Is he with me genuinely or is he with me for something else?
This is a question that women often ask, and with the number of deceitful people around, I don’t blame them.
However, you can only truly know if you can identify the signs.
So, to help you properly identify a user from a genuine man, find below some clear signs he is using you.
Signs He Is Using You for Money
- You Pay All the Bills
If he is asking you to settle the bills; whether it is when you go on a date, go shopping together, or the utility bills, it might be a sign that he is using you for money.
Another sign is if he frequently “forgets” his wallet when you are out together, and you foot every bill, he might be out for your cash.
2. He Is Always Borrowing and Never Paying Back
We all face difficulties, and your man is also prone to experiencing financial difficulties. So, it is not out of place if he needs to borrow money once in a while.
However, if he is always running into one financial problem or the other and always asking to borrow and never paying you back, then he is most likely using you for money.
3. Your Gut Feeling Says So
Most times, our gut feeling is usually right. If your heart keeps telling you he is after your money, then it might just be so.
There are reasons you feel that way, and it is definitely worth investigating.
4. He Is Only Nice When He Needs Money from You
If he is super charming and nice only when he wants to borrow money or ask for a financial favour, watch out for such a person.
This is, especially, so if he gives you a cold treatment after he has got what he wants from you.
5. He Doesn’t Give You Anything in Return
Relationships should not be one-sided because it takes two to tango.
If you are the one always putting in efforts, buying gifts, and giving and he does nothing to return the favour, open your eyes.
Signs He Is Using You for A Place to Live
6. He Doesn’t Contribute to Household Expenses
A guy might just be using you for a place to live if he doesn’t consider contributing to household expenses.
Collective responsibility should be the proper thing to do if you are living together, and it is a big red flag if he doesn’t seem bothered about it.
7. He Rarely Plans or Prepare for the Future
Usually, when people live together, they are interested in a long-term relationship or marriage.
However, if he is the kind who doesn’t talk or make plans, he might just be exploiting you just to get a place to live.
8. He Is Not Committed to the Relationship
If you always find yourself being sceptical about your relationship or its status, despite the fact that you are living together, he might just be using you.
Make sure he clearly defines the relationship and his intentions, instead of just making assumptions.
9. You Hardly Know the Important People in His Life
In a thriving relationship, you should at least know his family, friends or other important people in his life.
The signs might just be visible if he hasn’t introduced you to any of these people, despite living together. It can mean that he is not committed enough to the relationship.
10. He Hardly Talks About His Personal Life
For the fact that you are living together, you should know him well enough. If you don’t, then it could be a sign that he is just using you to get a place to stay.
If he hardly talks about himself, then he could be hiding something away from you.
Relationships shouldn’t be about secrets, especially not from someone who claims to want to be with you and is living in your house.
Signs He Is Using You for an Ego Boost
11. He Cares More About Your Appearance Than Anything Else
Sure, physical attraction is great and important in a relationship. So, if your man loves how you look, that’s great.
But it is an issue if that is all he seems to care about. That should not be number 1 on the list; it should simply be the icing on the cake.
So, if he only notices your appearance and almost obsessed with the way you look while never talking about the other qualities you have, perhaps, he might just be keeping you around to boost his ego.
12. He Doesn’t Really Care to Know About You
If he always makes the relationship about himself; how you can make him feel better or help him, his goals, dreams, aspirations and failures, with no consideration for the things you care about, it is a huge red flag.
It is not a good sign if the relationship is more about his needs than yours.
Of course, I am not saying everything has to be equal, but consideration should always be given to what’s pressing at a specific moment and not always about one person.
13. He flirts with other women
Whether in your presence or not, if he the kind to flirt confidently with other women, then he might just be using you for an ego boost.
He knows he is not for you yet he will keep you by his side while craving the attention of other women, that’s something egomaniacs do well.
14. He Does Not Fancy Meeting Those Important to You
If he constantly uses you for an ego boost, he will make the relationship mainly about himself. He will hardly care about meeting your friends, family, or other people close to you.
Of course, he loves himself and what pertains to him, so he might show you off to his own people, but he won’t be interested in meeting yours.
15. He Hardly Talks About Future Plans
An egoistic man hardly brings up future plans he has with you or makes conversation about them.
Even if he does, it is always filled with uncertainties.
