7 Signs You and Your Husband Don't Fit

Let me say right off the bat that unlike poles don’t attract when we are talking about people.

With science and in the magnetic world, it’s true.

But human beings are not magnets because we are more complicated than that.

Therefore, we can’t make definitive statements like that when we are dealing with human beings.

That means even saying like poles attract is too definitive a statement.

However, for the sake of this post, let me say that like poles are likely to work more than unlike poles.

So, when two people get together and they don’t fit, they are likely not to work.

That’s why you need to know when you and your husband don’t fit.

You need to know if the issue with your marriage is that of unlike poles trying to attract.

That said, let’s look at the signs you and your husband don’t fit.

7 Signs You and Your Husband Don’t Fit

1. You have different values

One of the clearest signs you and your husband don’t fit is when your values keep clashing.

Remember when I said that we cannot even say definitively that likes attract because human beings are unpredictable.

I said that because sometimes, couples who are completely different people do well in marriage.

Personally, though, I feel like this usually only happens with unlike personalities.

For example, when an introvert and an extrovert get together and they both appreciate each other’s differences, they can work.

But when the differences are core values, they are likely to clash.

This reminds me of Jeannie Mai and her first marriage.

She said she didn’t want children, and I believe he did, but he probably felt he would be able to cope with not wanting children.

Anyway, needless to say, they divorced and both went on to have children with other partners.

But that’s not the business of the day, so let’s not get into that.

What matters is that their marriage couldn’t stand their differing views on having children.

So, it’s clear that children are one of the big issues that you must agree on as a couple.

That means, if you and your husband don’t agree on this issue of children, you are not fit for each other.

The same thing applies to parenting styles, handling money, religion/politics or different expectations around sex.

If this is your issue, it shows you don’t share the same foundation.

Core values cannot be overemphasized when it comes to a relationship or marriage.

When core values are misaligned, you will struggle to make daily decisions because each of you will argue based on your perspective.

And that is usually a red flag for long-term compatibility.

2. You’ve outgrown each other

Another sign you and your husband don’t fit is when one person has outgrown the other.

You probably expect me to say you are the one who has outgrown your husband, but it could be either way.

If one of you is growing or focused on growth and the other is comfortable in their current state, there will be a problem in the home.

For example, if one of you is exploring new interests, setting bigger goals, or thinking differently about life, while the other seems stuck in the same place, it shows that there is a disconnect somewhere.

The truth is that if that continues over time, your conversations will start to feel shallow or repetitive, and your paths will no longer overlap.

It is really because you are no longer on the same level, so you have fewer things in common.

And like we have established, like poles have a higher chance of surviving than unlike poles.

So, when you are now in different positions in life, it signals that you don’t fit.

3. He is not supportive

Usually, when you and your man are on the same page, you will feel supported by your man while you also support him.

But if your husband rarely backs you up, you likely don’t fit.

For instance, if he doesn’t encourage your goals, doesn’t stand by you when challenges come, or even belittles your efforts, that’s a sign of incompatibility.

A partner who fits with you naturally steps into the role of one of your biggest supporters.

But if you find that instead of lifting you, he leaves you to carry things alone, it shows you’re not aligned as a team.

4. The effort is one-sided

Again, you’ll know you and your husband don’t fit when you’re always the one putting in effort.

In a working marriage, you should both be putting in effort to make sure the marriage thrives.

But if you notice that you’re usually the one starting important conversations, planning quality time, or trying to resolve conflicts while he checks out, it’s a clear sign you are losing synergy.

A marriage that fits well has balance.

So, when all the weight rests on one side, you should know it’s proof that the connection isn’t working.

5. You have different ideas of male/female roles

This is vital, but many don’t take it as seriously in a relationship.

Before I got together with my man, I made sure to check his beliefs on male and female roles in marriage because you would be shocked at how different they can be.

For me, I don’t believe men and women have defined roles.

I believe both should provide and also pitch in domestically.

Now, of course, it can be tilted one side at times based on circumstances, but it shouldn’t be based on gender.

For instance, if my partner were furthering his education while working, he might not have as much time to contribute domestically, and I would have to pick up the slack.

And he would do the same for me when I need him to.

So, I made sure my man felt the same way to avoid having problems in the future.

Now, I’m not saying my way is ideal; all I’m saying is whatever is ideal for you, you must make sure you both match it.

If not, it means you’re lacking in suitability.

Say you are like me and your husband is more traditional, or you’re traditional and he’s not, you will always feel that mismatch.

If it’s the former, he could even become uncomfortable with your success and become your enemy of progress.

Because for him, the ideal thing is when he is the provider.

And if it’s the latter, you would come to resent him for not being the sole provider when he believes you should both provide.

So, what I’m saying basically is that a couple that fits can agree on what partnership looks like.

If your ideas of gender roles are worlds apart, it points to incompatibility.

6. You are not friends

A lack of friendship is another sign.

Normally, you and your spouse should be friends; it shows you have something besides romance or physical attraction.

And most of us are only friends with people we are compatible with anyway.

So, being friends with your husband is a big sign that you suit each other.

That means the converse is true: lack of friendship points to unsuitability.

In essence, if you don’t enjoy talking with him, find it hard to laugh together, or avoid spending time with him outside of daily responsibilities, it means friendship is missing.

A strong marriage is a fine balance between romance and friendship.

Without that, you are likely just cohabiting rather than enjoying a true partnership.

7. The love is missing

Finally, if there’s no love left, that’s a sign you don’t fit anymore.

This is quite explanatory, so I won’t spend time on it.

But you’ll notice this in the absence of intimacy, affection, or any desire to connect.

You may share a house and responsibilities, but if the emotional and romantic bond has disappeared, it signals that what once held you together no longer exists.