You’re in a relationship and you’re trying to figure out if he really loves you or not.
You know that he acts like he loves you, but something inside tells you that there’s something off about it.
Is it possible for a man to pretend to love someone?
The answer is yes, it’s very much possible for a man to pretend to love someone.
Here are some signs he pretends to love you:
10 Signs He Pretends To Love You
1. He Does Not Communicate
One hallmark of a healthy and balanced relationship is communication.
It is indisputable and cannot be overlooked.
A healthy relationship that is based on mutual love survives and thrives on communication.
Communication is not just about talking.
Communication can be carried out through words and actions.
Everyone cannot be an excellent, all-star communicator, nevertheless, true love communicates.
Do not forget that, indeed, true love communicates.
It is very important to hold on to that fact.
A man who loves you will communicate his feelings to you clearly.
So, if any communication of any and every kind is lacking in your relationship, you might need to take mental stock of the situation.
Communication also involves listening.
Does he listen to you? Do you feel heard? Do you feel like you hit a brick wall while relating to him? Then, he might be pretending to be in love with you.
For a man who is truly in love, his communication is crystal clear.
There is no ambiguity and no room for doubts.
2. Zero Accountability
True love is accountable.
A man who loves you is accountable to you in everything.
You don’t have to force accountability if the love is true.
When the feelings are there, and the motives are pure, accountability is effortless.
A man who truly loves you will accept responsibility for his actions towards you and for how he makes you feel in every way.
Don’t be deceived, a man can be accountable to you when the love is pure.
You don’t have to settle for less.
3. R for Responsible
Love is responsibility.
Confessing and admitting that you are in love is declaring and claiming responsibility.
If it is love indeed, the man will be responsible towards you.
He will be answerable for his actions that affect the growth and progress of the relationship.
A man in love understands that a relationship is a responsibility, and he is required to do everything in his power to take care of it.
If the love is real, you won’t have to force him to be responsible towards you and the relationship.
A responsible man reciprocates the gestures you make towards growing the relationship.
If you find out that you’re the only one running up and down to make the relationship work, it’s a clear sign he pretends to love you.
It’s not uncommon to find some men declare to high heavens how much they love you, but their actions never match their words and you’re left to wonder.
That’s a huge sign right there, babe.
You don’t just talk; you walk the talk—if your intentions are right.
So, don’t be deceived by love declarations that do not translate to actions.
4. Does He Show up?
A man who is pretending to love you shows up just enough to not be suspected.
He does not have to be there a hundred percent of the time, but if most of the time, you discover it is more absence than presence, he’s not around when you need him, he does not show up, and he’s never there, he might be faking his feelings.
True love shows up. True love makes you feel that you’re not alone.
A lot of women are in a relationship, yet feel so alone—like they’re in it alone. No emotional support whatsoever.
If this is you, review your relationship.
5. You Make all The Plans
A man who loves you will want to spend time with you.
He will make time for you. You won’t have to force him to spend adequate time with you and devote attention to you.
If you are the only one making the plans all of the time, chances are that you are the only one in love.
If you find yourself always advocating for spending time together as a couple, you just might be dating yourself.
Think about it.
6. He Avoids The Challenges of The Relationship
No relationship is perfect.
Every relationship is unique in its own way and comes with its own challenges and difficulties and problems.
That difficulty arises in a relationship does not mean it is wrong and it certainly does not signal the end of the relationship.
But solving the problems in a relationship fosters union, intimacy, and closeness.
It also prolongs the lifetime of the relationship.
Leaving challenges lying around for too long is injurious to a relationship.
When a man avoids dealing with the issues of a relationship, a high chance exists that he might be pretending to be in love.
After all, dealing with the problems that exist in a relationship would indicate progress.
Only a man who is truly in love invests in the progress of a relationship.
It takes a lot of mental and heart work to move a relationship forward.
Pretense will not cut it, and nor will it see it through.
A man who is faking his feelings will avoid the work, and he simply will not do it.
So, if, as a woman, you are the only one bothered about the challenges and problems in a relationship, you need to have a rethink.
7. He Says He Loves You When He wants Something from You
Every woman loves to hear the three magic words consistently from their men.
But if you have noticed that he only tells you that he loves you when he wants something from you, such as money or physical intimacy, then this could be one of the signs that he pretends to love you.
He might be saying those words just so that he can get what he wants from the relationship.
8. He Only Shows Affection When Others are Around
If your guy only shows affection when other people are around and never when you are alone, it’s because he wants them to think you guys have a good relationship and don’t want them thinking otherwise.
That’s the height of pretense if you asked me.
9. He Doesn’t Want You to Meet His Family
Most people are eager to show off their partners to the people they love — their parents and siblings.
But if your boyfriend is pushing back on the idea of introducing you to the people who raised him, it may be time to worry about whether he’s in this for the long haul.
10. He Avoids talking about the future
If he’s not talking about the future with you, it means he doesn’t see one with you in it.
He might be taking things slowly, but if he’s not making any effort to make things serious, then it means that he doesn’t want to commit himself or make things serious with you.
