They say marriage is a roller-coaster and it’s important for singles and engaged couples to ask lots of questions from married folks before taking marital vows.
However, I feel each marriage is peculiar; no matter how much you know about it, it is better experienced. After all, the taste of the pudding is in the eating.
Here are some of the things I wish I knew before marriage
Apologizing and forgiving will be a regular routine
Owning up to one’s mistake and saying “I’m sorry” will be done regularly.
Forgiveness is a prerequisite . There are days my husband had said “I’m Sorry” for things he isn’t guilty of, in order to prevent me from blowing things out of proportion. I’ve also had to forgive him on some occasions without even confronting him with my grievances. Knowing fully well that its impossible for two individuals from different background to live together and not cross each other’s path will help one move on.
The first year of marriage is so important
The first year of marriage is when the foundation of the home is laid, all effort must be put in place to do it right since the precedence of the next 50years will be set. A lot of things one overlooked while courting begin to matter when married. That’s when couples really get to know their spouses better. I remember a newly married woman said how much she wished she could return to her parent’s house at the slightest misunderstanding in the first year of my marriage, until the husband teasingly told her he is the first family she has now and they are in it together to bring out the best in each other. Then she realized the need to stop kidding and face reality. A lot of couple may be fighting for independence rather than being together and of course this won’t be easy. The earlier individuals realize their status have changed and work for common good of both parties the better.
There will be pressure to have kids
Be ready to deal with external influences pressurizing you to have kids. The funny thing in the few months of marriage is that the family, friends and neighbour become “womb watchers” and assume the woman is pregnant even when she is overfed. Few months after i got married, a lot of people on my Blackberry messenger made comments of my face getting bloated each time i put up a display picture, even when they weren’t sure I was pregnant, the assumption can be tiring.
That I won’t get much space as I want
Sometimes, I feel like having some time to myself, it is just at such moment that my spouse equally wants to spend time with me, not to talk of when i became a mother, the few minutes i have to spend surfing the net must be shared with my little one who also craves my attention. No one told me before getting married that I should be prepared to share my space. It can be freaking tiring but I just have to deal with it.
Marriage isn’t a fairytale
Some days you are head over heels in love, and other days you’d be asking myself why you didn’t choose to be a nun. Marriage isn’t a bed of roses, I guess it is just normal as humans to get bored of same life routine sometimes, but the love one share surpass all. Be sure to rekindle the vibes and keep going.
To see the positive side of Disagreement
Before i got married, I’ve observed that some persons feel couples who disagree have fallen out of love. But after marriage, I realized couples sometimes disagree to agree. Knowing well that it’s okay to disagree by expressing contradicting views in order to agree is for the common good. That we both argue doesn’t mean the marriage isn’t working but it is because we are individuals with different likes, habits, orientation. Of course, we still do respect each other’s opinion and reach a compromise.
Be ready to deal with change
As time goes on in the marriage, a lot of changes occurred that i didn’t envisage at first , from being pregnant, to both of us having to raise the kids, balancing professional life with the family are issues that keeps coming up and we had to deal with. I remember not being able to go on dates with my husband as it used to be when we were dating, because it is either I am not fit to go out or not in the mood to move around with the big belly.
Act in unison and not as an individual
We now have to work in unison and not as an individual, having to use the word “we, us, ours” has to be part and parcel of us when describing things. I see a lot of married couple say “my car, my house” forgetting whatever they own also belong to their spouses regardless who personally bought it.
Taking advise from another couple may not be helpful
Each marriage has its own uniqueness and therefore same rules may not be applicable to all. One has to make one’s marriage the standard one want it to be. I have a lot of couple whose lifestyle appeals to me, but wanting to be exactly like them may be as bad as shading shadows. For instance, I know of certain couple who travel regularly for vacation and they advise my husband and I to do so in order to strengthen our marriage, it is on our bucket list, but in the meantime we have to hustle for the bucks and do vacations occasionally. We just have to do what works for us.
Sex is essential
One’s partner’s sexual demand is important and should be taken as utmost priority. That we both have a busy life shouldn’t hinder love making right? No one told me that being a nursing mother shouldn’t interfere with my romantic life, but this is the reality of marriage.
Love alone isn’t enough for a lasting marriage
Crossing hands and not putting the needed effort to make a marriage better won’t help matters. overtime, I realized the love we both shared to have made us took the vows isn’t enough, but for the constant effort to make each other happy, even on days we feel like giving up on each other.
Challenges would arise
The truth is that my husband and I have to stick together in thick and thin, because his problem is now mine as well. Unlike when dating that we sometimes have to keep our challenges to ourselves and not share with each other. Initially, I didn’t know how much I have to worry about the success of his business while I planned achieving my personal goals, but because we are in it together, it is our collective responsibility. So be ready to help proffer solution to any unpleasant situation affecting your spouse.
No matter how much of preparation one makes before getting married, marriage is still the real deal and one may not get better ways to handle issues till they unfold. It is only important to keep a positive attitude and be determined to weather the storm with the one you love in order to get the best of your marriage. Remember your happiness is key.
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