to be a companion and not an enemy.
Unfortunately, many are in a relationship with an enemy; that is what being with a narcissist is. If you are in a relationship that is taking from you to the point of draining you while you get nothing back, it is a toxic situation and you should have nothing to do with that.
Sometimes, we don’t even know we are in a relationship with a narcissist because of how clever they are in making you feel they are the best thing to ever happen to you.
If you find these qualities in your partner, then you are dating a narcissist:
They pursued you relentlessly at first
We all want to be pursued and made to feel like someone loves us and that is okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to know that the person who you are in a relationship with loves you and wants to be with you. However, you need to be wary if someone pursued you desperately and relentlessly; it is something to be cautious of and not to be flattered about.
Love grows, is nurtured and freeing. The person will love you will indeed pursue you and let you know how they feel but they will also free you to make a decision and be okay with your decision. However, if you are still not sure, a narcissist will only pursue you at the beginning and show you how toxic they are once they have gotten you. Admittedly, this point is tricky because some people do this out of ignorance as well, so watch out for the other qualities as well.
They are selfish and self-centred
With a narcissist, it is always about them. They like being the centre of attention; they want everything to be about them. Many people say humans are naturally selfish and I am forced to agree but if you are with someone who makes EVERYTHING about them, then there is a problem.
A narcissist doesn’t care or want to know how you feel, as far as they are happy, that is all that matters to them. A relationship is supposed to be symbiotic and if it isn’t, you have no problem being there. One of the ways to know this early is when you are with someone who talks constantly about themselves (especially with an exaggerated air of self-importance) and doesn’t bother to ask you questions to know as well.
They are condescending and have an air of self-importance
A narcissist has an air of exaggerated self-importance. They feel like they are the best and they constantly put you down. A narcissist has an obsession with being the most important and the only way they can do that is by putting others down and the sad part is that when you dwell in that environment for too long, you begin to believe it and question your self-worth.
They are abusive
Similarly to the above, a narcissist is very abusive. Some of them are physically abusive and others are both physical and emotional. An abusive person constantly attacks your person when there is a disagreement instead of addressing the issues. With a narcissist, even when there is no need, they enjoy being abusive.
They are insecure and possessive
A narcissist is actually insecure and that is why they always feel the need to put others down. So they are constantly trying to keep you only to themselves and isolate you from others. They know that being with other people might make you see the light and might grow your self-worth again for you to see the need to leave, so they try preventing that. They will exhibit extreme jealousy and you might begin to think it is out of love but no, it isn’t. It is out of a need to possess you. Love gives freedom, it doesn’t possess, especially as you are a human being and not an object.
They are sweet when they notice you pulling away
A narcissist is always scared of you discovering your worth and leaving, so when they notice you are pulling away, they automatically become sweet again and you might be forced to think that you were assuming all the toxic behaviours. If someone is only sweet to you when you are pulling away from them, you need to be wary.
They pick at your flaws always
Nobody is perfect, even though we all should work toward perfection and the truth is we might not ever get there. So while you should still seek to be better, you shouldn’t be in an environment where you are constantly made to feel like the worst human being ever. You shouldn’t be with someone who never appreciates you when you do something right but is quick to mention your flaws. Your lover should accept you as you are while encouraging you to be better, so a lover doesn’t dwell only on your flaws, a narcissist does.
You are always at fault
A narcissist never accepts faults. To them, they are perfect and never do wrong. Any time there is an issue, a narcissist will put all the blame on you. They are very experienced in finding a way to make you seem dramatic when you complain about something they did and make it seem like you are the one at fault.
You are unhappy
What better sign do you need to leave a relationship besides the fact that you are unhappy? A relationship is for companionship and a companion should make you happy or at least prioritise your happiness. If you are unhappy, that is a sign you are not in the right environment.
You are worse off in the relationship
Similarly, you were better off when you were not in the relationship. Any relationship, romantic or not that is not uplifting you and adding something positive to your life is not good for you. If you find your life getting worse, if you find yourself constantly drained, then you are most likely dating a narcissist.
They don’t like any of your loved ones and vice versa
Your loved ones can see through them, so they don’t like them. They know your loved ones can see through them, so they don’t like your loved ones. When all or most of your family and friends don’t like your partner, then it is something to be wary of. One or two, you can afford to overlook but if it is most of them, then there is a problem.
One thing you need to remember is that a narcissist is very experienced in manipulation, so to get out, you have to be smarter than them and you have to be determined to love yourself. Love yourself enough to find a place where you are loved fully. I will also say that sometimes, it is easy to point fingers at others when we are the ones with the problem actually. You should also check yourself based on this list and ask yourself, I hope I am not a narcissist?