Maybe we can start by saying that there are some affairs that may not necessarily lead to divorce in a marriage.
You know, those types that are obvious mistakes, where there is a misunderstanding or miscommunication of some sort.
In fact, in some marriages, there are some situations that happen as a result of a mutual understanding between both partners.
But when one spouse in the marriage just goes out and picks up another partner and shares something that had been pledged “exclusive to spouse” with them just to satisfy a desire or because of lack of self-control?
You see, an extramarital affair may just be something that just happened, and “we should put it behind us and move forward” to the cheating partner, but for the betrayed partner, it can cause emotional trauma, psychological distress, and even physical illness.
The person who is cheating may repent and become more committed to their spouse, but the one who was cheated on has to deal with months or even years of trauma, trying to build back trust, therapy sessions, and many failed attempts at healing.
It is the reason why a lot of people do not try to fix their marriage anymore after it has been broken by infidelity because it is way easier to just dissolve the marriage than to go through all that stress for someone who couldn’t put your well-being ahead of their desires.
Let us consider some of these unpardonable affairs that most commonly lead to divorce in marriage.
7 Types of Affairs That Lead to A Divorce
1. Emotional Affairs
Emotional affairs, or call it emotional infidelity, often do not involve physical intimacy.
It is basically when a partner in a relationship or marriage has a deep emotional connection with someone else other than their partner.
This can include sharing intimate thoughts, secrets, and feelings with the other person.
Emotional affairs can be just as damaging to a marriage as physical affairs because they involve a deep level of betrayal and breach of trust.
This is the kind of affair where the cheating partner will say, “But we are not doing anything.”
When there is no physical intimacy, people often erroneously assume that it cannot be listed as cheating.
But any action that involves sharing things and emotions that are supposed to be exclusive to your romantic partner with someone else is infidelity.
Examples of emotional infidelity include sharing your deepest feelings and vulnerability with another person, creating inside jokes, and sharing information about yourself that your partner is not privy to.
In this situation, it is often very difficult to convince the betrayed partner not to opt for a divorce because (like I think) a person who breaks the emotional trust and connection in the marriage has no regard for the marriage and their partner, and can do even more grievous things to hurt them.
2. Physical Affairs
This is the most common type of infidelity.
A married person seeking sexual intimacy and satisfaction outside the marriage.
Medically, it is not advisable to have multiple sexual partners, and sexual intimacy is even more exclusive when people are within the confines of marriage.
Sexual satisfaction is one reason why people get married, and every marriage blooms and blossoms when couples are able to satisfy themselves sexually.
When physical infidelity occurs, the cheating partner does not only expose the other to unhealthy sexual practices and chances of procuring STI/STD, but they are also indirectly telling their partner that they are not sexually satisfied in the marriage.
A physical affair often involves physical intimacy like kissing, smooching, cuddling, sexual intercourse, etc.
A greater percentage of divorce cases recorded are a follow-up of physical intimacy.
3. Cyber Affairs
I often say that I am grateful for the gift of technology and the many opportunities that come with it.
There are many things that were not a thing before the advent of technology and the Internet.
The Internet has given people a platform to explore all manner of ideas, both the blissful and the horrid.
It has also provided very good opportunities for people to engage in all manner of things, including virtual infidelity.
If you are still confused as to what a cyber affair is, it is the kind of affair that involves being in an intimate relationship with someone who is not your spouse via the Internet.
It often involves sharing intimate messages (sex chatting), explicit and nude photos, or engaging in sexual activities online.
The fact that it is not a physical relationship does not rule out the profound emotional and psychological impact that it has on marriages.
In fact, many experts believe that cyber affairs can be just as damaging, if not more so, than traditional physical affairs.
One of the main reasons why cyber affairs are so prevalent is because they provide a sense of anonymity and detachment from reality.
People may feel more comfortable expressing their desires and engaging in risky behaviors online, knowing that there is a screen between them and their actions.
This false sense of security can lead to individuals crossing boundaries they wouldn’t normally cross in real life.
Another factor contributing to the rise of cyber affairs is the constant accessibility and convenience of the Internet.
With smartphones and laptops always at our fingertips, it’s easy for individuals to engage in conversations with someone other than their spouse at any time during the day or night.
This kind of affair may cause more trouble in marriage than a physical affair and may eventually lead to divorce.
4. Revenge Affairs
If your spouse cheats on you in the marriage, it is better to dissolve the marriage than to lie low in wait, seeking a good opportunity to revenge the hurt by also cheating.
Two wrongs can never make a right.
And your spouse’s cheating may have been a mistake, but yours is a well-calculated, premeditated, horrid act of evil that may never be forgiven by man.
This kind of affair often brings the marriage down to rock bottom, where dissolution is the only solution.
If you have been cheated on at any time in your marriage and you are planning a revenge affair, I am advising you to refrain from it.
Choose to truly forgive your spouse and really heal if you still want to stay in the union.
If you cannot get that done while you both are together, you can go your separate ways.
What is important is that you forgive and that you heal.
5. Serial Affairs
It is already bad enough that you are having an extramarital affair.
But to know that you have more than one cheating partner?
It is just the height of indiscipline and inability to commit.
By the way, if you do not have the discipline to be committed to marriage, why are you married?
A serial cheating spouse is not only a threat to their partner’s emotional and psychological well-being but also a threat to their physical well-being.
As I mentioned earlier, medical professionals will always advise having only one sexual partner.
That way, it is easier to check and curb the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases or infections.
But when a person has sexual relationships with multiple people, their spouse is at the mercy of numerous STDs.
Serial infidelity may look on the surface like a person who is just looking for sexual satisfaction, but studies have revealed that many times, people who have multiple sexual partners are plagued with deeper psychological issues such as unhealthy self-esteem, need for validation, fear of intimacy, etc.
It is easier to forgive a one-time thing with one partner, but serial infidelity?
Divorce is often the best way out.
6. The “Just Sex” Affair
Some may downplay an affair as purely physical, a way to add excitement to a stale marriage.
But even if there are no emotional ties involved, the consequences can still be devastating.
Engaging in a physical affair can put a person at risk for STDs and also create a sense of betrayal and mistrust in the marriage.
Moreover, an affair is never just about sex.
It is often a symptom of deeper issues within the relationship or the cheating partner that need to be addressed.
Instead of seeking satisfaction outside of the marriage, work on improving their intimacy and connection.
If left unchecked, the “just sex” affair can easily turn into something more serious and potentially lead to divorce.
7. The “Mid-Life Crisis” Affair
As people transition through mid-life, they may question their choices and seek validation elsewhere.
This can often lead to an affair.
The cheating partner may feel they are missing out on something and seek excitement or a sense of youth from someone else.
This type of affair is often driven by feelings of insecurity and inadequacy rather than just sexual desire.
It can also be triggered by major life changes, such as children leaving the house or career changes.
The person having the affair may feel like they have lost their identity and turn to someone else for validation and reassurance.
However, this type of affair rarely leads to long-term satisfaction.
Once the initial rush wears off, the reality sets in that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
In fact, it can lead to even more regret and unhappiness.
Conclusion
I find that sometimes, in marriage, it is the cheating spouse who moves for dissolution, not because they want the freedom to explore but because of fear of their partner’s inability to truly forgive them.
There is no valid excuse for infidelity, especially in marriage.
Spouses must give everything up to ensure that they stay committed to themselves and do not breach the vows they made to each other in their wedding.
Marriage is hard work, and only people who are willing to put in the work can make it work.