Meeting his mum for the first time can be really nerve-racking. Even if your boyfriend or fiance assures you about how great his mum is, you know it never really calms us down. We all know how many of our men are with their mothers; we know for most of them, her approval matters. Even when you are not with a mummy’s boy, you still want to be accepted and loved by his mum.
The truth is that mothers come in different forms; we have the angels and not so much of an angel but in all cases, you can do your own best by giving her a good first impression. The truth is that sometimes, we are not ready to take responsibility for our actions and just prefer to put all the blame on the mother as the one who is being hard to please.
But we need to also watch ourselves; how did you present yourself to her? There are certain things you need to do when you’re meeting his mum for the first time:
We are all about being yourself and dressing the way you feel comfortable but everybody knows that there is a difference between what you wear to hang out with friends and what you wear to a corporate environment.
In the same way, while you want to be yourself, you should put in mind that there is an appropriate dressing for meeting his mum.
You should ask him how conservative his family is and find a balance between your style and what would not offend them. You want to give off a responsible vibe and not a sexual vibe, so keep that in mind as well.
2. Bring a gift
This is very effective, especially, if you are visiting their home. Gifts are usually a way to people’s heart. However, don’t go overboard so it doesn’t seem like you are trying too hard or insulting them with the gift.
You can never go wrong with a bottle of wine. If they are teetotalers, then make sure it is non-alcoholic wine. If he has younger ones, you can buy a box of chocolate or some candies for them.
You could also ask his advice; he might give you some insight on what to take along.
3. Keep to time
Remember that you are trying to make a good first impression. The last thing you need is to give his mum the impression that you are tardy. If she gives a particular time for you to meet her, keep to it. Even if it is at their home, she might be a busy woman who has other things scheduled for the day. However, if you are going with the son, it might be more flexible even though you should still get him to keep to time.
4. Do your research
By research, I don’t mean go on Google, I mean to speak to her son about her and try to find out how she is like and what she likes. You have to also give him the “I am interested” vibe and not the nosy vibe. So keep the questions less intrusive and let him know you are interested in knowing his mum. Chances are that your boyfriend would have told you a lot about his mother already, so keep those things to mind.
5. Be sensitive to family culture
In case of cultural differences, learn about the culture to know what is acceptable and what isn’t. Even in a case where you are from the same race and culture, family values may differ and sometimes, ignorance might not be easily forgiven.
So learn all you can and at least, let them see you are making an effort. Don’t look down on any part of their culture just because you don’t understand, people can see through such things and it sticks out sometimes.
6. Compliment her but don’t patronise
You can throw a compliment or two her way. Compliments make even the best of us warm and receptive. Don’t patronise her, she will most likely see through it. You can talk about her hairdo, the arrangement of her home, how grateful you are to her for her son, her clothing or something she takes pride in.
7. Be yourself and don’t be too desperate to impress
Yes, you are in love with her son and yes, you want her to approve of you but try to be yourself and don’t be too desperate to impress. This woman was once a young lady like yourself, more experienced due to her age, so chances are she can see through a phoney. Don’t go pretending to be what you are not to get her to approve of you. Be comfortable in your own skin.
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8. Be honest
You don’t want your partner’s mum to catch you in a lie; that would be the worst thing ever. Please, stay honest. Don’t hide from your truth. This doesn’t mean you should over-share and bare all your secrets. It simply means as brief as possible, say the truth about what you are asked without necessarily going into details. The details might be necessary for her son, but not her. She just needs to know the basics but let the basics be true.
9. Be polite
Be courteous and polite, even to the youngest member of the family. “Please”, “sorry”, “thank you” will never be old-fashioned. They will always be in style, so if you are not used to saying them, please learn those simple manners before meeting his mum.
10. Let her set the pace of the conversation
You might be a chatterbox or talkative but that is not the time to show your skills. As much as you can, let her set the pace of the conversation. Don’t hijack the conversation and run with it. Follow her pace.
11. Keep an open mind
A lot of times, due to the stories we have heard about overbearing and smothering mothers-in-law, we tend to run with it. If you go with that mentality, chances are that you will judge everything she does and give it a negative connotation because you expect her to be a certain way. Keep an open mind and give her a chance, you just might find an awesome bonus mum in her.
All these will not automatically guarantee a smooth-sail but it will get you started when you are meeting his mum for the first time. Like I said in the last point, keep an open mind, put all the extra points to heart, and hopefully, she will respond favourably as well.