I’ve seen many cases where women wanted love and waited for it, only to find that just when they thought they’d found it, they ended up with a man who wasn’t committed to them.
And I’m saying waited because that’s really the worst; waiting for something that’s just not there.
In your early twenties, maybe you can afford to date a man who doesn’t know what he wants because you’re also looking for something casual.
But once you start getting ready for something serious, you don’t have time to waste with time-wasters; men who don’t know what they want.
Or more accurately, men who know they don’t want you.
Because if they did, they wouldn’t still keep their options open.
You would want to know how a man feels about you, especially if you’ve gotten to the stage in your life where you don’t have time for games.
8 Things Men Do When They’re Keeping Their Options Open
1. He is inconsistent
One good sign to know a man hasn’t decided on you is if he is inconsistent.
That means, one day, he’s all over you, calling, sending texts, and giving you attention.
Then, suddenly, he goes quiet or acts distant, as if nothing happened.
If you’re experiencing this with a man, it usually means his attention is divided.
The days he gives you affection and attention are to ensure you don’t leave; he is trying to reel you in because, while he’s not ready to commit, he’s also not ready to let you go.
Men like this don’t want the placeholder to leave, not until they are ready to let her go.
If you love K-dramas and have seen Perfect Marriage Revenge, you will see this play out with the female lead’s ex.
Even though he didn’t like her, he didn’t want her to leave before he was ready to let her go.
That’s something very common with this kind of man, so don’t be deceived by the times when he is giving you attention.
As long as that attention is not consistent, you are only getting pieces of him, not the full version.
2. He has refused to define the relationship
Any time I think about defining relationships, I remember this lady from an Ask Steve segment on the Steve Harvey show.
According to her, she has been with her “friend” for close to 9 years, and she calls him that because he doesn’t like labels.
So, she was asking what to do because she wants to move things forward, but he’s reluctant to do that.
Now, just so it doesn’t sound like I’m drawing theories from the air, I asked my man if he wouldn’t mind if I introduced him as my friend.
And he gave an emphatic no.
Then, he went on to tell me that men are territorial; if they like you, they will want to claim you.
That means they will not be satisfied with any label that doesn’t accurately describe the role they occupy in your life.
So, if you are with a man like this, it is very clear, sis, that he is not ready to claim you.
And it could be because he doesn’t believe he has found the one for him.
Therefore, he is still looking, or he’s shuffling between you and another woman or other women.
3. He never prioritizes you
And I don’t mean you need to come first every single time, because life happens.
But if you always feel like an afterthought, like everything else comes before you, you shouldn’t ignore it.
There is a specific feeling that comes with being consistently deprioritized by someone you are investing in.
He has time for everything and everyone, and then gets to you last, if at all.
You find yourself grateful for scraps of his attention because full, consistent attention has never been the standard he set.
A man who is committed will find ways to include you in his life even when life is busy.
He will be intentional about making space for you because you are not an item on his list.
You are the reason he is managing the list.
But when you are dealing with someone who is keeping his options open, you will find that he treats you as a convenience.
Something he returns to when nothing better is available.
Not an essential part of his life, but a comfortable option that he keeps warm just in case.
4. Everything happens on his own terms
A man who is still keeping you as an option will only be available to you on his own terms, not yours.
That means you can only talk when it’s convenient for him, you only see him when it suits him, and all plans revolve around his schedule and availability.
Relationship is a two-way thing; it does not revolve around one person.
So, if a man cannot sometimes be available for you when you want him to, it is because you’re not the only one occupying his heart.
Note that I said, “sometimes”, not always, because realistically, your significant other cannot always be available when you are.
But you should see that he considers you and can make himself available on your terms, too.
5. You can feel the lack of emotional connection
Sometimes, nothing may be wrong on the surface.
You talk, you laugh, and you spend time together, but you just know something is missing.
It is the feeling of speaking to someone who is physically present but emotionally elsewhere.
You tell him something that matters to you, and he responds, but the response doesn’t quite reach you.
Like the words traveled the right distance but arrived empty.
Over time, you notice that he knows very little about your inner world despite all the time you have spent together.
And not because you haven’t shared, because he hasn’t retained it.
He is there for the experience of you, but not for the reality of you.
A man who is invested will let you in emotionally and will seek the same from you.
He will make you feel like what you said stayed with him because you stayed with him.
But a man keeping his options open keeps things shallow enough to avoid real attachment.
6. You are kept a secret
Now, let me say this clearly: privacy and secrecy are not the same thing.
Privacy is normal because not everything needs to be on social media.
Secrecy, on the other hand, doesn’t end on social media; you’re hidden offline as well.
If you are in a secret relationship, you will be kept hidden from the people in his life.
I needed to start with that because people sometimes mix them up.
That said, the problem is not that your relationship is private, but secretive.
If you have never met his friends, never been mentioned to people in his life, and it almost feels like you do not exist outside of your interactions with him, you’re being kept a secret.
And a man does that only when he doesn’t think you’re the one he will end up with eventually.
A man who sees a future with you will integrate you into his world.
But someone keeping options open keeps you hidden, just in case he needs that space for someone else.
7. You’re the only one making efforts
If you’re the only one checking in, planning, and trying to keep things going, you are not with a man who is committed to you.
And the painful part is that when you are in it, it does not always feel obvious.
You tell yourself that effort looks different for different people, and maybe this is just how he loves.
But when you step back honestly and look at the pattern, you will see that the relationship only moves when you push it.
When you stop initiating, nothing happens.
The silence does not bother him the way it bothers you because the relationship is not something he is actively trying to preserve.
It is something he is passively allowing to exist for as long as it is convenient.
Effort is rarely one-sided when feelings are genuine.
A man who wants you will not sit back and watch you carry everything.
He will not need to be reminded that you exist.
He will reach out because not reaching out would feel like a loss to him.
When it feels like you are the only one trying, it is usually because you are.
And trying harder will not change that.
It will only delay the clarity you already have.
8. He avoids making future plans
Last but not least, a man who is keeping his options open will never speak about the future with you because he doesn’t see you in his future.
With a man like this, you will find that every time you bring up anything about the future, even the nearest future, like next weekend, he will keep it vague.
That’s because he doesn’t even know where he will be that weekend.
Depending on how he feels, he might not want to be with you.
So, if you see no sense of direction, you don’t have to think too far: you’re not with a man who’s committed to you alone.