For the time being, you should know he is just living off momentary highs with you, so he doesn’t feel the need to make future plans because there won’t be one.
Signs He Is Using You to Get Over His Ex
16. He Is Still Resentful About His Ex
You can know a lot just by hearing him talk about his past.
If he spends so much time talking about his ex, especially bitterly, it could be a big sign that he is not over her and just using you to get over his ex.
17. The Break Up Did Not End On a Good Note
Everybody needs time to heal from one relationship before starting a new one, whatever the reason behind the breakup.
However, healing is much more necessary if the relationship ended up badly.
Thus, if he rushes into a new relationship with you after a nasty breakup, chances are that he is just using you to get over his former girl.
18. He Mixes Up Your Personality with Hers
If he is the kind who sometimes forgets who you are, mistakenly or deliberately confounding your details with his ex, even as far as calling you her name instead, it is obviously a bad sign that he is just using you to forget her.
19. He directly or indirectly compares you with his ex
If you feel that you are being compared with his previous girlfriend, your gut feeling may be right.
He could also directly compare you with his ex’s behaviour or personality, trying to either make you be like her or misunderstand you ‘cause of her.
Measuring you with this invisible yardstick is very bad for your mental health; you shouldn’t be in that situation.
20. He Tells His Ex His Good News First
This is an unimaginable circumstance that you should definitely not tolerate.
If someone loves you, they will want to share their good news with you first.
So, if she is hearing the good news before you, chances are that he still considers her as more important than you are and he is just using you to fill up space.
Signs He Is Using You Emotionally
21. The Conversation Is Mostly Centred On Him
Two people are in the relationship and the conversation should be about those two people.
But if all your discussions are always about him alone, he was probably just looking for someone to fulfil an emotional need that he isn’t ready or willing to give.
And that’s your only role in his life.
22. He Never Shows Appreciation
I doubt there is anyone who does not like being appreciated when they do something or meant something to another. It is not so much because they do things to expect, but because it is good to know we are appreciated.
So, being with someone who doesn’t see the need to appreciate you for anything is draining. It shows he is entitled and doesn’t deserve you.
23. He Always Asks for Help and Never Renders It
Asking for help in a relationship is a given; why are you together if you cannot help each other?
But, when it becomes frequent and demanding, laced with entitlement and an unwillingness on his part to help as well, he is most likely just using you.
24. He Doesn’t Care About Your Emotional Needs
A healthy relationship should be balanced; that means your emotional needs must be met as well as his. If you are the only one satisfying his emotional needs, it is a really bad sign.
And most times, this kind of people will turn it on you and make you look needy when you ask. You are not needy; you are just asking your due.
25. He Talks About Other Girls
If he frequently talks about other girls when you are having conversations, it is a huge red flag.
And he could be indirectly comparing you to them, making you feel inferior or intimidated.
If you are in a situation like this, you should be fleeing.
Signs He Is Using You as a Rebound
26. He Is Rushing the Relationship At A Very Fast Pace
Moving forward in a relationship is surely a good sign for many people.
But if you feel too rushed, especially from a guy who just left a relationship, you should be suspicious.
In many cases like this, it is likely that he is just compelling himself to love you and so, insisting.
27. He Keeps Things That Remind Him of His Ex
Why is he keeping things that remind him of his ex around?
Sure, even though I don’t advise it, I can understand keeping a picture or two but keeping obvious memories is pushing it.
He is likely not over her and you are a rebound.
28. They Talk Frequently
I’m sure in certain cases, exes can remain friends, but I believe it works more if they are acquaintances are not close friends.
I mean, how will it work when you are close friends with your ex and constantly communicating, especially when you are in another relationship?
If he is constantly calling or texting his ex and having conversations he should be having with you with her, it is a major problem and you should be worried.
29. He Feels So Reluctant to Commit
He might just be using you as a rebound if he only derives pleasure with being in a relationship, without seeing the need to commit.
Chances are he is yet to come to terms with his break up and you might not even be the girl he wants.
Thus, he is very hesitant about committing to you, hoping he gets together with his ex.
30. There Was Hardly Ever Anytime He Was Single
Whether through social media, personal digging up or just by asking questions, if you find out he has had too many a woman in his life and he is always in a relationship, this means you should watch your step.
