Let’s start with the elephant in the room: men do have and feel emotions.
They want and crave affection just as women do.
That means, they notice when it’s withdrawn or when it’s lacking.
I used to think all those online videos where women test their men by not saying, “I love you” back, and they came back to hear it was all an act, until I met my man.
At the beginning stage of our relationship, we used to have this issue when I sometimes didn’t say it back.
While he doesn’t insist on it like the videos I’ve seen, his mood changes anytime I don’t.
And one time, he told me how it hurt him when I didn’t say it back.
To be honest, sometimes I was just absent-minded, and at other times, I didn’t think it was necessary to say it every time.
But after that conversation, I changed, realizing that he actually never misses telling me he loves me.
The least I could do is reciprocate.
I say that to say when affection is not forthcoming, a man can be starved of it.
Let’s look at some of the things he is likely to do when he is, so you can quickly identify and address the issue.
When Men Are Starved of Affection, They Do These 8 Things
1. They become emotionally withdrawn
This is my man to the tee.
Remember how I said his mood changes anytime I don’t say, “I love you, too”? Yeah, he used to seem withdrawn for a while before he gets over it.
While I noticed his mood, I didn’t know it was because of what I did until I asked him about it.
I’m thankful I had the sense to ask him about it because he didn’t want to mention it for fear of doing too much.
Because, like he said, while he wanted it, he knew I wasn’t doing it intentionally.
But imagine if we had gone on like that, it would have gotten to a point where he would have felt starved and pulled back completely.
I say that to say, some men may pull back emotionally when they don’t get the affection they want.
And the truth is that it’s not always intentional; it’s just his way of protecting himself from feeling rejected.
We are not always logical when we want to protect ourselves emotionally.
So, a man is likely to do that and withdraw.
Most likely, he will share less about his day and his struggles, or even the little details he used to tell you.
And you will notice that your conversations start to feel shallow, and the emotional closeness you once had will start fading.
It’s because he gradually withdrew and doesn’t feel as close to you anymore.
2. They seek validation outside the relationship
As sad as it is, when affection is missing at home, men sometimes go looking for it elsewhere.
Of course, that doesn’t straight up mean cheating, but some might call it emotional cheating.
The reason I’m not saying it is cheating is that there has to be a level of attachment for us to call it emotional cheating.
However, let’s not bicker over that.
Whatever the case, when a man is emotionally starved, he might start craving compliments from friends, attention on social media, or even extra friendliness at work.
We all want to be loved, let’s be honest.
So, he basically wants to feel wanted and appreciated.
And if he doesn’t get it from his partner, he may seek it from other places.
Of course, if care is not taken, it can lead to emotional and physical cheating.
3. They show irritability or anger more often
A lack of affection can make some men edgy.
Since men are different, some might handle it softly, while others will become irritable.
You will find that suddenly, little things that never used to bother him will set him off.
Trust me, he’s not really annoyed by the lights on in the unused bathroom or the dishes in the sink.
He is just transferring aggression because he feels unloved or unimportant.
That frustration from lacking affection has built up and is now leaking out as irritability or short tempers.
What he’s really longing for isn’t conflict, but closeness.
Unfortunately, he is using anger to mask the hurt he doesn’t know how to express.
4. They spend more time away from home
Another thing that happens when affection is lacking is that the man begins to stay away from home because it no longer feels like a warm and safe place like it used to.
So, he might start staying out late, taking on extra hours at work, or suddenly developing new hobbies that keep him away.
He’s trying to distract himself from the loneliness he feels around you, now that the connection is gone.
And since many men seem to be avoidant, don’t be surprised that the less affection he gets, the more he looks for spaces where he feels lighter or more appreciated.
5. They become unusually quiet around you
It doesn’t apply, of course, if your man is naturally quiet.
But I have found that even quiet guys become a little chatty when they get comfortable with their girl.
But let’s not get rigid and assume everybody will be the same.
If your guy wasn’t initially quiet and he grows silent, that silence speaks volumes.
He’s likely showing you that he feels disconnected.
If he felt connected to you, he’d have so much to say.
The reason he doesn’t is that he doesn’t feel valued enough to share his thoughts with you.
6. They may flirt or show interest in other women
This one stings, I know, but it happens; so we might as well speak about it.
I know that in explaining the point about seeking external validation, I said I wouldn’t call it cheating.
But in this case, it might as well be because it’s disrespectful.
However, like I said, it happens.
