Skip to Content

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

Sharing is caring!

What is an affair?

An affair is usually used to explain a romantic or sexual relationship between two people where either one or both of them are married to someone else. 

Affairs most times start as innocent and unharmful ventures, but people cannot scoop hot coals in their jackets and not expect to get burnt. 

So those unhealthy relationships that are not addressed immediately become affairs, and affairs have the ability to build emotional connections between the partners, posing a serious threat to their spouse and marriages as a whole. 

How can someone tell that a seemingly harmless affair is becoming something serious?

Emotions can’t hide. 

As they intensify, there are clear signs that can help an onlooker tell that this affair is becoming something pretty serious. 

They are:

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

1. Increased Frequency of Communication

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

No matter how close you are to people as an adult living an adult life, there’s no way you can keep a continuous ongoing conversation with them. 

The most you can do is check up on them as frequently as possible. 

As soon as you meet someone with whom you have a continuous conversation, there’s most likely something going on between you two. 

The frequency with which you talk to someone can tell a lot about their place in your life and the kind of relationship you both share. 

It’s the reason you can easily tell that something that was supposed to be an affair is becoming quite serious following the increase in communication between the two parties involved. 

Whether it is more frequent texting, phone calls, or emails, you’ll just know that strength is entering their emotional bond. 

And the more they talk, the more serious the affair becomes. 


2. Emotional Intimacy 

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

Affairs are usually something that should be just physical with no strings attached. 

But sometimes, the physical affair becomes so pleasing to the duo, so much so that they begin to attach strings. 

So, as the affair progresses, emotional intimacy deepens. 

They begin to do emotional things, like confiding in each other about personal matters, sharing their hopes and dreams, and seeking comfort and support during challenging times. 

This was not the initial plan for the affair, but you and your affair partner are now building an emotional connection that can lead to you both prioritizing your needs above that of your actual spouse. 

Being in an affair is already enough trouble by itself. 

Becoming emotionally attached is what my people call “double wahala.


3. Secrecy and Deception

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

People who get into affairs may not necessarily see the need to be secretive about it. 


There’s nothing to it as far as they are concerned. 

They are only playing a game and having fun. 

But as soon as the affair begins to metamorphose into something serious, they begin to see the need to be more secretive about it. 

They begin to show forth deceit in their behavior with their spouse. 

They will go to extra lengths to hide the affair. 

Tell lies to cover lies, delete text messages, and have extra emails and a special phone number for their affair partner. 

The stronger their feelings for their affair partner, the more they see the need to hide and protect the affair. 


4. Increased Time Spent Together

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

When an affair is just an affair, the partners do not really have any interest in seeing each other except when they need to see each other. 

But you’ll know the affair is getting serious when they begin to spend too much time with each other. 

All that “I can’t do without you.”

“I miss your company.”

It doesn’t happen in just an affair. 

Once both partners begin to have lunch and dinner dates, go out to movies, and do all those other goofy things real lovers do, you can be rest assured that the affair is becoming more than just an affair. 

They have begun to feel closer than necessary to each other. 

And how will they spend all that time with their partner and spouse at the same time?

I’d like to see how it goes. 

One side must surely suffer. 


5. Intensified Physical Chemistry

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

Of course, affairs are usually driven by physical attraction. 

Maybe not necessarily what is called chemistry. 

But attraction, yes. 

But when the affair begins to get serious, there’ll be this intense chemistry between them two, where it feels like they were a match made in heaven. 

They suddenly feel compatible in every way, like pieces of a puzzle, with one being the missing piece. 

From here, they will experience a more frequent and heightened desire for sex and adventures. 

All that thrill serves as fuel to their drive. 


6. Emotional Withdrawal from the Spouse

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

Because people cannot share themselves when it comes to love and emotional connection. 

Even people who double date cannot love both partners with the same level of fierceness. 

They’ll be more connected to one than the other (that is if they feel any connection with either of them).

When people in an affair begin to nurse an emotional connection with each other, they naturally begin to withdraw from their spouse. 

They cannot invest the same amount of time with both the affair partner and their spouse.

Hence, they’ll naturally be more emotionally attached to the one with whom they spend more time, leaving the other to suffer withdrawal and neglect. 

At this point, even intimacy with their partner becomes a tasky routine that they would rather avoid as much as possible. 

So, while the affair is getting serious, their marriage is becoming unserious. 


7. Fantasizing About a Future Together

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

It’s funny the things ‘love’ does to people. 

Next thing a person who had already pledged commitment to another “…till death do us part” will begin to fantasize about making another such commitment with another person. 

When death has not done the first marriage part. 

As soon as partners in an affair begin to have these kinds of fantasies, they begin to do risky things and make careless decisions that may affect them and their marriage in the long run. 

All so that they can enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes with being with a new partner. 

Forgetting that after a while, the butterfly feeling will vanish, and they will find themselves caught between losing the real thing they have and starting afresh with their affair partner.


8. Emotional Rollercoaster

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

As I’ve already mentioned before, it is a stupid thing to get into an affair. 

But a lot of people do not recognize the trouble they’re in until the relationship becomes serious. 

It is at this point they move from thrill to despair. 

One moment, they are having the time of their lives and the other, they are beating themselves up for being entangled in such trouble. 

This uncertainty and the complexity of their situation can get very exhausting and destabilizing, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and out of control.


9. Difficulty Ending the Affair

9 Signs an Affair is Getting Serious

Affairs are often supposed to be a passing thing with no commitment whatsoever. 

And they are easy to jump on and out of at convenience. 

But when the affair reaches a serious stage, the partners may begin to find it difficult to end the relationship, even when they recognize the harm it’s causing to their spouse. 

As soon as they begin to feel too deeply attached to their affair partner, they begin to fear the thought and pain of separation. Ending the affair will require courage and resolve, as well as a willingness to confront the consequences of their actions.


Infidelity is an offense, serious or not. 

As soon as you begin to notice an unhealthy relationship breeding in your life as someone who is committed to another, you should disengage and separate yourself from such a relationship to keep the integrity of your marriage and your spouse from the impending hurts and unnecessary drama.