Recently, we had a marriage seminar in our church, where we had an interview session for two of our pastors.
We were able to ask them questions about their marriage to learn from their experience over the years.
Anyway, one of the things they mentioned they had to learn along the way was to manage their different spending habits.
The husband is a Financial Accountant, so he brought that mindset into the home.
That means, for him, every single item has to be planned and accounted for.
The wife, on the other hand, didn’t mind impulsive buying when the situation called for it.
According to her, it wasn’t that she was spending frivolously, but sometimes, when she went shopping for groceries, she saw something that would be needed but wasn’t on the list.
I’m sure many women can relate to her.
But her husband wasn’t having it.
Anyway, they had to learn to work around their differences by compromising.
That is, the husband relaxed his rigidity, and she learnt some of his planning style.
I say that to say, this is a very common issue among couples.
But it’s not an impossible situation; it’s something you can always learn to work around if you are both willing.
That said, let’s look at the best ways to handle this situation.
8 Ways to Handle Different Spending Habits in Marriages
1. Talk About It
Money fights often start because couples avoid talking about how their spending habits affect their shared goals.
So, the first thing to do is to have an honest conversation about it, as you will go nowhere without it.
Discuss how your differences are shaping your financial progress as a family.
If one person spends too freely or the other hoards too tightly, admit it.
Don’t go into the discussion ready to defend your stance.
Yes, it might not be wrong, but the discussion aims to find a middle ground that would work for your shared financial goals.
Also, acknowledge if you have any negative spending habits; then lean on each other’s strengths.
For instance, if your partner is great at saving while you’re better at spotting smart investments, depend on each other for the benefit of the family.
After all, when you get results, you will both enjoy the benefits.
2. Be Ready to Compromise Financial Values
It’s good to have strong financial values, but marriage means meeting in the middle.
Remember how I said the aim, ultimately, is to find a middle ground that would work for the good of the home.
Well, this is where you implement that – compromising.
Again, even if your financial values are not harmful, you can’t just insist on them.
You must be ready to understand your spouse’s perspective and find what will work for both of you.
For instance, you may believe in saving every cent, while your partner values enjoying life now.
Neither of you is entirely wrong.
So, in that instance, you need to find a rhythm that supports your shared future.
Sometimes, you’ll need to ease up on your strict rules to make space for their priorities too.
I know, some of us believe compromise is losing, but it isn’t.
See it as learning to build a financial plan that feels fair to both of you.
3. Consider the Hybrid Structure
I don’t know about you, but I grew up being made to feel like having a joint account was the only way to run a family’s account.
But I once heard Steve Harvey suggest a hybrid structure in his talk show, and I thought it might be one of the best ways for many couples, especially those with different financial habits.
This is how a hybrid structure works: both of you contribute to joint expenses, like rent, groceries, or kids’ needs.
Then, you also maintain personal accounts for individual spending.
That way, no one feels monitored or restricted.
You are taking care of business, but you still enjoy a certain level of freedom.
I fully recommend this system because it encourages teamwork without stripping away your individuality.
More importantly, it helps prevent a lot of financial friction.
4. Have a Unique Financial Structure
Even though I mentioned the hybrid system above and recommend it, ultimately, you need to do what works for you.
Forget what I said, forget what social media says, and forget what works for another couple.
Your marriage is its own story, and your financial setup should reflect that.
For example, the hybrid system might not work for a family where the wife is a stay-at-home mum.
Also, a 50/50 split might seem unfair in a situation where one person earns far more, and they might need to find a ratio that fits their reality, like 70/30 or 60/40.
Moreover, your own case may be that you agree on who handles what.
Perhaps you can agree that one person handles investments while the other focuses on savings and day-to-day expenses.
The main thing is to find a structure that suits your lifestyle and values, not someone else’s version of financial perfection.
5. Use a Budget
Budgets might sound restrictive, but they actually give you control over your finances.
And more importantly, they give you peace of mind.
When you both sit down to create one, it forces you to agree on how money should be spent and for what purpose.
Plus, it reduces surprises, because you’ve already decided together where the money goes.
Remember to make it visible to all, like you can use an app, a spreadsheet, or just pen and paper.
And try to keep it simple and realistic.
Budget for essential items based on your income, and also allocate space for simple joys and pleasures in the budget.
For instance, after budgeting for necessities, you can add a date night or two, or treat the whole family to a meal out, if you can afford it.
Cutting out pleasure completely will reduce your motivation to sustain a budget.
6. Tie Your Spending to a Shared Goal
It’s easier to align your spending when you’re both chasing something meaningful together.
So, have a financial goal and work together to achieve it.
It could be buying a home, starting a business, or saving for your kids’ education.
Whatever the dream is, tie your money decisions to it.
When you have a shared goal, it will serve as an incentive to put your differences aside.
There is no greater motivation than seeing your progress towards achieving your goal.
7. Review and Readjust
Financial habits and situations change, so your approach should too.
Make it a routine to sit down – maybe every few months – and go over what’s working and what isn’t.
For instance, if one of you took on new responsibilities or if expenses rose or income dropped, you need to adjust accordingly.
Additionally, reviewing your finances together also keeps both of you accountable and prevents you from silent frustrations.
8. Consider Counselling
If money talks, always turn into arguments, you might need an outside voice.
A financial counselor or marriage therapist can help you see things more clearly and offer neutral guidance.
Sometimes, with counselling, you’ll find that you both want the same thing but are simply struggling to communicate it without emotion getting in the way.
So, if you find that you’re not hearing each other, no matter how many times you talk about it, a counselor can come in to help you see each other’s perspective and build healthier money habits together.