I remember sitting with a guy at a conference, and every time he opened his mouth, I almost puked.
I knew him, but I didn’t know him enough to say something about it.
And even if I did know him that well, it would have been difficult to say anything about it.
But to say I was uncomfortable is putting it lightly.
I couldn’t concentrate throughout the event because I was trying to control my breath, especially as he couldn’t stop talking.
I say that to say you may just be living the life you think is normal, not knowing you are making people uncomfortable.
Because, to be fair, most people do not set out to make others uncomfortable.
It usually just happens when we display certain small habits we barely notice.
And because nobody wants to seem rude, they rarely tell you the truth.
So people smile, nod, and slowly distance themselves from you.
The only way to really notice it is when you see people creating distance or not being open around you.
If it happens often or all the time, you should probably do a little introspection; you might be the problem.
It may be that you’re doing certain things or living a certain way that makes people uncomfortable.
The good news is that most of these things are fixable once you can see them.
If You Do These 10 Things, People Will Be Uncomfortable Around You
1. You make everything about you
Now, people generally don’t mind that you share something about yourself in a conversation, especially when they care about you.
However, they don’t want you to make everything about yourself when they are trying to talk about themselves.
That means, if someone shares something with you, that is not the time to try to one-up them and make them feel what they are telling you is nothing.
For instance, imagine your friend is telling you about this crazy hike they just did, and before they can even finish, you’re jumping in with, “Oh, that’s nothing, you should see the mountain I climbed in Peru!”
Doing that is honestly such a mood killer.
You shouldn’t turn every single conversation back to yourself, or you will make the other person feel like you don’t care about them.
As I said, it’s okay to share, but let them have their moment first.
People love to be heard, and if you’re always the main character, they’ll eventually stop sharing things with you altogether.
2. You give unsolicited advice
And speaking of sharing, just because someone tells you a problem doesn’t mean they want you to fix it.
Sometimes, people just want to talk.
Also, don’t be one of those people who go to the extreme of offering advice, whether or not people share anything with you.
It’s not a good look at all.
In the first place, if you want people to be comfortable with you, you need to be ready to hear people’s issues without falling into the temptation of being a life coach.
I get that you think you have the magic answer, but sometimes it’s better to just keep it to yourself.
For instance, if you know a couple that’s been married for a year and hasn’t had a kid yet.
Don’t go up to them with tips on how to conceive or assume they’re struggling.
It’s super intrusive.
Unless someone specifically asks, “What do you think I should do?”, just offer a hug or a “that sucks” and move on.
3. You don’t respect personal space
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything more intrusive than not understanding personal space.
I’m pretty sure even you won’t like it when people cross your invisible bubble.
So, stop standing just a little too close while talking, like you want them to feel your breath.
It’s super uncomfortable.
I understand that you might just be trying to be friendly or excited, but most people need a bit of a buffer to feel safe.
If you see someone subtly leaning back or taking a step away, that’s your cue to back off a bit.
And don’t say you don’t see it; that’s why you need to be observant.
Watch people’s body language when talking to them.
If you see them drawing a line, respect that line.
4. You don’t let others talk… and you never listen
Some people enjoy talking enthusiastically, and normally, that’s not bad.
But one of the worst things that happens with human interactions is when someone is trying to say something, and the other person just cuts them off.
Or when someone can see that the other person is not even listening, they’re just waiting for the next gap so they can start talking again.
It would have been great if the only problem were that you don’t listen.
But when you don’t actually listen, you end up misunderstanding half of what was said, which causes more disagreement than is necessary.
It makes the whole conversation feel like a waste of time for everyone involved.
And make it hard for people to connect to you.
So, if you really want to connect with people, you need to learn to hear them out without interruption.
Don’t be one of those people who love the sound of their voice too much; let others have a word in.
Also, listen to them attentively, so you can understand their point of view.
5. You give TMI
Look, I’m all for being vulnerable and real, but there’s definitely a time and a place.
And there’s also what’s appropriate.
If you’re just grabbing a casual coffee or you are with colleagues and you start detailing your latest medical procedure or some super messy drama that involves way too many intimate details, it’s just a lot for people to process.
Yes, they may want to know you, but they don’t necessarily want the “too much information” version of you right away.
You’re just making things difficult.
Keep the deep stuff for your inner circle, and even at that, you must know the time and place.
Someone’s mother’s funeral is not the right time to talk about a guy you met at the club.
During a girls’ night out, sure, but definitely not at a funeral.
6. You can’t read the room
This is something I have noticed doesn’t come easily for everybody, but you must learn it if you want to enjoy a proper social life.
See social intelligence like a muscle you have to work out if you lack it, or people are going to start avoiding you.
You must learn to read the atmosphere and vibe to know what people would really appreciate at any given time, even if they don’t say it out loud.
For instance, if everyone is packing up their bags and looking at the door, that’s probably not the best time to start a twenty-minute story about your cat.
Or if the vibe is really somber and quiet, don’t come in there blasting loud and high-energy jokes.
Being so self-absorbed that you can’t see what’s happening around you is a major turn-off.
All you really have to do is take a second to look at people’s faces and body language before you decide how to act.
7. You are unnecessarily contrarian
This one actually irks me – you know, those people who disagree just for the sake of being different, not because they actually believe what they are saying.
We get it, you’re unique.
But if everyone says they love a movie and you immediately start listing all the reasons why it actually sucks – just to prove you have a refined taste – you’re just exhausting people.
Note that I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having a totally different opinion; It’s totally fine to.
But make sure it’s actually your opinion and not just a personality trait you’ve adopted to seem unique.
Because being a devil’s advocate all the time doesn’t make you sound smart; it just makes you exhausting to be around.
8. You are very negative
Another issue is when you’re constantly negative.
If every time you show up, you’re complaining about the weather, your boss, or some bad news you heard on the radio, people are going to start associating you with bad vibes.
Sure, life is hard, and we all need to vent sometimes, but if you’re always the bearer of bad news, you’ll find that people will stop inviting you to things.
People don’t want to be reminded about the negativity in the world every time; sometimes, they just want to relax.
That’s why nobody will want to be around you if you don’t let them have that.
So, try to find something positive to say once in a while.
I’m not asking you to be fake, but maybe don’t lead with a tragedy every single time.
9. Your jokes are always offensive
We all love a good laugh, but there’s a thin line between jokes and offence.
If your jokes are always at someone else’s expense or rely on being offensive, you’re no longer joking; you’re just being mean.
You might think you’re being hilarious, but if the people around you are looking at their shoes or forcing a tight smile, you’ve definitely missed the mark.
Naturally, humor should bring people together, not make them feel attacked or awkward.
If you find that your jokes are constantly offending people, it’s probably time to rethink what you actually find funny and why.
10. You don’t give off a pleasant smell
Lastly, and I really don’t want to be harsh here, but hygiene actually matters.
I already related a personal experience above; that’s exactly how people are going to feel around you.
Unfortunately, it’s one of those things that’s super hard to bring up, so people will just quietly move away.
No matter where the offensive smell is coming from, it makes it really hard for people to focus on what you’re saying when they’re trying to breathe through their mouth.
So, put a little bit of effort; it goes a long way in making everyone feel comfortable.