A romantic scammer is someone who pretends to be in love with you or is interested in a romantic relationship with you for personal gain, like money.
Their usual M.O. is to get close to you, gain your trust, and then strike when you least expect it.
Some years ago, a story went viral on Twitter (now X) about a particular guy who scammed many ladies.
The story was similar – he approached them like a guy who has life together, lies to them, and makes them feel connected to him.
Then, later, he starts asking for small change; something you can let go without feeling the impact.
By the way, he targets working-class single women who are doing well for themselves.
In simple terms, women who have a lot of money.
He pays back the little amount to gain your trust.
I mean, who would doubt a man who borrows money from you and pays back when he said he would?
After gaining their trust, he asks for a bigger amount, which they don’t hesitate to give because he has shown he’s “trustworthy,” and then he disappears to the next victim.
The problem is that a lot of women internalize shame even when they don’t have to, so they suck it up and don’t talk about it because they don’t want to be called foolish.
That’s, after all, why many DV victims hide their wounds.
Unfortunately for him, he met one who didn’t know that “shame” and her coming out encouraged other women.
The issue went viral because of the number of women who’ve been cheated by this same man, in the same city, mind you.
That incident plays in my mind occasionally, and I keep wondering what I would do if I were one of the victims.
Would I call him out or count it as a lesson learned?
Knowing myself, I am not sure I wouldn’t prefer not to deal with the backlash that may come from the former.
So, I decided the best thing to do is to make sure it doesn’t happen.
And that’s why I decided to write this for women like me, who would want to make sure they don’t ever fall victim.
If you fall into that category, keep reading.
8 Signs You Are Dating a Romance Scammer
1. They lovebomb you
At first, when you meet a romance scammer, it will feel like you’ve met the most affectionate person in the world.
They flatter you endlessly, call you their soulmate too soon, and constantly say they’ve never felt this way before.
It’s exciting initially, but that’s exactly how romance scammers draw you in.
They create intense emotional attachment fast to make you trust them, then strike when you’ve let your guard down.
So, if someone you barely know is showering you with over-the-top affection and constant declarations of love, it would do you good to take a step back.
Genuine love grows with time, not in a few days of chatting.
And even if he’s feeling that rush of excitement early, he will be willing to wait so as not to scare you away.
So, you should probably question a rush of attention before plunging headlong into it.
2. Their story is inconsistent
Another thing consistent with romance scammers is that they are inconsistent.
They are big storytellers; they should probably get into scriptwriting or fiction writing.
Because all they do is feed you with different, inconsistent stories.
One day, they say they’re in another country for work, and the next, they’re passing by the country.
Their details never match up.
You will notice that their timeline feels off and that their explanations never quite add up when you ask questions.
They’ll also dodge your questions, change subjects, or get defensive when you probe too deeply.
So, if you notice little contradictions or things that don’t make sense, don’t ignore them.
Real people remember their own lives; they don’t write scripts, unlike scammers.
3. They make financial requests
This is one of the biggest red flags.
Like the guy I spoke about earlier, it might start small.
Then it grows into bigger requests, and if there’s one thing they’re good at, it is making you feel guilty for saying no.
But remember that real love doesn’t come with financial obligations, so anyone feeling entitled to your money doesn’t care for you.
Now, of course, love gives, and someone asking you for money doesn’t automatically mean they are planning to scam you.
But are they asking you for money when you haven’t even met them physically?
Then, it is a definitive no.
If someone you’ve never met in person starts asking for money or gifts, no matter how convincing their reason sounds, stop immediately; it’s not love.
4. They move too fast
In addition to love bombing you, romantic scammers move very fast.
They talk about marriage, future plans, or moving in together before you’ve even met.
That urgency is not normal.
I know relationship timelines aren’t hard-and-fast rules, so every relationship is unique.
However, the first step with online dating is usually meeting in person.
People often want to know if the person online is the same offline before making concrete plans.
However, scammers don’t want to give you time to think or notice inconsistencies.
They’ll push emotional commitment quickly, hoping to hook you and make it easier to exploit you.
Therefore, if someone is already talking about forever after just a few weeks or meeting you, you need to slow things down to be sure they are for real.
5. They have a scanty or inconsistent social media profile
Take a closer look at their online presence for inconsistencies or things that don’t seem to add up.
For instance, do they have any pictures or just a few that are all perfectly posed or suspiciously generic?
Also, do they post at all, or are their posts minimal, with almost no interaction from friends or family?
Usually, real people on social media are followed by friends and family who interact with their posts.
How do you know they are friends and family? From the interactions.
The way people who know you interact with you is often different from the way those who don’t.
So, watch out for that because scammers often use stolen photos or newly created accounts to look real.
And their social media usually looks too clean or strangely empty.
6. They avoid meeting in person
No matter how strong the connection feels online, romantic scammers always have an excuse when it’s time to meet.
It’s one thing or the other with them – they’re travelling, they’re stuck at work, or you’ll find that they keep facing emergencies that never end.
Scammers keep you emotionally invested but physically distant because the illusion only works behind a screen.
So, if you’ve been talking for months and they’ve never made a real effort to see you, that’s a sign.
Real people who care about you will want to meet.
7. They avoid video calls
When someone is serious about you, even if they can’t meet you physically, they will be open to video calls.
However, if, whenever you suggest a video call, something always comes up, don’t be deceived into believing it’s a miracle.
All the excuses of bad internet, broken camera, or being too shy are all avoidance tactics, because they know that a video call could expose them.
It’s not normal for someone you’ve been talking to for a while to dodge face-to-face contact constantly.
Real people in genuine relationships want to see and connect with you.
So, avoidance usually means you’re dealing with someone pretending to be who they’re not.
8. They are too good to be true
When something or someone is too good to be true, it is usually because they are.
Nobody is perfect, so you must watch out when everything about someone seems perfect – they say all the right things, look flawless, and appear to have no flaws or bad days.
Perfection is often a mask that scammers use to gain your trust quickly.
Real people have imperfections, bad moods, and messy details.
When someone seems like a dream come true, make sure they are not playing a script before committing to them.