Men have been taught to chin up and not express weakness, so a lot of men who are suffering from difficult marriages may not be as willing to open up as their female counterparts.
But I mean, it is one thing to open up to the public, it is another thing to tell your wife.
The thing, though, is that even telling their wives is a struggle for many of them because many don’t know how to be vulnerable.
I know I would want to know if my husband is struggling in our marriage.
And I’m sure a lot of women would agree as well.
If you agree with me, you must first understand that your husband might never outrightly say, “You are difficult to deal with,” even if you are.
So, you have to watch out for subtle signs your husband finds you difficult to know how he feels.
I discuss those signs in this post.
When you notice them, you should immediately know that something is wrong and seek redress if you want to keep your home.
8 Signs Your Husband Finds You Difficult but Won’t Tell You
1. He withdraws from conversations instead of engaging
Yes, I know we say men are not expressive, and that’s true, in many cases.
But from experience, I have seen that when men feel safe and at ease with you, they will talk to you.
I noticed this with my male friends and even my brother.
For some reason, they talk to me.
They open up and are willing to be vulnerable.
That contrast between the dynamic of my relationship with my friends and what I knew of men used to make me wonder until I realized the reason they speak to me is that I made them feel safe.
Now, I’m not saying this to blow my trumpet.
But to let you know that all you need to do is get a man to feel safe around you, and he will eventually talk.
Even when the topic is uncomfortable, you will see that he will still try to meet you halfway.
That’s why a good way to know something is up is when he starts pulling back, giving short answers, or acting distracted whenever you bring something up.
If you’re experiencing this in your marriage, it usually means he has decided that engaging you is too much work.
This especially applies if you had a man who used to talk to you.
If he has always been silent since you got married, then maybe that’s who he is, or he could still be afraid to open up due to past experiences.
But if he used to talk to you and now suddenly clamps up, something is wrong.
Very likely, he is not avoiding the conversation itself; he is avoiding how the conversation usually goes with you.
He has seen that you’re difficult to talk to.
So instead of expressing himself and risking tension, he is choosing silence.
2. He avoids bringing up issues, even when something is clearly wrong
You know those moments when something is off, and you can feel it, but he insists everything is fine?
Yeah, that usually happens when a man no longer feels it is safe or productive to speak up.
Because ideally, if he did not find you difficult, he would bring things to you directly.
He would tell you when something bothers him because he trusts that you will listen and you will both talk it through.
But when your husband keeps sweeping things under the carpet, it is often because he expects the conversation to turn stressful or draining.
So, he would rather avoid it than have to deal with that.
3. He agrees quickly just to keep the peace
The problem with this is that you might initially think he is being easygoing.
So, it won’t raise your alarm.
I mean, it’s difficult to think something is wrong when you suggest something, and he goes along with it immediately.
Now, while your husband should not ideally push back on everything you say, he shouldn’t also agree with everything you say.
He is not a robot, and you are not the same person.
Even if he would eventually agree, in a healthy relationship, every party should be able to air their opinions before a compromise is reached.
So, when a man consistently lets you have your way without saying anything to disagree or even give a different perspective, it’s likely because he finds you difficult and doesn’t know how to express it.
You’ve shown him that disagreeing will cost him, or you won’t listen anyway.
Therefore, he has learned to handle it by not even bothering to share his thoughts.
He has learned that having a different opinion leads to friction, and he doesn’t want that.
4. He spends more time away from home or in isolation
Now, everyone needs space.
That is normal.
But when your husband consistently chooses to be away, you need to take a second look.
You should be more bothered, especially when he is often mentally checked out, even when he’s home.
Sure, things could happen that could affect him mentally and may make him pull away.
Some men handle stress that way.
But it won’t be a daily occurrence.
Usually, when a man feels relaxed around his wife, he wants to be around her.
He looks forward to coming home.
And when he’s home, he spends time with her.
But if home starts to feel like a place where he has to be careful or brace himself for tension, he will begin to stay away.
Many men are very desirous of peace.
If they don’t find it at home, they will stay away — if not physically, then mentally.
5. He seems emotionally guarded or less expressive around you
Another sign is if your husband is only guarded when you are around but seems free with others.
Ideally, your man should be even happier in your presence.
This is not to say he should be sad around others and laugh only in your presence.
But it’s an anomaly that your man opens up without hesitation around others, and then is more reserved or careful around you.
When that happens, it means your man doesn’t feel safe or at peace around you.
For instance, maybe you make him walk on eggshells because you make everything an issue.
Or he feels like his words might be misunderstood or used against him.
It could also be that talking to you feels like pulling teeth, so he has learned to edit himself in real time.
You’ve knowingly or unknowingly shown him that it is safer to say or do less.
So, he’s basically rewarding you by being more reserved around you.
6. He hesitates before sharing his thoughts or opinions
It is one thing for someone to be tactful in general when speaking and another to always hesitate to say their mind.
So you need to pay attention when your man always has these “should I say this or not” moments.
For example, if every time you ask him a question — even harmless questions — he never freely answers them, something is wrong somewhere.
Because when a man is comfortable, his thoughts will come out more naturally.
He won’t feel the need to overthink every sentence before saying it.
But when he finds you difficult to talk to, even simple conversations can feel like a risk.
So he will slow down, filter himself, or change what he was about to say.
And sometimes, he will just decide it is not worth it and keep it to himself.
7. He becomes easily irritated over small matters
This one might confuse you because it looks like the problem is the small things, only to find out that the small things keep blowing up.
If this is the case, more often than not, it is not the small things; there is something ọrẹ lurking under.
I remember a marriage counselor talking about a couple he once counseled who were having petty fights that always ended up heated.
After probing, he found out the woman was resentful because she was exhausted from doing all the domestic chores, while the man was frustrated that she wasn’t responsive in bed.
Most times, those small issues are a result of frustrations that have built up over time.
If your man is frustrated because of your behavior and doesn’t have an outlet to express it, it will show up in other ways.
For most men, they could be more irritable and aggressive.
Because sadly, they believe aggression is a manlier emotion than expressing their feelings.
So he will lose his patience easily and have an issue with even the smallest things, especially things that didn’t used to bother him before.
8. He stops making an effort to connect or resolve conflicts
A man who is enjoying his marriage will try.
Even when things are not perfect, he will make an effort to fix them and make sure you both find your way back to each other.
But if he finds you difficult, he may feel like it’s not worth the hassle because every attempt leads to stress or misunderstanding.
In fact, he may be slowly giving up on the marriage.
Therefore, he doesn’t even feel the need to fight for a resolution.
So, when your husband doesn’t fight with you or make an effort to resolve issues, you really need to find out if it’s not because he feels it’s no longer worth it to fight for a woman who makes life difficult for him.