There is no marriage without hiccups, however, the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. For people who have found true happiness and tranquility in their marriages, they should endeavour to keep nurturing their love, because the strongest marriage can be ruined if care isn’t taken.
Many couples strive hard to maintain a healthy marriage and have a happy relationship, but eventually things may still fall apart if they refuse to address the little things that are often ignored, but can ruin a marriage at the long run.
Simple Things that Ruin Marriages
Not meeting each other’s needs
Everybody in a relationship have a specific needs they want their spouses to fulfill, but sometimes, when couples don’t speak about their individual needs and one partner assumes the other has same need as them, problems may arise when these expectations are not met. Some spouses may have unrealistic expectations in their marriage anyway.
When anyone feels unhappy, it is important to first examine reality. One will be happier if one shape one’s expectations to fit the reality of one’s situation.
If for instance, a spouse wants a very expensive gift from a low-income partner, then that may be unrealistic and could bring about unhappiness which arises from unmet need.
Interference of third parties
Married people need to prioritize their own needs above third parties’. Your spouse deserves your strongest loyalty. If your spouse takes the second place to other people in your life, if friends and extended family get more of your time, energy and respect, then your marriage may be ruined. When your spouse gets undivided attention, when you set appropriate boundaries, then you have a healthy and undivided home.
While you should give family and friends a time and a place, this shouldn’t affect your marriage in any way.
Being married is learning to say “no” to zealous guests, pushy in-laws or nosy friends. It is also important to minimize conversations about your private life outside the marriage.
Poor communication.
To maintain a healthy marriage, it’s important to spell out things that are bothering you as they come up; otherwise, you’re giving room for resentment and fights. This is why some people bottle up their emotions and later react at the slightest thing that shouldn’t have cause conflict in the first place.
Nobody can correct problematic behaviors if they have no idea their spouse is having issue with them. Expecting your spouse to be a mind reader when they are not could ruin your marriage. Talk about anything, both the good and the bad.
Blast from the past
They say “time heals wound”, but previous betrayal of trust, unresolved conflicts, and unforgiveness may ruin a marriage. When a hurt partner is held hostage by fear, sadness and anger over old bruises, then the marriage is heading for doom.
Talk issues through, accept what can’t be changed, change what can. Soothe your soul and be free to restore love and joy in yourself and your partner after a genuine repentance from the other person.
Using Hurtful Words
Some people are fond of using harsh words in order to shame, demean, and belittle their spouses. Words are like eggs, once broken, cannot be retrieved. Regardless of how sorry you are afterwards, the damage would have been done.
Saying hurtful words to your spouse is a form of verbal abuse, it can wear on your partner and make them unresponsive and care less about you. All the sorry in the world won’t take back the sting of your angry words, once unleashed on your spouse.
Instead of using words as a weapon, use them as a balm to heal, comfort, encourage and uplift your spouse. “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.”
Putting the children before your spouse
Spouses are usually guilty of diverting their attention to their child/children neglecting the demands of their partners. The kids are important but remember your spouse has been before the arrival of the child and equally needs you.
Also, both partners are meant to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. You shouldn’t act as if you are the only parent of your child, unnecessary mediation when your partner is disciplining the child is not advisable. If you don’t agree with your spouse on how to parent, talk it out later in the absence of the child.
Most kids would want to have their way if they know pitting their parents against each other works fine. This can lead to a disastrous result when it becomes routine behavior and the other parent ends up feeling disrespected and unloved.
Unappealing sexual life
Lack of creativity in bed can stifle even the most passionate of lovers, cause distress, disappointment and disconnection. Great sex life happens when two partners discover ways of being intimate, thereby feeling safe and having mutual satisfaction.
Sometimes, it is not about whether you like or dislike sex, it is much more deeper and important than that. Your spouse needs to connect with you on a physical and emotional level.
When spouses are open to discussing more about what they feel, think and want in intimacy, then the “doing” will follow and great sex is assured.