He might be more in love with the idea of being in love and in a relationship than being with you.
Signs He is Using You for His Ego
31. He Is a Control Freak
If he is the kind to always dominate or control your choices, then he might just be using you for his ego.
You are bound to feel absorbed in his world when he always has a say over what you wear, how you make your hair, where you go, the friends you keep and what you do.
And you don’t want to do is lose yourself in a relationship.
32. He Hardly Allows You Have a Say Around Others
You shouldn’t be with a guy who hardly let you have a say in the midst of his friends or others. Whether he is comfortable with you voicing out your opinion when you are alone is inconsequential.
It is either he is intimidated and needs to be the most intelligent or he doesn’t consider your opinion important; either way, it is not a pleasant situation for you.
33. He Rarely Takes Your Advice
When he uses you for his ego, he will hardly listen to your advice or admonitions, even when it is obvious you are right.
An egoistic man always has to take the credit; in his eyes, he can do no wrong.
So, he will shut down anybody who wants to take credit for brilliant ideas beside him, especially if she is a woman because he is an egomaniac.
34. Your Relationship Seems On and Off
If your guy always seems inconsistent; appearing and disappearing from your life at will, he might just be keeping you with him to massage his ego.
He might get together just to feel powerful when he is in your presence and then he disappears when he has had his feel.
It’s a critical situation to be in, and you should take yourself out of it.
35. He Is More Concerned About What Others Think of Your Relationship
If he is the kind who is more interested in how your relationship looks on the surface than how you feel about it or how it actually is, then it might be an enormous sign that he is using you for his ego.
This kind of man will hardly feel concerned if a situation makes you happy or not, so far as it looks pleasant in other people’s eyes.
Signs He Is Using You for a Green Card
36. He Confesses Love Quickly and He Is Rushing Marriage
Many women who have been victims of this have reported that foreigners who used them to secure citizenship declared love for them immediately after meeting them.
He will propose marriage as quickly as possible, to secure the collection of his green card.
You should watch out for people like this.
37. He Lies Consistently
Lying is a terrible trait to exhibit in a relationship. It is a poor foundation for a relationship to rest or thrive.
If you find out that he is constantly lying about himself, his family, his job, or any other details, he is likely just pandering to you to get what he wants.
38. He Is from Another Country
This is not in every case, of course. It is not every foreigner that wants to be with you for a green card.
But when he is a foreigner and you notice all the signs listed here, tread carefully.
In fact, even if you are treading carefully because he is a foreigner, it is a valid reason. And if he really wants you for you, he will understand and stand the test of time.
Consistency is a good test of love.
39. He keeps asking questions that are not related to the relationship
It is a red flag if he keeps asking questions about things that may not matter in the relationship, especially things related to your country, such as the economy and your personal income, how to acquire citizenship etc.
I’m not saying asking questions is wrong or that he won’t ever ask about that, but if he keeps asking questions that do not concern the relationship or never ask questions tilted to knowing you as a person, it is a suspicious situation.
Signs He Is Using You for Attention
40. He Brags Repeatedly
If he is the kind who brags a bunch of times, and even tricks you into always agreeing with him, it might be a sign that he is just using you for his attention.
41. He Is More Caring in Public
If he is more affectionate when he is in the midst of others, and cares nothing or less for you when you are alone, watch out.
A man that loves you and claims to love PDA, for instance, will also want to be affection in private.
If not, he is likely more interested in getting attention than being with you.
42. His Friends’ Lifestyles
‘Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are’, is not a cliché, it is true. His friends might give a sneak peek into who he actually is.
If his friends are people who see having women as trophies, it is not out of place to suspect he might be the same.
Of course, he might not, but investigate to be sure.
43. He is More Concerned About Your Body Than Anything Else
If he is the kind who keeps making remarks about your body, especially about how you should try everything possible to look a certain way; fairer or slimmer, it could be a significant sign that he is just using you for attention.
It shows that he is more interested in a woman to show off than you.
44. He is Often Very Busy to Make Out Time for You
If he is using you for attention, you will realize he is very busy to make time for you.
Dates and meetups will be on schedule because he will hardly miss a chance to show off the woman who he claims as his own.
But he will hardly be able to handle impromptu or unplanned meet-up because he is not interested in spending time with you beyond the time it gets him attention; yours or others.
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