Most of the time, women can tell if a man loves them or pretending to.
This article is just a confirmation of what you’ve been suspecting.
A healthy relationship based on mutual love and interest is not a taboo; it is possible, and you can have it.
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Wow you’re head on with this thanks so much
This is to all the men out there in honor of my two sons you deserve exactly what women deserve someone to love you honor you affectionate honesty and all things that go with love so quit wasting all that you have inside of you that is wonderful and well worth waiting for give it to the woman that deserves it she will get back I promise and go get it baby
@Lesa pickard, if only that was true about a woman we would be living in a much better world
@Manuel, maybe you have been meeting the wrong women. There are good ones around.
My baby daddy is the exact definition of a man pretending to love you…I love him..I know most of his family members, but he’s not interested in knowing mine…we’ve known each other now for 20 years…and he hasn’t even made this official…should I walk out…I want to settle
@Linda, hello dear, first ask yourself are you in LOVE with HIM or are you in love with the THOUGHT of being in love. Or are you in love with the person you WANT him to be rather than the person he is. If you believe you’re truly in love with him, the way he is now, then why? What do you love about him? He’s left you feeling unsure of your place in his heart and your importance to him. He is not concerned about the fact you want a stable, firm, committed relationship for life because he’s making no efforts to move in that direction. You’re the mother of his child but he hasn’t made you his wife or given his child a secure family unit so how is he proving that you’re any diff to him than anyone else he’s dated? Also,if he truly loves you and sees a future with you then he would want to meet your family and know the ppl that are most important to you and you to them. He would want to hear stories with your family about your childhood and learn every detail about you and what makes you..well you..and happy. You shouldn’t be forced to ask strangers questions you already know the answer too. You deserve to be their one and only option they want. Not be strung along while they’re debating other options. You’ve known him 20 yrs? I think you have patiently given him plenty of time. He knows that as much as he’s doing right now is just enough to get you to stick around because you’ve shown him that for 20 yrs. Stop sticking around sweetie. You don’t want your precious child to get the impression that the bare minimum is sufficient for them to receive to constitute a healthy relationship. You feel your child is worth more than the bare minimum if they were in a relationship right?? You’re worth it too sweetie. The longer you settle and remain unfulfilled,the longer the man that deserves your time and your heart has to sit by waiting to meet the woman of his dreams. You’re worth everything that you’re looking for in a relationship, maybe the person you’re looking for it from is the one that isn’t worth it. Show him your worth by seeking out better things. YOU matter! Hope this helped or at least gave you a bit to think about Best of Luck Hun.
@Kat, this is so true thank you for posting this I neededto be reminded of this.
Sincerely.
Heartbroken Tennessee Girl
@Linda,
If you’re finding yourself begging for the love you richly deserve then you’re wasting time , everyone has the same 24 hours and your partner needs to put into the relationship the same and more.
Love is unconditional!
@Kat.. true words
@Linda,
Don’t waste time…move for something better.
@Kat, omg you are so on point with that. Thank you I needed that!
@Linda, how can you possibly think someone is pretending to love you for the past 20 years? Are you kidding me? He needs you! Not your family who will probably ruin everything anyway like it has done for him in the past relationship/s
He’s a smart man and I applaud him for learning from his past mistakes or paying attention to someone else’s.
@Kat, you are so full of yourself lady! My God, is this really how all women think or is it just you? So you want her and child to leave him because he is not what in your opinion is what a guy should be ? Get real! At least you can recognize the fact that they’ve been together for 20 looooong years, but you put it as “patiently “ been waiting for 20 years. I can bet that you are single and if for some strange reason you are not (God please help him) I feel really bad for what this guy thinks he has to put up with and if you’re reading this(her guy) GET OUT!!! While you still can, I can make you one guarantee and only one you will ever need, you ready? Read this carefully please. Here it goes, brace yourself buddy, here it is: “THERE ARE OTHER WEMEN OUT THERE IN THIS WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN” I promise you that and they are all different from one another in many ways especially ones who don’t walk the earth feeling entitled and like they know it all and who try to change you and even tell you how to think.
@Manuel,OMG, spoken like someone who has settled. Your spelling dictates your lack of schooling. People, women and men….. don’t settle. Albeit no one is perfect but want more for yourself.
@Linda,
Linda hun, If you are in a relationship with a man for twenty years or have known him for twenty years, you have a child with this man, And he still has not yet made this official? Then what I would do is pack my stuff and leave.see if it bothers him. Make him realize what he will be missing If he does not commit to you.
@Dean, your right I’ve been wasting my time, giving him excuses for everything. I think I’m in love with him, more than he is with me. Now I’m sad and heartbroken 💔
Thanks so much
My husband of 24 years matches every single one of those signs.I know everything i was feeling and still feel is valid and yet he trys to make me feel like i’m the crazy one. Apart from that I found out 8 yrs ago that he had cheated on me with 3 different women.I have several children with him and worry that it will affect them signficantly if I were to divorce, especially the younger ones’. But this relationship has and is taking a toll on me and I’m ready to be happy and more so to know how it feels to be truly loved.
