I don’t have the stats, so I can’t say categorically; however, I honestly don’t think there is any aspect of life that receives as much advice as relationships and marriage.
For some reason, everybody and their mama thinks they know the best thing about relationships.
Here you are venting about your partner to a coworker, a well-meaning aunt, and suddenly, you’re hit with a barrage of advice.
Sometimes, you don’t even need to ask, but you get it anyway.
I mean, I’m literally doing the same thing with this blog, although I could argue that you clicked on the blog link, so this is with your consent.
But either way, there is advice everywhere.
And most times, they usually sound wise, which could make you think they are universal truths.
But we must keep in mind that humans are complicated.
So, two people can be living a similar life, and not need to live by the same life applications.
I say that to say, I acknowledge some of these “truths” because most of the pieces of advice come from a really good place.
However, they are not a one-size-fits-all solution, and some need to be applied on a case-by-case basis to get any results.
That’s, of course, besides those that are complete hogwash and subscribing to them can mess up your relationship, if not your life.
Anyway, enough about me and this introduction, let’s get right to why you are here.
7 Popular Relationship Advice You Should Never Follow
1. Never go to bed angry
This one has been passed down from generation to generation, so it is probably the most famous relationship advice in history.
It is also, honestly, not a piece of advice you should be taking blindly.
I acknowledge that the logic seems sound.
Like I said, many of these relationship myths come from a good place.
So, the reason behind this advice is to prevent resentment from festering and being carried over to the next day.
The problem is in the application.
It sounds good to hear, but in practice, it usually results in staying up until 3:00 AM, exhausted, emotional, and saying things you don’t mean just to force a resolution.
When you are sleep-deprived, your brain’s ability to regulate emotions shuts down.
So, there is no way you can actually resolve something properly in that state.
The best that could happen is you sweeping things under the rug because you want to sleep, and we all know that’s unhealthy.
That’s why, sometimes, the absolute best thing you can do for your relationship is to pause, go to sleep, and revisit the conversation when you’ve both rested.
Sometimes, a good night’s rest is what you need to know that you are being petty and the issue isn’t that serious.
And even if it is, with you being calmer, you will be able to approach the issue with better clarity.
2. Your partner should be your everything
This sounds romantic in songs, but in real life, you just want to suffocate your partner.
Now, there is a sense in which we say that to big-up our partner and not necessarily because we mean it literally.
If this is you, then that’s fine.
The problem starts when you actually mean it because that’s too much burden to place on one person.
No one person can be your best friend, financial planner, therapist, travel companion, career coach, and lover; that’s too much load.
So, if you expect your partner to fulfill every single emotional and social need you have, you are setting them up to fail.
You need a village to fully cover you as a human being, and that includes your own friends, your own hobbies, and your own support system.
Your partner can come first and be a priority, but they shouldn’t be all in all.
Besides, a healthy relationship involves two whole individuals, not two halves trying to make a whole.
3. Relationships should be 50/50
The idea that everything must be split perfectly down the middle makes your relationship more transactional than a true partnership because you may find yourself constantly watching for your partner’s contributions.
The reality is that life is rarely 50/50.
Some days, you might be sick or stressed at work, and the relationship will be 20/80, with your partner picking up the slack.
Other times, they will be struggling, and you will have to give 90%.
So, contributions in a healthy relationship fluctuate.
Therefore, instead of aiming for a perfect mathematical split every single day, you should focus on being kind people who have each other’s backs every day.
4. If you have to work at it, it’s not meant to be
We can blame Hollywood for this one.
Many romcoms portray a false narrative that true love is effortless and that if you are constantly trying, something is wrong.
That is a lie.
A long-term relationship is a living thing, and like anything that lives, it requires maintenance.
There will be seasons where you drift apart, seasons of stress, and seasons where you just aren’t clicking.
If you want to be together, you must intentionally work through those times.
You may need to go to therapy, you will have the hard conversations, you’ll forgive hurts, and you’ll intentionally schedule date nights, among others.
So, don’t let anyone make you feel that doing all that is a sign of failure.
Actually, the opposite is true; it’s a sign of commitment to each other and the relationship.
In fact, I would say that when it is “effortless”, it’s usually because one person is doing all the accommodating while the other is coasting.
Real love is a choice you make to commit to your partner every day, especially when it’s hard.
5. Happy couples never fight
The idea that fighting is inherently bad is a dangerous position to have.
I mean, I get it; “peace” often sounds better than fights.
But really, you cannot have true peace without some conflicts – at least, among humans.
Maybe doves can achieve that, but humans can’t.
If you want to do that, you will just have people suppressing their needs and feelings, which is unhealthy.
And more often than not, it leads to an explosion or quiet resentment.
Since we don’t want that, we must agree that couples who fight likely care about each other more than those who don’t.
Those who never fight have likely stopped caring enough to try to be understood.
Or they are pretending.
Either way, not good.
Now, understand that I’m not advocating for violent or toxic conflict.
I am talking about respectful disagreement, where you can express your different opinions and set boundaries.
So, it is not so much about the fight, but how you fight.
Do you name-call, or do you listen?
Do you fight to win, or do you fight to understand?
If you are fighting properly, then you really have no problems.
So, don’t aim for a conflict-free relationship; aim for a relationship where you can both grow from conflict.
6. Once you get married, things will get better
Or its cousin, “Having a baby will fix the relationship.”
This is terrible, terrible advice, folks.
If this is all you take from this article, I would have done a good job.
Never fall for this advice.
I don’t even know how it came to be.
But here’s the thing: marriage and parenthood are like pressure cookers; they amplify things, they don’t improve them.
That means, if you had 10% issues before them, they will be amplified to like 60%, if not more.
So, if you have communication problems now, adding a mortgage or a screaming infant will only make those communication problems ten times louder.
While marriage and parenthood are both beautiful milestones that you should look forward to if you want to, only do them when you are ready.
Don’t ever use them as repair tools; they don’t achieve that; they instead worsen your situation.
So, if you want to do those things with your present partner, make sure to fix your issues first.
7. Love is enough
This is the hardest one to accept because we all want to believe it.
But love is not enough.
You can love someone deeply and still be completely incompatible with them regarding finances, desire for children, location, or core values.
Love is the foundation, yes, but you need other materials to build the house.
You need mutual respect, shared goals, financial compatibility, and timing.
Ignoring major red flags or fundamental lifestyle differences because “the love is so strong” is dangerous.
That’s you basically welcoming heartbreak and maybe even trauma.
So, save yourself from that.
Even if you have feelings for each other, sometimes, the most mature thing you can do is realize that the relationship still isn’t viable, even though the love is real.