Nobody enters a marriage thinking they’re going to be the difficult partner… at least, no sane person does.
So I imagine that your husband probably thinks he’s a pretty easygoing guy.
After all, he works hard, loves his family, and comes home at the end of the day.
But being difficult isn’t always so straightforward.
It also doesn’t always mean he’s a straight-up bad guy.
Still, you just know he does certain things that almost make him difficult to love.
And I understand that you love him, so you might not say it as blatantly as I am, but you can’t deny that he does things that frustrate you.
If you want to put a name to what your husband does because you’re unsure how to interpret it, keep reading.
In this article, I show you things your husband does that show he is a difficult husband.
If Your Husband Does These 8 Things, He Is a Difficult Husband
1. He offers silence after work
This is something I am sure many men would defend because they feel like they’ve earned the right to it after they’ve wrestled with the stress of the day.
And I get it, their boss was probably a jerk, and the commute back home was a nightmare.
But when your husband checks out mentally for hours after he gets home, and you are left in a weird state because you don’t know how to act around him, he is being difficult.
Normally, you should be able to communicate with your husband, but here you are confused because you want to connect with him, but he is like a brick wall you can’t access.
And even though you know he wants to be left alone, you also want to feel like his wife.
So, it is sure to make you feel like you’re a burden for wanting to talk.
If you are experiencing all these, think no further, your husband is being difficult.
Now, I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t give him space sometimes to recharge – some people genuinely need that and it shows consideration on your part.
But if his default every time he gets home is to shut everyone out, he needs to work on it.
It’s not healthy.
2. He treats every suggestion like an attack
I watched a podcast recently where one of the ladies said men don’t like being attacked, and it makes them defensive.
While I can understand where she was coming from, I also strongly believe we can work on ourselves and deal with wrong tendencies.
Yes, nobody likes being attacked – men and women alike.
But we also need to recognize when something is not an attack, and we just don’t want to hear the truth.
That being said, you are your husband’s partner, so it’s completely normal to bring up things you notice that he may not want to hear about himself – things he needs to hear, though, so he can be a better version of himself.
But it’d be difficult to do that when he sees everything as an attack.
For instance, if you say, “Hey, maybe we should try this for the kids,” and he immediately gets his back up, he is being difficult.
I know you can relate to how that makes it difficult for you to talk to him.
I mean, I get it: we don’t like hearing that we are not the heroes; men, especially, don’t like it.
But you shouldn’t have to tiptoe around his ego every time you need to address him.
If your husband turns every feedback into a courtroom drama, you are definitely dealing with a difficult man.
3. Requiring direction every time he helps
I know, in many homes, women take over the domestic duties while the husband pitches in.
Even when the man is hands-on, the woman often takes the supervisory role.
So, I understand that many men might not want to contest that position.
Still, he is an adult, and as harsh as it may seem, he needs to act like one.
That means you shouldn’t have to hold his hands to handle simple things at home.
I mean, it shouldn’t be that when he finally decides to do some chores, you need to answer fifty questions about where the soap is or how the vacuum works.
A man who knows his responsibility to his home will not act like a stranger in his own house; he will know where things are and won’t need to ask you for every little thing.
But when his “help” creates more work for you, I don’t need to tell you that he’s not being helpful.
He’s actually being difficult because he’s giving you mental labor you didn’t ask for.
If he wanted to make life easier for you, he would be able to do basic things in the home without needing direction.
4. Expecting his mood to set the tone of the home
Another way your husband could be making life difficult for you is by letting his mood affect the whole house.
Does the whole house freeze over because he’s in a bad mood?
Do you fear how to relate to him when he’s not in a good mood?
If your answer to both questions above is yes, then your husband is a difficult man.
I am willing to acquiesce that he may not realize he’s doing it.
But when your husband’s emotions dictate the entire household’s vibe, you’re dealing with someone difficult to live with.
Because now, you have to constantly manage his temper or his gloom.
And that’s a heavy weight to carry.
5. Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence is a fancy term for a simple problem: men acting like they’re bad at things so you do them instead.
For example, some men “accidentally” mess things up when they help around the house, so their wives don’t bother asking them to do it again.
They may shrink a sweater or leave streaks on windows to get out of chores.
Honestly, there’s no way to whitewash this attitude; if your husband does this, he’s being inconsiderate of your feelings.
If you don’t know this before, know this now: your husband is an adult; he can handle dishwashing and laundry himself.
He’s smart enough to manage a career, so he’s smart enough to fold a fitted sheet.
So, that thing he is doing where he messes everything up is very likely weaponized incompetence to get out of chores.
6. Making you the “bad parent”
You and your husband are supposed to present a united front when dealing with the children.
Because your children are better off knowing that they can’t turn Mum against Dad and vice versa.
But when your husband is competing with you for the best parent award, not only is he making life difficult for you, but he is also training the children wrongly.
If he’s making you handle the difficult conversations while he stays in the background “unstained, he is being a difficult husband.
When the kids need a “no,” they should get a collective “no” from both of you, not “yes” from one wanting to look good in front of them.
So, if your husband does this consistently, you don’t need a seer to tell you he is being difficult.
7. He chooses to remember only what he wants
Does your husband remember every stat of his favorite team, but forgets your anniversary or that the kids have a dentist appointment?
If yes, it’s a clear sign you married a difficult husband.
I know he probably gives you the excuse that he has so much to do and he’s just being forgetful, but think about it, is he really forgetful when he never misses a game?
You and I know it’s not about that; it’s about value; he’s just choosing what to value.
If he takes responsibility and puts more value into those things, you’ll see that he will remember them, alright.
8. You think your “me time” is more important
There is a sense in which some men feel like their “me time” is better than that of their wives.
So, they think nothing of disappearing for golf on Saturday or staying late for a drink with the guys.
All they do is inform their wife, and off they go.
But when she wants an hour to go to the gym or grab coffee, they make a big deal out of it.
That’s when they remember the kids and who will take care of them.
It never occurs to them that the kids need to be taken care of when they need me-time, because they take it for granted that their wives will handle it.
But once she asks for time, they start asking what they are supposed to do with the kids.
If your husband falls into this category, he is a difficult husband.
If he weren’t, he’d understand that you also need me-time.
And he’d be ready to be a father who is hands-on with the children, rather than acting like a babysitter.