Before we go fully into the article, you know the first thing we need to stop? That thing where we complain about our live and do nothing about it.
Yes, we need to stop that.
And you want to know why I led with that? Because all the things I am about to say will not serve you if you don’t actually stop doing the things I will be mentioning.
So, I need to make sure we agree on that end.
Now that that’s out of the way, we can discuss the things you need to stop doing if you want to live a peaceful life.
Nobody likes whining; I know this because we complain when children do it.
So if you are tired of whining about how unpeaceful your life is, let’s look at the contributing factors.
If You Want to Live a Peaceful Life, Stop Doing These 10 Things
1. Holding onto Grudges
I know! I know! What the person did was terrible, and if it were done to me, I’d probably react the same way you are right now.
So, I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings or trivialize the weight of your hurt.
I’m just saying it doesn’t serve you.
You know why? Because the person is not affected when you hold a grudge. ‘
Now, don’t misunderstand.
Sure, they might feel the loss of your relationship.
But besides that – that’s even if they feel it because some people are unrepentant – trust me when I say the way you are literally in pain when you see them doesn’t affect them.
It only affects you.
While their attitude keeps you up at night, they are sleeping peacefully.
So, why stress yourself carrying around emotional junk that gets heavier over time?
I know you think you’re punishing the person who wronged you, but really, you’re just disturbing your own peace.
Letting go doesn’t mean you approve of what happened; it just means you’re choosing your peace over bitterness.
It also doesn’t mean you have to restore the relationship, especially if they broke your trust.
It is wisdom to let them earn it first before bringing them back into your space.
But you can protect your space and still forgive someone.
That means letting go and not letting their actions affect your mood anymore.
Peace comes when you forgive, not necessarily for them, but for you.
So lighten your load and move on.
2. Living in the Past
If you take a survey of the whole world, you will find that everybody has done regrettable things in the past.
Everyone has done something they wished they hadn’t.
They have made a decision that turned out to have a negative consequence.
Of course, some people get philosophical about it and say they have no regrets because their decisions made them who they are today.
But the point is, they’ve also made mistakes before.
That’s what makes us human: the fact that we are fallible.
And although I may seem to have mocked my philosophical friends above, lol, I’d rather that than living in the past.
All it does is make you lose sight of the beauty in the present.
And let me tell you now that you will yet make mistakes; again, it’s because you are human.
So, if you keep living in the past, you will continually stay there.
That’s why it’s better to forgive yourself, learn the lesson, and let it go, so that you can enjoy the present.
In fact, you shouldn’t live in the future – by that, I mean you shouldn’t worry so much about it, not that you shouldn’t make plans by saving or having goals.
But don’t dwell so much on what will happen in the future you cannot see yet.
As much as you can, try to enjoy the beauty of the moment.
The past can’t be changed, and the future hasn’t happened yet; all you truly have is today.
So, be present, and let the present be enough.
3. Suppressing Emotions
Ever since I heard this quote in The Faults in Our Stars, it has stayed with me: “Pain demands to be felt”.
A lot of us want to be strong, and that’s admirable.
But then, we bottle up our emotions when they are bubbling up.
We refuse to cry and suppress our feelings, instead of letting it all out.
But the thing is that we are actually not not feeling the pain; it’s still there, and one day, it will explode.
Let me give you an example: I had a confusing breakup many years ago.
Usually, I move on from things like that quite easily because I don’t enter relationships with rose-colored glasses.
I am often very realistic and clear-eyed, maybe too clear-eyed.
But let’s not digress.
The point is, this particular one was confusing because my boyfriend ghosted me.
It is one thing to be ghosted by someone you are just speaking to and another to be ghosted by an actual boyfriend.
Anyway, after everything and we broke up, I suppressed my feelings and moved on, or at least, I thought I did.
One day, not long after, I watched a sad movie and started crying as usual – ironically, I cry when I watch sad movies.
But then, I started crying so profusely that I had to pause the movie and cry my heart out.
That was when I knew it wasn’t the movie.
The pain of the breakup I suppressed was finally getting out, and I couldn’t stop the tears.
Guess what? When I was done, I felt lighter and was able to move on properly.
So, what am I saying, basically? Pain doesn’t go away just because you refuse to acknowledge it.
Rather, it shows up as stress, mood swings, or burnout.
It becomes a heavy weight in your soul that needs to be let out.
So, it’s better to let it out; it’s okay to cry, scream into a pillow, or admit you’re not okay.
Expressing your emotions is a necessary part of healing.
You need to be honest with yourself so you can heal properly instead of pretending to be at peace when you are not.
