Ideally, couples should be each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
They should see each other as an extension of themselves, so if one person wins, the other wins.
I remember watching a house tour video of Adrienne Bailon – now Houghton.
In the video, she got to her husband’s Grammy Awards collection and called herself a Grammy Awards winner because, according to her, “What’s his is mine too, since two has become one.”
I believe that’s a healthy mindset to have, but that only happens with a couple who are marriage goals.
Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world, so not everybody thinks this way.
For some people, marriage is about competition and one-upping the other.
At the risk of being stereotypical, this is an issue men face more, though, because of societal ideals that they should be on top.
So, a man might be comfortable if he is doing better than his wife.
But if the reverse is the case, he may start to feel uncomfortable.
Sadly, some may end up being your opp when they should be your biggest supporter.
Let’s take a look at some signs your husband is your enemy in progress.
7 Signs Your Husband is the Enemy of Your Progress
1. He guilt-trips you
We’ve already agreed that a husband who loves you will want to see you grow.
But if every time you try to do something for yourself, he makes you feel bad about it, you don’t need a seer to tell you that’s not love.
Nobody who loves you will manipulate you into thinking there’s something wrong with you shining.
Rather, they will push you even to do better than you think you can.
So, if you want to take a new job or start a side hustle, and instead of cheering you on, he acts like you’re abandoning him or the family, he’s guilt-tripping you so you don’t grow too big.
He’s trying to make you afraid to fly and keep you small.
And as we all know, most women already deal with the guilt of whether they’re doing enough for their families.
So when your husband is echoing that voice in your head, it’s easy to agree with him and begin to shrink yourself.
But you must understand that if your husband loves you, he won’t encourage you to shrink yourself.
If he constantly makes you feel like choosing yourself is selfish, it shows he’s not rooting for your progress at all.
2. He discourages you
I mean, it goes without saying; he doesn’t want you to do well.
So, he won’t encourage it.
Instead of being your person who is pushing you and saying, “Go for it, you’ve got this,” he will be the one listing a thousand reasons why you’ll fail.
For instance, when you mention your goals, he will immediately shoot them down or laugh them off.
Some may directly tell you you don’t have the skills or talent for it, while some will try to sell you fear to make you doubt yourself.
Now, we are not saying your partner should encourage your delusions.
While you can indeed do anything if you put your mind to it, we also sometimes need to make realistic choices.
But there is a way a man who loves you will present it that would still sound encouraging.
And if he sees it really means a lot to you, he will support you.
He won’t be your biggest dream-killer.
Like I said, it might not always be direct, but subtle digs, dismissive comments, or simply ignoring your efforts are all red flags.
Because over time, all these will chip away at your confidence and make you second-guess yourself.
And that’s not something a husband should do; he should be lifting you, not making you stay down.
3. He never supports you
While your man might not be able to do everything for you when it comes to your dreams – depending on what it is, of course – he will make sure he’s there for you.
He will show up for you, encourage you, and make life easier where possible.
So, it should raise eyebrows if your husband never backs you up, whether emotionally, mentally, or practically.
No worthy partner leaves you to fight your battles alone.
You shouldn’t feel like you’re dragging him along whenever you want to pursue something meaningful.
A man who refuses to clap for you or lend a hand when you need it is honestly making a statement: he doesn’t want your progress to outshine his comfort.
4. He resents your success
There is no bigger red flag than this: a man who hates it when you do well.
A normal man who loves you will celebrate your wins.
But if he sulks, acts cold, or finds ways to remind you of his own struggles when you have things to celebrate, you are likely living with your enemy.
He might also show his resentment by making snide and sarcastic remarks or showing constant moodiness whenever you achieve something.
It is because he sees your progress and growth as a threat, not a victory you both can enjoy.
Unfortunately, he sees you as a competitor whose light dims his own.
He shouldn’t, but opps are hardly reasonable, even when they are your husband.
5. He harshly criticizes you
Constructive feedback is normal in relationships because you want your partner to do well.
But constant harsh criticism is toxic; not only is it unhealthy, but it also shows your husband is your enemy.
If every step you take is met with negativity, you’re with a man who wants to break you down, not build you up.
Again, your husband can critique your work with the intention of making you better.
But criticism to tear you down is never from a good place.
If you have the kind of man in question, you will find that he will never point out what you’re doing right and only focus on tearing you apart.
It’s because he’s showing you he doesn’t want you to grow.
6. He is controlling and possessive
When you’re making progress, it comes with the territory that you will change.
And there’s nothing a controlling partner hates more than change because it threatens their grip on you.
So if he was mildly controlling before, he will increase the intensity.
For instance, he will start dictating where you go, who you talk to, or what you can pursue.
It’s because he can see you take flight and is trying to clip your wings, so you don’t fly beyond what’s comfortable for him.
Sometimes, he might disguise it as love, but really, it’s about keeping you small so you don’t outgrow him.
A man who truly loves you will want to see you blossom, even if it means you become more independent.
But if he’s constantly holding the reins too tight, so much so that you can’t shine too much, he’s an enemy of your growth.
7. He downplays your success
Another sign your husband is your enemy is if he downplays your success.
You land a new opportunity, smash a goal, or finally achieve something you’ve been working hard for, and instead of celebrating, he will brush it off.
He might say things like, “It’s not a big deal,” or “Anyone could have done that.”
All that’s to steal your joy and make you doubt yourself.
Ideally, he should be letting you know he’s proud of you.
If he can’t do that and acts like your wins don’t count, then you don’t need anyone to tell you you’re dealing with an enemy.