@Amy, I’m sorry to read about your stupid husband cheating on you. That you don’t deserve, I can’t tell you to leave him but I cannot tell you to stay with him because your decision will most definitely affect you kids no matter at what age but the decisions is yours to make and only yours because every relationship is different and only you and him live in this relationship. I can tell you however what I would definitely do if I was in your situation. Fuck him! He doesn’t deserve you, he’s no good! If he cheated on you in the past I can guarantee that he is without a doubt cheating on you right now and will continue to do it as long as you allow him to do it. I would pack up and get ready for what’s coming and that is a new life! Seriously! A new life! Love is not something you need to ask for, love is given freely and you know when it’s there because you feel it in your heart genuinely. Love is joy and it makes you happy and so naturally you give it right back. Let me tell you something that I know, if a man loves a woman he will genuinely make you feel it! You will feel it in your heart without him having to tell you that he loves you. I made the mistake of not showing my wife how much I love her without words and I lost her and how I wish I could go back in time to be a better man. Not the perfect man but lust a better man, the one who showed her how my heart feels and the man she deserves. She is the mother of my two beautiful daughters and we were together for 28 years and how I wish I could be with my “Amor” this moment to show her how much I love her and I would move mountains for her and hug her so tight and cry with her and never let her go. If your husband is cheating on you I’m sorry but he doesn’t deserve to be with you anymore. You deserve to be with a man who will move mountains for you without you ever having to tell him that there is one in your way. Be happy but it’s not going to come knocking at your door introducing itself as “Hello I’m Happy “ I’m not saying go out there and find love until you do either! I’m saying just to move on from where you are choosing to be right now and what you are doing to yourself right now, trust me your kids will understand what you needed to do for a better life for all of you. It is only you that is living your life so it is only up to you to make the decision and that decision is the key to that door to freedom from that husband of yours who never should have had you to begin with. Fuck him! Sorry not sorry!(bout language)
@Amy, I’ve been married to my husband for 29 years we were kids when we first me he was 14 i was 16 we have spent our whole life with another we went through the teens years our 20s our 30s and now we are both half way over the hill at the ages of 43 and 45 and I have been lied too and cheated on so many times I have lost count with not only with girls I’ve know nothing about but with my close girlfriends and yes my bf since we were 5 needless to say we no longer talk but I’m still with my cheating husband, I have no answer other then I love him and I have seen him be an amazing loving, caring man but i have also seen the lying cheating monster that comes out at night. I’m to the point where I’m exhausted and I’ve totally turned into someone that I hate being No matter how many times I’ve told myself I’ve had enough he ALWAYS seem to make me fall for him again and again. I just wanna live the rest of my life not having to worry about if he truly loves me or just with me because its a “habit” or whatever it seems to be, I also honestly don’t know how life would be without him because hes my only life I know. I can proudly say I have never cheated i was always to busy with the kiddos but now they are all out on their own it always made things a little easier back then because i had the kids to keep me from making myself crazy not knowing where he is at times, but now i have time on my hands , but i also believe that i over think things too but how would i know if hes grown out of that stage? You would think being in his 40’s he would , I just wanna be happy and experience a different way of life and live i wish you luck I hope you find your happiness soon . I’ll be thinking of you !! I hope i didn’t bore you with my life’s story and that’s just a tiny piece of my life Wish you tons of Luck !!
Why is it only about man?? The exact same points apply to woman also.. Amd god knows there are many pretender women out there.
@The Real Man, A lot more than women will ever admit.
@The yes there are.
This is a good article.
Thank you.
You think you know everyone by just a few but unfortunately not all of us are created equal. Sorry, not sorry!
Hey- I’ve been with my man for 20yrs. Had a 3yrs old daughter before our friend ship. He adopted her since then because her biological father is not in her life. We planned a wedding about 6x which never happened. I backed out every time the time gets closer. I’ve been pregnant for him 3x and lost them all. Now a have beautiful daughter for him and still not married. I feel that we are not on the same page with our friendship. He worked a lot and I takes care of the kids. He’s done everything for us except spending time with us. I know for a fact he’s not cheating. I brings home him pay check every week and give it to me. I run the household and take care of expenses. I feel deeply that our friendship is only base on caring for the family. Not our love together. He refused to go out on dates with me. It doesn’t matter how much I have asked him. He only goes on family trips, vacation and so forth. Nothing with us together. I feel alone most of the time when the kids are at school. I craved him attention. When he’s home from work he just sleeps. He doesn’t like communicating at all. So I’m just left confused most of the time.
I’m in a relationship right now but I’m not sure if the man I’m dating is really serious in our relationship.
THANK YOU ALL THOUGH I THOUGHT THIS ,IT REALLY HELPED SEEING SOMEONE ELSE SAY IT!
I feel like I am not feeling loved in my relationship anymore. We had a really deep and long discussion about my feelings the other day, and I was clearly upset about everything. All I heard him say is “It’s sad that you didn’t come to me sooner”
good thing he does te complete opposite of all of these <3
strange they are like that