If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
This text from the Holy Bible emphasizes the importance of laying a good foundation.
Builders will tell you that the foundation of a building is perhaps more important than every other part because the foundation will determine what will be built on it.
So also the foundation of any structure, including relationships, need to be properly set to ensure the stability and durability of the relationship.
There are so many things we should do and definitely, that would set the pace of the relationship.
If you are recently in love and you want to make sure your relationship stands the test of time, all you have to do is avoid these mistakes you shouldn’t make at the beginning of a relationship.
- Being a Control Freak
Sometimes, it can be cute to be bossy but when you are a control freak, it can wear anybody out. In the first place, it is expected that you both have dated to get to know each other to some extent.
If you didn’t like what you saw then, you shouldn’t have proceeded to a relationship. But since you are in the relationship, it is expected that you do like the person and who the person is, so if you are trying to change your partner and make them into another you, it will not be pretty.
Your partner is an individual, appreciate it.
2. Pointing Out Every Flaw
Closely related to the above, your partner is a human being with flaws and weakness, so you shouldn’t expect perfection.
One of the greatest mistakes most people make in a relationship is to expect perfection from their partner. Your partner will have flaws, that’s what the dating period is for, to know if you can handle the flaws your partner is coming with.
You cannot keep pointing out every flaw, you should overlook some.
3. Losing Romance
After a while, it is easy to lose the romance and stop putting effort to “date” your partner. As much as you can, still “date” your partner and put effort into looking good for them, appreciating them and all.
Don’t begin to take them for granted because you have gotten them now and you don’t think they are going anywhere.
4. Not Being Yourself
Sometimes, we are likely to want to impress the other person that we become someone else. Don’t fall into that trap of not being anybody but yourself.
Don’t lie about hobbies, change your dressing, friends just to satisfy the person. If the person doesn’t like the kind of person you are, then maybe, they are the right person for you.
You are only good for any relationship when you are being yourself, so don’t lose yourself, whatever you do.
5. Lack of Communication
Communication is one of the main ingredients of a good relationship. Once you lose communication, you might as well not be in a relationship. Some people talk a lot without saying anything.
While there is a place for saying beautiful nonsense, there is also need to have serious conversations where you talk your feelings, issues of life, goals, dreams, expectation, likes and dislikes, so you can understand each other.
6. Dishonesty and Keeping Secrets
If you want your relationship, then you cannot afford to keep secrets or be dishonest. A relationship built on lies cannot stand; it is as simple as that. You have to be truthful to your partner and let them know every important detail that they need to know or it is just a matter of time before the relationship hits the rocks.
7. Comparing your Partner to your Ex(es)
Another mistake you should definitely avoid making is comparing your partner to your ex; that is like comparing your present with your past.
They are both different and you should start your relationship with your present on a clean slate; making different memories with them.
If you know you are not over your ex, then you should wait to be over them before getting into another relationship. One question you need to ask yourself is that if your ex was so great, why are you no longer with him/her?
8. Being Too Clingy and Needy
We know you love your partner and that’s enviable but you need to give them room to breathe. Clinginess and neediness are never advisable in a relationship.
It makes you seem desperate and too possessive and the person will feel smothered. People need room and space to sometimes be on their own or invest in other relationships in their life.
You need to have a life outside them with family, friends, self-development and let them do the same.
9. Being Pessimistic
Some people enter relationships expecting it to fail. The mind is very powerful, that is why psychologists say you are what you think. You cannot start a relationship with a failure strategy in place.
Put your all into the relationship, expecting it to work but if it ends up not working, it won’t be because you didn’t do something. Commit to your relationship and stay positive and it most likely to bring back what you expect.
10. Badmouthing Your Ex(es)
You might think your partner wants to hear it but constantly badmouthing your ex doesn’t give you a good look. It ends up making you look bitter.
Now, you can tell your partner about your ex and let them know what happened with your past relationship. You can even tell them the gory details but once you have, there is no point always dwelling on it.
Your present partner doesn’t want to make the relationship about your ex(es) and all they did wrong every single time they want to spend time with you.
11. Being Nosy About Their Finances
At a point in the relationship, especially when you are talking marriage, you should talk finances and how it will play out in the home, however, when you are dwelling obsessively on their finances, it can come off offensive.
It is okay to expect that your partner discloses their financial statement when marriage talks get into it, but you should try always asking them about their finances, you might come off as a gold digger even without intending to.
12. Ignoring Red Flags
A successful relationship is not always one that lasts forever, sometimes, it is equally successful when it makes it clear to you that you don’t want to be in a relationship with that person. Don’t ignore red flags because you want a relationship to last, pay attention to them for your own sake.
The beginning of a relationship will determine how a relationship will do, pay attention to doing what you should do and avoiding the mistakes that could destroy you or the relationship.