Marriage is beautiful and rewarding, but it is also a lot of work.
Usually, when two people love each other and have been together long enough, the next logical step is a ring.
If they believe in marriage, that’s usually the progression.
But one thing we must understand and accept is that love and readiness for marriage are two completely different things.
You can love someone with your whole heart and still lack the maturity required to merge your life with theirs legally and emotionally.
You can love someone, and marrying them at this particular time will be the biggest mistake of your life.
Because marriage cannot survive only on butterflies in your tummy, it requires sacrifice, grit, and a lot of growing up.
It’s something you need to understand if you don’t want to end up in a divorce.
So, it’s expedient that you take a hard look in the mirror and into the life of your partner before walking down the aisle.
And if you are still doing these things, you might want to hit the pause button.
If You Still Do These 7 Things, You Are Not Ready for Marriage
1. You threaten to break up every time you fight
If your go-to move during an argument is to say, “Well, maybe we should just break up then,” or to pack a bag, you are not ready for marriage.
Since we already established that we don’t want the marriage to end in divorce, we have to discuss things that would prevent it.
There is no way a marriage can survive constant threats to break up.
Heck, even a relationship cannot survive it, not to mention a marriage.
Both parties in a marriage need to feel safe enough to mess up without fear of abandonment.
Therefore, when you keep threatening to leave to win an argument or get your way, you are creating a deep instability in your relationship, and ultimately, marriage.
The best mindset for marriage is permanence.
That means even though you are upset with your partner, you have told yourself you are not going anywhere.
So, if you find that you can’t separate your anger from your commitment, you aren’t ready for “for better or for worse.”
2. You keep financial secrets
Money is one of the main causes of divorce, and it usually starts with secrets.
If you are hiding credit card debt, a shopping addiction, or a secret savings account because you “don’t trust” your partner with your money, you might need to pause before heading to marriage.
You know why? Because marriage merges your finances.
Even if you don’t use a joint account, your financial state and decisions will influence each other’s lives.
So, you need to be sure what you are getting yourself into.
Now, I’m not saying you have to share every single penny, but you do have to share the truth.
And hiding debt is essentially lying about your shared future.
Also, if you are not sharing because you don’t trust them and they are the ones with the issue, you need to also take a pause.
You need to be sure you can handle their financial habits before you say, “I do”.
3. You don’t trust them
Well, we were just talking about trust; this is a more general, though.
No matter how much you have feelings for your partner, if you don’t trust them, continuing into marriage will be a recipe for disaster.
If you find yourself snooping through their phone, if you feel the urge to wait until they are in the shower to check their DMs, call logs, or location history, your relationship is clearly already cracking.
Healthy relationships and marriages are built on trust.
So, if they have given you a reason not to trust them, you shouldn’t be marrying them.
But if they haven’t, and you are checking because of your own insecurities, you have work to do on yourself.
Marriage won’t fix that anxiety; it will just make you more paranoid because now the stakes are higher.
And you cannot build a life with someone you feel the need to investigate.
So, whatever the case, make sure the issue is sorted before getting married.
4. You refuse to apologize or admit you’re wrong
If you are one of those people who view apologizing as losing a battle, and would rather twist logic, deflect blame, or bring up the other person’s past mistakes to avoid apologizing, marriage is not for you.
At least, not yet.
In a marriage, you will mess up … a lot; you will hurt their feelings, forget things, and make bad calls.
And you need to be able to admit those mistakes, or resentment will creep in.
So, you need to make sure you are ready to value your relationship more than your need to be right before you consider marriage.
5. You want a wedding, not a marriage
Be honest with yourself: are you excited about the marriage, or are you excited about the party?
Now, I know it’s easy to get swept up in the fantasy of the dress, the cake, the photos, and the attention, especially if you see the social media hype that surrounds glamorous weddings.
However, the wedding is one day; marriage is the thousands of boring, normal days that come after.
So, if you are more focused on the color of the napkins than on how you will handle conflict resolution or financial planning, your priorities are clearly off.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t desire your dream wedding, but you must be prepared to spend your life with the person, more than the glamor of a wedding day.
Ask yourself: would I still want to get married to this person if we had to elope and nobody knew about our wedding?
If your answer is no, then you have your answer; you aren’t ready for the reality of the commitment.
6. You think you can change them after the wedding
This is the oldest trap in the book.
And in this case, delulu is not the solulu; you are probably setting yourself up for a traumatic life.
If you see your partner’s flaws and you think, “Once we are married, I’ll fix them,” you are being seriously delusional.
First of all, you can’t change anybody.
Secondly, marriage always amplifies issues; it doesn’t make them go away.
So, whatever behavior annoys you now will likely get ten times worse when you are living together 24/7.
Instead of living in la-la land, be real and ask yourself if you can live with this exact situation or person for the next 50 years?
If the answer is no, do not sign the paper; you are not ready.
7. You fight dirty
You and your partner are going to have plenty of reasons to disagree in marriage.
Like I said earlier, marriage has a way of amplifying issues.
So, it will be extremely toxic if every time you fight, you go for the jugular.
Or you punish them with silence.
Neither is healthy, and they both show emotional immaturity and even manipulation, in the latter case.
So, if you know you or your partner has this tendency, it means you are clearly not ready for the pressure of marriage.
You must learn proper conflict resolution and learn to communicate effectively before getting married.
Trust me, your future self will thank you for delaying the marriage until you are ready to handle conflicts healthily.