”A deal breaker is something that is important enough to you to prevent you from agreeing to something, buying something, etc.”- Cambridge Dictionary
Relationship deal breakers are factors or behaviours that can make you to doubt the continuity of a relationship.
I think the hardest thing about relationships is that you are bringing two human beings with their different personalities, desires, wants, schools of thoughts, backgrounds together. Human beings are even so complex that if you bring two people who are exactly the same together, they still won’t have a smooth ride.
This seems to start on a negative note. But it is just to get us to think a little; are we doomed to have unhappy relationships due to this? Absolutely not.
Although it doesn’t seem like it because the voices of those who are in miserable relationships seem louder, happy relationships exist. They are able to make it work not because they somehow got lucky to find someone who they have zero issues with, but because they were able to identify their deal makers and deal breakers and find someone who fits into it.
Ironically or maybe not so ironically, certain behaviours that majority would immediately term a deal breaker, are not exactly deal breakers for others.
According to psychological experts, there are common behaviours that are generally considered deal breakers by many people but it doesn’t apply to every single person.
Basically, it is important to know yourself and know what you want out of a relationship, then you can decide what you would consider a deal breaker. You might choose to communicate it to your partner or you could watch out for those behaviours in the person you are considering for a relationship.
If you need help in deciding what to consider deal breakers or what to watch out for, then consider the following relationship deal breakers:
Unfaithfulness is a major red flag. It just doesn’t speak well of the health of a relationship when one partner cannot be faithful to their commitment to you or their vows, in the case of marriage.
Nobody should have to deal with someone they cannot trust to be faithful to them.
If it’s an open relationship or a casual fling, then it is understandable that you both have agreed to no commitment.
But if someone has agreed to be in a committed relationship with you, unfaithfulness is a major red flag that they are not worth the stress.
Many people are so focused on physical abuse; they forget emotional abuse, which also has its effects on the victim.
The point of being in a relationship is being with someone that you love and loves you as well.
A person who is constantly and deliberately inflicting pain – in whatever form it comes – does not love you and so you shouldn’t be with such a person in the first place. Pain is not a characteristic of love.
This is an absolute no-no in a relationship. You should be able to trust the words of your partner without having to question it.
When someone doesn’t mind being deceitful, that is a problem. They should tell you the truth. In general, nobody likes being around liars and being in a relationship with one is just too much unnecessary stress.
Rude and Disrespectful
Respect is a two-way street, it is reciprocal. Many disrespectful people ironically want to be respected without bothering to give it back.
You and your partner are going to disagree on many things but how does your partner speak to you even when they disagree?
Is it respectfully or rudely? Do they start hurling insult because you are having a misunderstanding? Do they disrespect your opinions even when they don’t agree?
That’s a huge red flag there. Just the way they address you and others should let you know if you are with a respectful or rude partner.
Dislike friends and Family
It is possible for there to be a little bad blood between one or two family members or friends and your partner. It could be because of slight jealousy on the part of your friend or family, especially if you were close to the person before getting into a relationship.
However, if it is a situation whereby your partner doesn’t like any member of your family or friends, then you need to check it. It might not be a deal breaker but it is definitely something to not overlook.
Your family and most especially, friends, will ideally be people you share the similar values with, without romantic attachment while your partner is someone you share similar values with and a romantic attachment. Ideally and all things being equal, they should get along. If they don’t, take a step back and analyse the situation objectively to see if it is something you really need to worry about.
You are probably wondering why this is on the list in the first place. Well, some people do not want children. Some people absolutely want children and some people are indifferent.
Depending on the category you fall in, it could be a deal breaker. If you absolutely must have children, then you might not be able to make it work with someone who doesn’t want children and vice versa. So, it is important to find out.
Just like the above, this doesn’t apply to everybody. For some people, being in the same religious group and having the same religious beliefs is very important to them when seeking a partner. If you fall into this category, then you should try to streamline those you date to people within your religious group.
This can be in two ways. If you have a partner who is dishonest, the person will be inconsistent and contradictory because their stories will just not add up.
Another way is being here today and nowhere to be found tomorrow. You don’t want to be with a partner who is neither here nor there, a partner who can’t decide whether they want to be with you or not.
With this kind of people, you are not even sure if you are in a relationship. This is a huge red flag that you should watch out for.
Selfish people are a hassle to be in a relationship with. Compromise is very important in a relationship. As said at the beginning, you are two different people, in order to make it work, you both need to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle.
But when you find yourself always bending to your partner’s will and they are not doing the same for you, then that is a problem. A selfish person is always thinking of themselves and doesn’t care about others. Someone who thinks the world revolves around him/her and only their desires matter in the relationship is not worth your time.
There are certain people who hate or consider inferior anybody who is not like them. These people are dangerous to hang around. It is okay for them not to agree with what others believe or do, but when they decide to make it their duty to show cruelty or callousness, then it is not attractive.
All the deal breakers mentioned here might not necessarily be yours but it will help you see what others think and you can decide if it aligns with your views.
Remember, it is not enough to watch out for the negative traits in others, it is equally important to make sure you are not like that as well.
Let us know in the comment section if you consider any of these as deal breakers and you can tell us other deal breakers you might have.