I used to believe that love is enough to keep a marriage going.
The way I saw it, once a couple loves each other, they can overcome any obstacle.
But the longer I observe relationships or marriages, the more I realize that love alone cannot carry a marriage through everything.
Can you imagine dealing with conception struggles when you don’t love each other?
It will always be easier when love is involved.
However, marriage needs more than love to last.
There are certain things that no marriage can survive, no matter how much love there is.
10 Things No Marriage Can Survive (No Matter How Much Love There Is)
1. Unforgiveness
I know some people may not want to hear this, but I will say it because it’s true.
Do you know that the reason some marriages survived infidelity is that the hurt party was willing to forgive?
Now, before you come for me, I’m not saying you should forgive your spouse’s cheating.
That’s completely your prerogative.
I’m just letting you see how strong forgiveness is in a marriage.
If a marriage can survive unfaithfulness because of forgiveness, how much more the minor offences that would inevitably come up?
This is where I am going with that; you and your partner will hurt each other one way or the other because you are both humans.
So, you need to have a wide room for forgiveness if you want your marriage to last.
Hence why people say marriage is a union of two forgivers.
If you keep holding on to grudges from 5 years ago and bring them up whenever issues arise, you might as well dissolve the marriage now, because it won’t be able to survive it.
No matter how much you love each other, the one who isn’t forgiven will get tired of the matter being held over their head one day, which may result in the death of the marriage.
2. Distrust
Another thing a marriage cannot withstand is distrust.
And when I say distrust, I’m not talking about the usual small doubts that couples sometimes work through.
I’m talking about the kind of distrust that makes you question everything your partner says or does.
Trust me, no marriage can survive that kind of doubt because it destroys the peace in your home.
One, the doubter will read meaning into even the simplest actions.
Your partner can just be going to the garage, and you’ll think they’re going to cheat on you.
In fact, they may buy you a gift, and you will think they are just buttering you up before they hurt you.
And for the person who is being doubted, that’s a serious weight to carry because they have to reassure their partner over and over again.
No one can live like that for long.
This usually happens after a case of betrayal or because the doubter has been through issues in their past that they are bringing into their current relationship.
But whatever the case, if that person doesn’t work on their distrust, it will eventually break down the connection in the home.
Because nobody can live in a situation where they are constantly being doubted, especially if they’re doing nothing they’re being accused of.
3. Pride
You might be wondering why pride even belongs on this list.
I mean, ordinarily, while we all know pride is a bad thing, we also may not necessarily understand why it could ruin a marriage.
Well, let me show you how, then you can decide if it does or not.
Have you ever wondered why people say to married couples that they should leave their ego at the door if they want a happy marriage?
That’s because ego is a form of pride, and experts understand that if you bring it into your marriage, it will keep you from relating to your spouse the way you ought to.
One, a marriage cannot work when two people are too proud to bend; you need a level of humility to compromise and let your will go for the greater good of the marriage.
Sometimes, you may even be right, but humility will make you decide that being at peace is better than being right, especially if the matter under discussion is not a matter of life and death.
Secondly, if you’re too proud, you may struggle to apologize and take responsibility when you’re wrong because proud people always think they know it all.
At times, they may even know they are wrong, but they will never admit it or struggle to admit they are.
Lastly, pride doesn’t allow for vulnerability, and marriage needs vulnerability to survive.
You need to be able to open up to your partner and love them even to the point that it could be embarrassing sometimes.
If you’re proud, you’ll never be able to break through that barrier.
I’m sure you see now why marriage cannot survive pride, no matter how much you love each other.
If you want your marriage to last, you must leave your ego outside the house.
4. Addiction
Sadly, addiction does not just affect the person struggling with it; the partner is also pulled into the chaos that comes with it.
For example, a drug addiction can make the victim waste the family’s finances because they need money to fund their addiction.
I remember that in the movie, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, the husband of the woman struggling with addiction told her that every time he tries to help her, he wakes up to his wallet gone.
In the movie, they were divorced.