Openly Criticizing, Belittling, and Making Fun of your spouse to Family and Friends
When you openly criticize and belittle your spouse, you not only demean them, but you also poison those closest to you. Family and friends are forced to take sides, and the probability that they choose your side due to their loyalty to you is high.
Your family and friends don’t know much as you about your spouse, except what you present to them. If you are constantly badmouthing and belittling your spouse, then they will view him/her as a bad partner for you, despite the good moments you both share.
When you speak poorly of your spouse, your close friendships and relationships will remain irreparably altered against him/her, in time, this can destroy your marriage. Your spouse will never understand why your folks are mean and don’t like him/her.
Keeping secrets
A healthy marriage may be ruined when spouses don’t make a point to talk about their day and worries, innocent as they may be.
Telling “white lies” to each other is one of the easy ways to cause problem in the marriage. Since relationships are built on trust and if you can’t own up to little things, it’s going to be a lot harder to get the guts to tackle important conversations.
Never Being Happy
One of the fastest ways to ruin your marriage is to act miserable and unhappy most of the time. You have an obligation to be happy to achieve peace and happiness in a marriage.
It is important to know that if your happiness comes from other people or having things or external circumstances, then you may never be happy.
Everyone gets pissed off, frustrated and irritated at some points, but there is a problem if you are always angry, bitter or resentful all the time.
You can choose a different way of responding to the circumstances than giving attitude. Sometimes suck it up, pull your boots on, and show up in your marriage as the person you’d like to be rather than being unhappy.
Just tell yourself daily that; “I can see peace” and then, work to see the peace that is available to you.
Unnecessary jealousy
Everyone has insecurities, but consistent jealous behavior and manipulative comments create obvious wear-and-tear in your marriage
There is a huge difference between asking about how the day of your spouse went and grilling them about every moment they are away. Understand that your partner has dealings with other people and learn to accommodate such association while giving them the benefit of doubt that there is nothing more.
Ingratitude
Gratitude goes a long way in making your spouse happy and it encourages them to do more. Say “thank you” for the things your spouse does, even when you feel it is his/her responsibility to do so.
Letting stress control your lives.
Life is stressful, but when couples accidentally let whatever kind of stress come between them, it may be so difficult to get their togetherness back.
While it is hard to find that proper balance between work and home life, focusing on your marriage is still important. Tell each other you’re in this together. Do your homework, make healthy choices and maximize couple time to help each other ease the burden.
When a Couple Stops Dating
A marriage may be ruined when couple quits dating each other. Do not fail to complement the dressing of your spouse, a new hairdo and more.
Remember the romantic things you were doing for each other before marriage and keep doing them. Do not let being married and having to cope with career, family and others deny your spouse of the beautiful things that spiced your relationship up before marriage.
Infidelity
Infidelity is a big deal-breaker, cheating on your spouse will ruin your marriage. There are some lines that cannot be crossed, and cheating is one of them, your spouse may not be able to forgive you for such an act and it will rip you apart.
Disrespecting the Insight, Opinions, and Advice of your spouse
Never underestimate the views of your spouse. When you present a problem to your spouse, they may come up with concrete steps to fix the problem. When you are dismissive, it sends the message that you do not value him/her.
Sharing issues with your partner may not bring about the exact solution, but listen to their suggestions and appreciate them for the input. Before you reject the idea out of hand, take some time to consider his/her opinion, think about it and use the necessary one even if you don’t have to do everything he/she suggests.
Never apologizing or admitting that you are wrong
Marriage is for adults, so it is important to apologize and say, “I am sorry” when you do something wrong, or hurt the feelings of your spouse. Making excuses for bad behavior, or apportioning blame would only make things worse and ruin your marriage.
The success and failure of any marriage depends on the actions and efforts of both partners. Don’t let your marriage fall apart, learn, unlearn and relearn things that can help you run your home smoothly.