I’ve luckily not had a personal experience with a guy who pretended to love me.
But I remember experiencing it with a friend, who was dating a guy who obviously did not love her.
I have no idea why he kept her in his life, but it was clear as day that his love for her was not real.
First of all, their relationship was extremely secretive; they dated only indoors, and he never went anywhere with her.
Then, he was inconsistent; one minute, she was certain she was the love of his life and the next, she was unsure.
In fact, it was this push and pull that kept her longer than necessary in the relationship, because just when she made up her mind to leave, he went back to being sweet, misleading her again.
I told her time and time again to leave, but she thought I just didn’t like him.
Thankfully, she wasn’t too damaged before she decided to leave.
And I say that with all sense of honor for my friend because he really did a number on her.
Ladies, I don’t want you to be in my friend’s shoes; that’s why I’m writing this.
And since that’s why you’re here, let’s not waste any time; let’s go right to the business of the day.
8 Absolute Signs His Love for You Is Not Real
1. He disrespects you
I know people always assume men should get the respect while women get the love.
But I say they are not mutually exclusive; when you love someone, you’ll respect them.
That means, when a man truly loves you, respect for you comes naturally to him.
So if he constantly talks down to you, mocks your opinions, or treats your feelings like they don’t matter, that’s obviously not love;
Such a man clearly disregards you.
Also, if he’s a guy who respects you, he’ll be gentle with you, even in disagreement.
So if he’s quick to embarrass or belittle you, that’s a clear sign his feelings aren’t genuine.
A man who loves you will protect your dignity, not chip away at it every time he opens his mouth.
2. He avoids emotional intimacy
If every deep conversation with him feels like you’re pulling teeth, you need to pay attention.
A man who loves you wants to connect with your heart, not just your body.
He won’t be satisfied with only physical intimacy when he is not emotionally connected to you as well.
So when a man avoids opening up, dismisses your emotions, or keeps the relationship surface-level, it means he’s not emotionally invested in it.
If all he’s concerned with is what happens in the bedroom and doesn’t seem interested in you outside of it, you have your answer.
If he loved you, he would want a deep emotional connection and wouldn’t mind being vulnerable with you.
Even if he struggles with vulnerability, as some men do, you will see him trying to ensure your connection runs deeper than the physical.
At the very least, he will seek to get to know you and will want you to get to know him, too.
3. His actions are inconsistent with his words
You know what they say about action speaking louder than words, right?
Well, it is still as true today as it was when it was decades ago.
It doesn’t matter how sweet a man’s words sound; his actions are what matter at the end of the day.
If they tell a different story from his words, believe what you see.
A man who truly loves you will back up his promises with effort.
But when he says he cares but never shows up when it matters, just know he’s just acting a play and doesn’t care about you.
Real love doesn’t need much convincing, to be honest.
When someone loves you, you will see it through their consistency, honesty, and reliability.
So if a man’s all talk and no follow-through, he’s only pretending to love you.
4. He is inconsistent
Remember how I mentioned that I knew my friend’s ex didn’t love her because of how inconsistent he was?
Yes, that’s a big way to know if a man’s love for you is real.
His behavior will be the same throughout if he does.
However, when a man’s behavior swings from affectionate one day to distant the next, it’s very much revealing of how he feels about you.
When someone loves you, it doesn’t fluctuate based on convenience or mood.
So, a man who is showering you with attention one week and disappears the next is playing with your emotions.
You will never have to doubt it if you are with someone who loves you.
If you find yourself constantly guessing how he feels, take it as a sign that his love isn’t genuine.
5. He never prioritizes you
If you always come last on his list, that’s another clear sign that it’s not love.
When a man loves you, he will find ways to make time for you, no matter how busy he is.
But if he only calls when it’s convenient, cancels plans without apology, or treats you like an afterthought, he’s showing you exactly where you stand.
Trust me, nobody is that busy; if they want to make time, they will.
Now, of course, I am not saying you should be unreasonable with your request on his time; he still has to work and make time for other interests.
But even with all that, you will always feel seen and valued, not like a backup option when he has nothing else going on.
6. He doesn’t support you
A man who loves you will be your biggest cheerleader; he won’t be the person who makes you doubt yourself.
When he never encourages your goals, brushes off your achievements, or even feels threatened by your success, that’s a sign his love for you isn’t real.
Real love will always uplift and celebrate you.
In fact, someone who loves you will contribute to your success.
A man who doesn’t care for you, however, might even look like your enemy of progress, because he will never be there when you need motivation.
Instead, he will turn distant when you thrive.
7. You feel used by him
A relationship is a partnership, where both parties feel loved and added to.
But when you are in a relationship where every interaction leaves you feeling drained or taken advantage of, you should know you are not with someone who loves you.
And you’re likely being exploited.
When a man only shows affection when he wants something from you, you don’t need a seer to tell you that he’s using you, not loving you.
It is honestly quite simple: if you constantly feel like he’s the only one benefiting from the relationship and you get nothing, his feelings aren’t sincere.
8. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends
I always say that when a man is in love, he wouldn’t mind shouting it on the rooftop, because men in love are loud about their emotions.
Of course, I mean this figuratively.
So, I’m not saying he will be all over social media announcing you, but he will be loud about it with those who matter.
That means, while he might not tell his parents (depending on the duration and culture), he will tell his friends and maybe siblings.
So it’s a huge red flag if he keeps you away from his friends or avoids mentioning you in his social circle.
A man who truly loves you is proud to show you off and wants you to be part of his world.
When he hides you, it’s often because he’s not serious or doesn’t see a future with you.
Don’t wait for another sign; love is not secretive or hidden in the shadows.