But imagine if they weren’t and she had unfettered access to his money, she’d take all the money without thinking twice.
So, I say that to say no matter how much love you have for each other, the marriage will eventually start revolving around the addiction.
Because they will break promises, steal from you (like the example above), and you will have to deal with all the chaos that comes with it.
If nothing is done fast, the partner who is trying to hold things together will soon get frustrated and exhausted.
And love cannot compete with a problem that someone refuses to confront.
The person struggling must be ready to acknowledge their problem and seek help for the marriage to work.
5. Lack of Effort
I think one of the saddest things in a marriage is when one or both people stop trying.
Relationships are living things; they need attention, patience, and effort.
So, if there’s no effort, the marriage will slowly lose life and eventually die.
It is honestly as simple as that.
You can’t get into marriage and just live every day as it comes; you must continue with the intentionality that you had in your relationship and courtship.
The same way you made sure to talk regularly, date, show small acts of care, and do the grand gestures occasionally is the same way you have to ensure to continue them in marriage.
Sure, the reality of life is something to grapple with in marriage, but you must wisely and intentionally still make it work.
6. Unwillingness to Compromise
Remember how I said pride prevents you from compromising, which can break down the marriage.
That’s because two people cannot share a life without learning how to meet in the middle.
You are two completely different people with agency.
Even if you’re similar, you’re still different, so you won’t always agree on things.
If you don’t ever compromise, how do you ever move on as a couple?
The Holy Book says, “Can two work together except they agree?”
We all know the answer is a solid no.
So, you see why a marriage can’t survive where both partners insist on getting their way every time?
If one person wants this, the other wants that, and neither is willing to bend even a little, it’s only a matter of time before your relationship becomes a constant tug of war instead of a partnership.
7. Lack of Communication
If I didn’t write this and was reading this, I would be surprised if I didn’t see something on communication.
Because communication is very important in a relationship.
It is very vital because silence can damage a marriage more than arguments ever will.
Apart from the fact that you’ll drift apart if you don’t talk to each other, it also gives room for misunderstanding.
Your partner may be working late at work, but without speaking to them, you may think that they are visiting a lawyer signing divorce papers.
And if that’s not properly handled, you can accuse your partner, which could frustrate them and make them start resenting you.
That’s why even if you love each other, you must make sure silence doesn’t have a place in your marriage.
8. Lies
A lie might seem small in the moment.
So, sometimes you find people convincing themselves that it’s harmless.
But the thing about a lie is that it rarely stays hidden, and it rarely stays small.
Once you are caught – and you will – it will affect the trust in the home, and remember what we said about distrust.
Even if there’s love, nobody can stand dishonesty for long.
If a couple doesn’t want their connection to be shaken, they must always go the path of truth.
Yeah, truth may indeed be uncomfortable sometimes, but honesty protects a marriage while deception destroys it.
9. Contempt or Disrespect
I personally believe respect and love are two sides of a coin.
There’s no way you can convince me you love me if you don’t respect me.
So, for me, it even goes without saying that disrespect is on this list because it just means that there is no love in the marriage anyway.
But I get that other people may feel differently.
For those people, let me say that even though you have feelings for each other, if one person is constantly looking down on the other, replying to them sarcastically, rolling their eyes when they talk, or dismissing their opinion, it’s only a matter of time before the other party gets tired.
Marriage is supposed to be a safe place where you feel uplifted and not judged.
But if you’re constantly being belittled by the person who is supposed to stand beside you, even your love for each other cannot hold it together.
10. Abuse
Last but not least, marriage cannot survive abuse.
As I said above, marriage is supposed to be a safe space.
But, abuse – physical, emotional, or verbal – destroys that safety.
A healthy marriage doesn’t make any party afraid, controlled, or constantly harmed.
It nurtures them and makes them feel cared for.
Also, love cannot grow in an environment where someone is being mistreated.
Even if they don’t know their worth enough to leave at first, it is only a matter of time before their eyes open.
And they will see that their mental health and sometimes, even physical safety, is more important than the need to endure abuse in the name of saving the marriage.