4. Wanting to be Liked by Everybody
We all need to come to a place where we are comfortable with the fact that not everyone will like us.
And you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
It’s honestly not an issue to brood over; it’s very normal.
Even Jesus Christ wasn’t liked by everybody – in fact, he was crucified by those who didn’t like Him.
You are not being crucified; they just don’t want to be in your space, so you have nothing to worry about.
Stop trying to change things by twisting yourself to get them to like you.
You will lose yourself if you do that, because you will have to be different things to different people to be accepted by them.
You must allow yourself to be who you are and be comfortable with those who are okay with it.
Of course, you should try to work on your flaws and be a better version of yourself.
But not to please others, to be a good person for you.
Trust me, it’s exhausting wanting to please everyone; it drains your energy and peace.
So, focus on being authentic instead, and the right people will stick.
5. Chasing Perfection
I used to have this issue where I wanted to be perfect.
While I could tolerate imperfection in others, I couldn’t accept it in myself.
I hated it when I made mistakes and would brood over it for days, ruining my days and those of others.
It took me making so many mistakes to come to my senses.
That was when I came to accept that I’m human and being imperfect was part of the deal.
I say that to say perfection is a trap, and a stressful one at that.
It will keep you in a cycle of sadness and stop you from making progress.
You will never want to take bold steps that will move you forward because you will be afraid of messing it up.
But you must remember that life’s messy sometimes, and that’s okay.
So, it is better to get things done imperfectly than not do anything, and also better to be happy than to stay sad over being flawed.
Plus, you don’t need everything to be perfect to feel at peace; you just need to accept yourself and your efforts as enough.
6. Trying to Control Everything
I saw the Serenity Prayer in a picture frame as a teenager, and even then, I thought it was genius.
“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”
Again, you are only human, so you cannot control everything, not even in your own life.
The only thing you can control really is your attitude towards others and life itself.
You can’t control others, and you can’t control life.
So, loosen your grip on life a bit.
Trying to control every outcome, person, or detail will only leave you anxious and exhausted.
Life is unpredictable, and that’s part of the adventure.
Control what you can, and leave the rest.
And you will live a more peaceful life.
7. Comparing Yourself to Others
Nothing ruins your inner peace faster than measuring your life against someone else’s.
This is particularly an issue in this social media age, where it seems like everybody is doing better than you on social media.
Because of highlight reels, you may start thinking you’re behind, not good enough, or missing out.
In the first place, some of those things are packaged falsehood.
But even if they were true, your journey is unique, so it can’t be like everyone else’s.
Focus on your progress, celebrate your little wins, and journey without stress.
Be contented with where you are – not complacent – and don’t let comparison steal your joy.
8. Impulse Buying
This one steals your joy by making you poorer than you should be.
There is no way you can live a peaceful life when you are wondering where your next meal will come from.
So, you need to save your peace by being more prudent.
Trust me, that quick thrill you get from impulse shopping fades when you actually have a need and can’t fund it.
So, instill more discipline in that area.
If you struggle with it, consider getting an accountability partner and using savings apps with strict policies on savings.
Then, set up automatic savings to deduct your savings on the day you get paid.
Also, before buying something, give it 48 hours and ask yourself again if you really need it.
You will come to find that you don’t need most of the things you buy.
9. Living on Social Media
Social media encourages escapism, but more than that, it steals a lot of people’s peace.
Not because there is something wrong with it in itself, but many of us abuse it; it makes us lose touch with reality.
And when your life revolves around likes, comments, and scrolling, it’s easy to lose touch with reality.
Social media can be fun, but too much of it breeds comparison, anxiety, and distraction.
That’s why I always encourage disconnecting sometimes.
Take intentional digital breaks.
But also incorporate times when you stay away from it.
For instance, I got an App Block that blocks me out from social apps at certain periods of the day so I can work, read or be present.
We cannot afford to spend all our time monitoring other people’s lives.
Try to stay in the real world.
10. Overthinking Everything
Overthinking makes you make a mountain out of a molehill, and that cannot be peaceful.
It keeps you replaying conversations, imagining worst-case scenarios, and exhausting yourself in the process.
The thing is that most times, things are not usually as complicated as we make them sound.
Your mum, who is yet to get home, is probably delayed by traffic, or maybe she stopped by her friend’s place.
Your lover, who isn’t picking up their call, is taking a nap, and their phone is on silent.
Now, I’m not saying that’s what happens in all cases; I’m saying many times, it’s not that serious.
So, don’t create fake scenarios in your head because you can’t figure it out.
You don’t have to have all the answers; enjoy peace by accepting that not everything needs to be figured out right now.
So, breathe and simply let things be.