Marriage ceremony is a beautiful event. often times, it is glamorous and well attended. However, as the occasion ends, couples then face the reality of living together and building their home. No matter how old-fashioned this advice is, couples need to be told the first and following years of their marriage will be challenging because ivilization has made marriage even more complicated these days.
First year of marriage is challenging because you’re getting to share your personal space with someone else, about combining finances, working around the career of you two, having to share engagements of two families, the stresses of being a young adult are not exempted, and you are feeling the realities of married life as well, coupled with the increasing cost of living. You suddenly have to deal with double issues as you equally have to consider your spouse when you think about yourself.
Those who are married know that marriage isn’t a bed of roses, despite the sweetness in it, it could hit rough patches at some point as well. Research has it that how couples handle the first few years of their marriage could make or mar it.
Despite the fact some couples have been together for years, marriage is a whole new ball game from dating, when engaged or cohabiting, because in marriage you might start to notice things you didn’t pay attention to while dating. “Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener”.
Here are few realities in the first year of marriage
Marriage feels different from Dating/Courtship
While you were dating, you may just have to tell your partner your moves without necessarily having to seek their consent all the time before executing your plans, while its very necessary to carry them along in all undertakings when married. Having to adjust in such area may not be really easy in the first few years of marriage.
Feeling let down after the wedding
Sometimes individuals may still be basking in the euphoria of their big day. It may be weird thinking that the glamorous life-changing event has come and gone within a twinkle of an eye. Getting back to the usual routine with no regular calls from planners, no cake tasting, no showers or wedding gift can be an upheaval, but trust him you will be fine.
Wanting your personal space again
Unlike when single or dating that you have to set convenient time to meet or hang out, without anyone having to intrude your personal space, being married means the probability of living together is high. Now you have to eat together, spend days and weekends together, attend family gatherings together, holiday together and do most things together. Adjusting may be overwhelming, that you sometimes feel like having a “me-alone time” contrary to the “we or us” with the though that you are losing your personal identity. But, you can negotiate some hours or space to yourself to re-evaluate.
Seeing yourself answer to being someone’s spouse
It may look awkward having to answer to being “A’s wife or A’s husband”, it’s pretty more difficult for women who have to adopt their husband’s last name. Sometimes, you see a woman still introduce herself with her maiden name in the first year of marriage, but with time, she gets used to bearing the new family name
There is no manual for marriage operation
Many times, people have an expectation of what an ideal marriage should be, especially if they have friends or close family who are already married. Being rigid about the ideas of how the first year of marriage should be may affect one. So, its better to be open enough to accept the way it comes. first year of marriage should be the happiest time of one’s life, but it may be challenging because you are just getting to know more about the identity of your spouse and what it feels to be a married couple. Its better to do away with it “if, should, ought” in order to handle situation.
Chores and other responsibilities might overwhelm one and hinder fun
Unlike when married that you have to do things at your pace, now the thoughts and time put into making life changing decisions, paying bills and having to take care of family especially when kids arrive may change things that couple often forget to set out time for fun, because they now believe there is more to life than having fun. So, its better for couples to have regular date nights, it will give them some romantic moments to look forward to before and after having kids.
Conflicts would definitely happen
The fact that couples had misunderstandings when dating and engaged is enough reason to keep it in mind that such disagreements may continue to happen ocassionally even when married. Having contrasting views that causes argument isn’t a bad omen for your marriage, but a reminder that it isn’t easy for two persons to have a unified thought.
People around may be jealous of your new status
As much as it is difficult to say this, it is a fact that some persons such as colleagues, friends, neighbours and associates may get a bit or more jealous of your new status. Some may even tease you of flashing the wedding rings on your finger. Some may distant themselves from you in attempt to give you space, but turn the table that you ignored them because you are now married. Just stay positive and don’t let such attitudes if any get the best of you.
The need to negotiate Extended families
The times spent with extended families in the past may need to be adjusted when married. You may need to negotiate varying preference, values and beliefs unlike with families whom you may have spent more time in the past, doing a lot of activities together even in the process of wedding preparation and you need the support of your spouse for this. It may be necessary to set boundaries as well as making efforts to bridge the gap of understanding in the first year in order to set foundation for those relationships henceforth.
It’s okay to know your spouse may change
It’s better not to freak out if you find yourself thinking that your partner has changed and doesn’t look like the person you married. You may not be surprised that you have also changed overtime, because everyone is aging and of course getting more mature. It is not to say that one should tolerate unpleasant behaviour, but its to be flexible enough to realise that things may not be the same forever. Just relax and enjoy the reality of life.
Being able to weather the storm in the first few years of your marriage doesn’t mean you should rest on your laurels, but continually work on making your marriage better, remember the success of your marriage relies on the willing effort of you and your partner to make it a happy and lasting one.
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