I know the men in this category didn’t wake up one day and decide to be the husbands every woman warns her daughter about.
I mean, I’m sure you didn’t deliberately think, “Oh, let me be the husband who makes life a nightmare for my wife, the one who drains the joy out of a room just by walking into it.”
Sadly, we don’t have to plan these things.
If you are not intentionally growing and unlearning certain behaviors, you will become that guy before you know it.
Now, the first sign you may be that guy is if your wife seems like the weight of the world is on her shoulders, or she feels drained.
However, we won’t know for sure until you read this.
If, after you do, you see yourself in many of the traits I’ll be mentioning, I apologize for being harsh, but you’re being a terrible husband – the one every woman warns her daughter about.
Yes, you are the cautionary tale.
But thankfully, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
There’s a better way to live, and it starts with admitting where you’re failing.
So, let these traits spur you to start making better choices.
That said, let’s take a look at the traits.
8 Signs You’re The Husband Every Woman Warns Her Daughter About
1. You never take responsibility for your actions
I always say that if everything is always someone else’s fault, then you’re the problem.
It’s unreasonable to think everything lies on someone else’s table and you’re just walking around, faultless.
Since you’re not God and therefore fallible, it’s impossible to be right all the time.
But if you’ve somehow convinced yourself that your wife is always to blame for everything, you are actually the issue.
For instance, husbands like this could forget an important date and then somehow blame their wife for not reminding them.
Without mincing words, that’s peak toxic behavior.
When you never take responsibility, you’re basically telling her she’s alone in the relationship and that you’re incapable of growth.
And honestly, it’s just plain exhausting to live with a perpetual victim.
That’s why women warn their daughters about your kind; they don’t want their daughters to live with a man who refuses to grow up.
A good man, on the other hand, owns his crap.
He has the backbone to say, “I messed up, I’m sorry,” and then he actually does the work to fix it.
If this is your aim, you need to understand that true strength isn’t in being perfect; it’s in being man enough to admit when you aren’t.
And doing something to be a better man.
2. You are possessive and controlling
Now, there’s an aspect of jealousy that is cute.
We’re all territorial when we love someone because we don’t want to lose them.
But then, there’s jealousy, and there’s possessiveness.
You are crossing the line into the possessive and controlling side when you start checking her DMs or getting moody when she hangs out with her friends.
Or you tell her what to eat, where to work, when to get home, what to wear, and so on.
Now, I’m not saying you should never have a say in her life; you’re a married couple after all.
If you see her moving with a bad friend, it’s normal to be genuinely concerned and express it.
But if your issue is the fact that she has friends at all or that she must do things the way you want them done, nah, man, that’s just deep-seated insecurity masked as love.
If you’re always hovering and trying to control her every move, you might as well be a prison warden.
Moms literally tell their daughters to run from guys who treat them like property.
They caution their daughter to stay away from a man who stifles them and go only with one who celebrates their independence.
That is, a man who knows that love is not a cage, but a choice she makes every day.
Because he trusts her, since he’s secure in himself, and he wants her to shine.
3. You are dishonest
We could bicker about the extent to which people can lie all day long, and we won’t make headway.
I started with that because some people believe little white lies may not matter as much.
So, this is what I would say: if you’re withholding any information that you know your spouse ought to know, you are wrong.
Whether that falls under the category of white or “black lie” is inconsequential; if she’s supposed to know it and you don’t tell her, you’re hurting your marriage.
Because, trust me, it will come out one day.
Every lie adds up – even the little ones, especially when you are always doing it.
Now, I get that we are humans and may tell lies occasionally.
But a habitual liar is a terrible husband.
You must know that transparency isn’t an option in marriage; it’s the whole point of being together.
So, if you want to do better, you need to be an open book.
You must be ready to say the truth even when it is uncomfortable or makes you look bad.
And you must understand that a painful truth is far better than a comfortable lie.
4. You are emotionally unavailable
Many of the men who fall into this category pride themselves on being the “strong and silent type”.
But really, it’s usually just a convenient excuse for being too scared to feel anything.
If you shut down every time your wife wants to connect or call her “too emotional” when she shares her heart, you’re starving your relationship.
And you may as well be a roommate, because being a part of a couple comes with the existence of emotion.
There’s nothing commendable about you shutting down your emotions and making your wife lonely.
And loneliness within a marriage is the worst kind of loneliness there is, because ordinarily, marriage is for companionship.
If she were single and lonely, she’d know there’s a valid reason for that.
But there’s no reason one should be lonely in marriage, which makes it harder to bear.
Every woman deserves a man who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable.
That’s the only kind of husband worth having; one who shares his fears, his dreams, and even his bad days.
5. You don’t respect women
And we really need to talk about how you view women in general.
The reason is that you may think you respect your wife, but if you don’t respect women generally, you actually don’t respect her, either.
Trust me, if you don’t respect women, I bet you make sexist jokes or act like her job or her hobbies are secondary to yours.
You likely also treat her like a servant or a child who can’t make decisions.
Yes, you are a poster child for the kind of husband every mother warned her daughter about.
A man who respects women recognizes and admires their strength, and that’s why they make great husbands.
Because they end up treating their wife as their teammate and absolute equal.
6. You are selfish
This is you if your marriage revolves around your schedule, hobbies, and preferences.
Marriage is not a dictatorship; it is a partnership.
So, if your woman is always the one bending and you’re always the one taking, you’re a terrible husband, plain and simple.
A good man knows how to compromise because he knows the marriage is not all about him.
Plus, he finds genuine joy in seeing his wife happy, even if it means watching a show he hates or skipping the game to help her out.
7. You are disloyal
When people hear loyalty in marriage, they think it’s just about not sleeping with other people.
I mean, of course, it includes that, but it’s also about where your heart and your mouth go when she’s not around.
If you’re bad-mouthing her to your buddies or “innocently” flirting with your coworker, you’re being disloyal.
Because you’re breaking the sacred pact.
Your wife should be able to trust that you have her back and are not doing anything that puts her in a bad light or harms her in her absence.
Plus, betrayal usually starts long before anyone reaches a bedroom.
So, if you are doing things you know she won’t be happy about – whether or not it has gotten to the bedroom – you are disloyal.
A loyal man is his wife’s biggest defender, in the dark and the light.
He makes sure everyone knows he’s hers, and he protects her reputation as much as his own.
8. You are abusive
I mean, this one goes without saying.
If you are abusing your wife, you are the worst of men, the usual first in the list of men women warn their daughters about.
And it doesn’t matter whether it is physical or emotional abuse; as long as there’s abuse, you’re a cautionary tale and should be avoided.
Good men don’t act that way; they protect their women from harm.
And they make sure they’re not the ones bringing her harm.
So, if you’re bringing your wife harm, every woman should run from you.