I’ve had two people recently approach me with their concerns about long-distance relationships.
These are people who have had the opportunity to be in a long-distance relationship, and it didn’t turn out well.
What is it for you?
Do you think you can do a long-distance marriage, or is it a no-no for you?
What are your reasons?
Now for the two people I spoke with, one thing was consistent.
The failure of the relationship didn’t lie in the distance between the partners.
It was as a result of something they did or did not do.
This is not to rule out the fact that the distance in a long-distance marriage can be a major cause of distress for the couple.
But on a daily basis, we see people venture into long-distance marriages for one reason or another.
And some of them have survived through it.
Meaning that long distance marriage can work, we just need some information to guide us through it.
So how do you survive through long-distance marriage?
9 Expert Survival Tips for Long-Distance Marriages
1. Continuous Communication
Communication is important in every human relationship, yeah?
But it is extra important in a long-distance marriage.
You’re not in the same physical location as your spouse.
You do not see what goes on with them, yeah.
So how are you a part of their daily lives?
How do you keep up with events that occur in their lives?
An elderly man was telling us that he was in a long-distance relationship when he was courting his wife.
And there wasn’t anything such thing as a telephone and all that at the time.
So he’ll send a letter to her school, and before the letter gets there, she is already on her way to see him.
Or when he had to travel all the way to see her, and was told that she had just left.
We can only imagine how difficult life had been then.
So we thank God for technology.
Now, you can keep a round-the-clock continuous conversation with your spouse.
You can see them every day through FaceTime and video calls.
And keeping communication with them continuously goes a long way to maintain the bond you share.
2. Set Clear Expectations
Another way to survive through long distance marriage is by setting clear expectations.
It is already as difficult as it gets to be married to someone and you’re not physically with them.
Trust is always a major struggle.
But this can be brought to the lowest minimum if you both are clear in your communication.
Leave no vague ideas or words hanging.
The best you both can do for each other is minimize conflicts and misunderstandings.
Whatever it is you expect of each other, let it be clearly defined and established.
So that each party knows what it is they are supposed to do and do it at the time they are supposed to do it.
3. Trust Each Other
Trust is the foundation of any successful marriage, and like communication, it is extra crucial in a long-distance marriage.
First of all, you do not have any business being in a marriage with someone you do not trust, especially a long-distance marriage.
Because if you do not trust your spouse, even when they are faithful and true to you, you will not be able to see it.
And because of a lack of trust, you can use your own hands to destroy your marriage.
So at all times, you both must be open and honest with each other.
Let your spouse know what is going on with you at time.
Once you begin to leave out details of some things, it begins to feel like there are things you are trying to hide something.
So do all that you can to not give room for suspicion.
And as much as it is possible, do not become suspicious of your partner.
4. Visit Regularly
Now I don’t know how long the distance in your marriage is.
But I don’t think there is any distance that is too long to restrict you from seeing your spouse every now and then.
(That is, if relocation is not possible).
As frequently as possible, visit with your spouse.
A 24-hour/day conversation does not rule out the need for physical intimacy in marriage.
You don’t want to give room for infidelity and the trauma that comes with it.
So, if you need to save towards it, do so.
If you need to apply for leave some months earlier, please do.
Whatever it will cost to see your spouse as regularly as possible, invest in it.
5. Stay Positive
You know that just the thought of being in a long-distance marriage can lead to depression.
This is especially true if you’ve always been with your spouse and suddenly, some emergency is taking them away from you.
But maintaining a positive attitude can help you weather the challenges of a long-distance marriage.
Instead of focusing on the fact that you are no longer in the same physical location as your spouse, pay attention to the reasons why you’re apart and what you both are working towards achieving together.
That season is also a great time for you to spend building and developing yourself.
Celebrate each other’s achievements, no matter how small.
Celebrate milestones and anniversaries, and look forward to the day when you can be together again.
6. Do Activities Together
Thanks to technology, you can still do things together with your spouse.
It would have been a different story in 1950, but this is 2024, and life is way easier and better.
Despite the distance, you can still find ways to enjoy shared activities with your partner.
You can go to the gym at the same time, watch a movie together, go on a date, cook a meal, and so much more.
Schedule a favorable time and spend it together through video chats, doing what you love.
These shared experiences help you feel closer and more connected.
7. Support Each Other’s Goals
Even when you are away from each other, you can still each other’s greatest cheerleader.
Your spouse should know that they have a number one fan in you, and you will support them no matter what.
They should also know that they can come to you anytime they feel like they are losing their grip and they will always find encouragement to keep going.
You can also attend events that are really important to them and cheer them on through it.
Just knowing that you have each other’s back has a way of strengthening your bond and sense of partnership.
8. Maintain Intimacy
Physical intimacy may be challenging and impossible in a long-distance marriage, but emotional intimacy is still possible.
Remember how you survived through when you were dating and where not sharing physical intimacy?(this doesn’t apply to everybody)
I know this is a different scenario now, but it can still help you navigate this long distance marriage.
Stay as open and vulnerable with your partner as you would have if they are physically present.
Emotional connection is the deepest form of connection between two people.
So try as much as can to keep that on fire.
Share your thoughts and feelings, and express your love and affection regularly.
9. Stay Flexible
You need to be as flexible as it gets if you are in a long distance marriage.
Keep yourself open to spontaneous changes every now and then.
Everything mustn’t be planned and scheduled.
So you should be prepared to adapt to changing circumstances as it comes in the marriage.
Whether it is unexpected travel plans, career changes, or other life events.
Flexibility, adaptivity, and resilience will help you walk through that seasons with your head high, overcoming any obstacles that come your way.
Long-distance marriage is never the end of the world.
People have been there and have succeeded.
Yours does not have to be the exception.
It requires more work than when you both are together, but you want your marriage to work so you’ll do the extra work to see to it that you have a great marriage.