Look, I get it, because I have had to catch myself from doing this many times.
When things go sideways or something exciting happens, the first instinct for most of us is to grab our phone and text the group chat.
We all do it, so I’m not judging you.
Venting to our besties is almost therapeutic, and sometimes you just need that validation that you aren’t crazy.
Now, while there is no crime in sharing things with your friends, there is a blurry line between seeking support and oversharing.
And crossing it can actually affect your relationship.
In fact, it can even be a bigger problem than the actual one you’re complaining about.
So, if you want to protect your relationship’s privacy and keep your friends from secretly hating your partner or knowing details they shouldn’t, you need to learn the topics you should never share.
7 Relationship Details You Should Never Share With Your Friends
1. The Intricate Details of Every Fight
As I mentioned earlier, we all need to vent sometimes, but sharing every detail of your arguments with your partner with your friends can be disastrous.
Again, I am not saying you can’t vent at all; sometimes, you really need to.
But one, you don’t need to tell them every time you fight, and two, you don’t need to give intricate details.
Not to excuse saying hurtful words when we fight, but sometimes, we say things we don’t mean – we get defensive and offensive when emotions are high.
If you share all those things with your friends, what happens when you make up, because trust me, you will?
Of course, we are not talking about abuse here – emotional or physical – or cheating.
If that’s the case, you should be leaving, not making up.
I’m talking about the usual quarrels between couples that normally end in resolution.
The problem then is that after you’ve forgiven them because you love them, your friends likely won’t.
They will hold onto that grudge long after you’ve moved on.
And another issue is that we don’t often “vent” about the good parts.
So, for the longest time, all your friends see are the hurtful parts of your partner.
Eventually, they’ll start wondering why you are even with this person because you’ve taught them to hate your partner, albeit unknowingly.
So, unless your partner is abusive or toxic, try to process the day-to-day arguments on your own or with a therapist or counsellor, if you really need to.
2. Their Deepest Insecurities
Your partner likely told you their biggest fears or embarrassing secrets because they felt safe with you.
They don’t need that to be the discussion of your girls’ or boys’ night out.
People don’t generally share their insecurity and fears; if they have done it with you, understand that the information is sacred.
It was a gift given to you in confidence.
So, don’t go spilling that to your friends.
Even if you think you’re just explaining why they act a certain way, you are still betraying them because it’s not your story to tell.
One, your friends might unintentionally use it against them, or two, they may look at them with pity, which is the last thing your partner wants.
So, make sure to protect their vulnerability like it’s your own.
3. Specific Bedroom Details
This one is tricky because locker room talk is so normalized in certain groups, and sometimes, you just want to boast about your partner’s prowess in bed.
But you need to think about your partner’s dignity here.
Again, I am not advocating for a completely silent culture, so discussing general stuff is usually fine.
However, when we get into the nitty-gritty details about performance issues, specific kinks, or bodies? I strongly believe that’s a major violation of trust.
Just imagine for a second that the roles were reversed; would you want your partner laughing with their buddies about something you did in a vulnerable moment?
I am willing to bet you won’t.
Plus, it makes future hangouts incredibly awkward because now, you’ve given them a mental image of your partner’s private business.
I understand you want to talk and share things.
But you must learn to keep the intimate details intimate.
4. Exact Financial Situations
Your friends don’t need to know whether your partner is drowning in debt or making absolute bank.
For the latter, they might suspect – depending on how ostentatious either of you are, however, you must still keep the specific numbers to yourself.
If you tell your friends your partner is broke, they might judge you or worry you’re being used.
And if you tell them your partner is loaded, they may start having expectations they shouldn’t have.
For instance, they may start expecting you or your partner to pay for dinner every time you are out.
Now, it’s okay to say things like, “things are tight right now” or mention one or two things you bought, but airing out your partner’s credit score or salary details is just tacky.
Financial issues are sensitive enough without an audience judging your partner’s every financial decision.
5. Minor Annoyances with Their Family
You are hopefully going to be with your partner for the long haul; at least, that’s the dream for most of us.
That means their family is your family.
So, if you complain to your friends about how annoying your mother-in-law is or how weird your brother acts, you are painting a picture in their mind that you might never be able to erase.
The same way you would likely make up with your partner, is the same way you may get over what their mum or brother did.
Again, the issue is that your best friend will remember it forever.
And they might start making snide comments or giving your in-laws the cold shoulder at events, which could create unnecessary tensions.
Let me reiterate that I don’t have issues with you venting, but be wise about doing that.
Unless, of course, it’s a monster-in-law situation that requires an intervention, keep the petty family drama to yourself.
6. Things They Explicitly Asked You to Keep Private
This sounds obvious, but it’s the most commonly broken rule.
If your partner starts a sentence with, “Please don’t tell anyone this,” you must treat that information as sacred and never share it.
The problem usually is that people will tell their best friend, thinking friends don’t count, or, in turn, tell their friend not to tell anyone as well.
But the thing is that your friend is part of the “anyone” your partner asked you not to tell, and by telling your friends, you are breaking their trust, whether they know it or not.
And you are breaking their boundaries, which honestly shows that you don’t respect them.
7. Every Single Annoying Habit
I get that some of the things they do annoy you to no end.
I understand that you hate that they chew loudly or that they leave wet towels on the bed.
But if you spend every night out constantly roasting your partner about their flaws, you are permitting your friends to disrespect them.
You might think it’s just funny banter, but you’re really just creating a narrative that you are with someone who is not worthy of your respect.
Your friends might even start wondering why you put up with them, and now, you will find yourself having to defend the person you tore down before them.
So, if you ask me, keep their flaws to yourself.
But if you must share the bad, make sure you’re shouting about the good stuff twice as loud to balance it out.