When a man feels starved of affection, he might start showing interest in other women who give him the attention he craves.
Although I can’t categorically say it’s not cheating, I can admit that he might not be doing it to cheat.
He might just enjoy the attention, and so he will flirt with other women to give him a temporary ego boost.
It’s because he enjoys being noticed, admired, and desired, since they seem to be missing in his relationship.
While it’s wrong, it’s really because he is trying to fill the void of affection.
Again, if care is not taken, it might lead to actual cheating.
7. They lose interest in making future plans with you
People will likely be motivated to make future plans or find inspiration when they feel a connection to their partner.
So, when your man doesn’t feel connected to you, naturally, he won’t feel any need to think about the future.
You will find that he starts pulling back from thinking long-term with you.
He will no longer talk about vacations, buying a house, or even small things like weekend plans.
Instead, he will live in the “now,” because honestly, that’s all he knows or is sure of.
8. They might become clingy and needy
Not all men pull back when affection is missing; some actually lean in harder.
He might start asking for more of your time, demanding reassurance, or constantly seeking your attention.
When a man does this, he is probably getting desperate and crying for help.
He’s craving closeness, so he clings to whatever scraps of affection he can get from you.
Sadly, this can further push a partner away, because it can get suffocating.
But it’s just his way of crying for help.
Yup!
It’s nice to know that some women care.
9 plenty of.fish in sea to take care of needs men are a solitary creature to begin with with and it the women who loose
PLEASE read this entirely!
The eight things abt the man.
Wow its right on the money 💰. Then your wife/g.f. or really whoever.Goes to there family an friends saying one side of the story.
It always, always the husband/B.f’s that started the who mess.
My Question to anyone why is it always that one-sided stroy an never the whole story from beginning till the end why?
Women are naturally nurturing and caring. If the man is not receiving it at home likely he did something to her such as mistreat or not be involved enough with her. She then would distance herself from him. If he wants more he has to pour into her like he did to get her in the first place. Trust me she will reciprocate bsed on your actions. Alternatively try someone else and see if they’ll put up with you!
@Fran, not always, after 32 years of marriage and two bouts of counseling, we found a female counselor that concluded that my wife has hi functioning azpergers. She told the counselor she has no desire for physical attention. Read Marriage and lasting relationships, by Eva Mendes. It saved my marriage. But is a lonely marriage. Knowing she has no desire for me . I love her with all ny heart.
@Fran, I’m sorry that your experience has shien you this narrow perspective. Pick up an ugly guy with money to help the law of averages work in your favor
@Fran,
That rhetoric is so unbecoming. My wife mother is bipolar. Of which, by design, she should never have had kids. Her DNA, to some extent is passed onto, mostly the daughters.
When my wife’s mother, was at the age my wife is now, my wife has mirrored her mother.
Sad, but true,my wife won’t acknowledge how her mother treated men. 4 husbands. 5 children by 3 different husbands. My wife’s father died when she was 10.
He was a Marine, worked at the ship yard, abating asbestos. Lung cancer set in, his wife, my wife’s mother, divorced him. My wife, at age 10 had to care for him until his death. Pure narcissism.
My wife has destroyed our marriage.
Because our society is set up by which men pursue the women, which in turn, when a man pursues a woman, she is treated like royalty until
Reality set in, and the man has enough savvy to head to the hills.
So true, you hit the nail right on the head. We, men, are designed much different than women. While, we need one another, it has become a society that reflects women, not to need men. The high percentage of women, when presented with ideas planted in their subconscious by friends or co workers who are divorced, have a very high probability, to be divorced themselves. Sad, but True
@Thor,
Ever wondered why so many WOMEN are psychologists?
They’re mostly divorced, then they go into relationship counselling thereby destroying other marriages too.
So true
regarding #1…a factor missing here is this…if ur withholding sex from him, especially out of spite or something similar, that’s usually the last straw…Ur a nagging, annoying person…so if you won’t have s*x with him you’re basically all negative and useless. Why would he put up with your s**t at this point?
Thanks for sharing your perspective. You’re right that physical intimacy is a significant part of how men feel connected and loved and withholding it, especially deliberately, can deepen the disconnect. That’s a fair point and worth acknowledging.
That said, a man staying in a relationship is never contingent on a woman being “useful.” That framing reduces partnership to a transaction, which isn’t what healthy relationships are built on. If a couple has reached a point where affection is gone on both sides, the conversation they need is an honest one and not a quiet exit.