If you take a look around you today, you’ll find that a lot of people are hoarding or expressing their desire to be in a great relationship.
I even saw a tweet on X in which a lady said that money was no longer a concern for her.
All she’s seeking is love.
Of course, the tweet was met with a lot of negative comments, but she said what she said.
Relationships are what we make it to be.
As many people seek to be in as many great relationships as possible, up to 50% of that population is not willing to work for a great relationship.
Some people think that being in a great relationship means being with someone who checks all the right boxes.
What they fail to understand is that having a great relationship begins with you being a great person and partner.
You, too, must be able to check the right boxes if you want your relationship to blossom.
I did quite a number of things to improve my relationship (yes, I am interested in having a great relationship, too), and I’m gladly willing to share them with you.
6 Actionable Steps I Took to Improve My Relationship
1. Effective Communication
“Oh, thou that seekest a beautiful relationship, art thou ready to talk?”
That is just me testing my Shakespearean English skills.
But, for real.
You who are seeking a beautiful relationship, are you ready to become talkative?
Maybe not in the exact sense of the word, but something like that.
I am someone who some people will consider quiet.
I talk a lot when I am talking, but if I am not comfortable around you, it does not matter how many years we spend together; you might see me as a quiet person.
And the truth is, most of the time, I prefer to be inactive.
I will just be by myself, surfing social media from my quiet corner or doing my job, and not speak to anyone.
But in my relationship, I knew I had to consciously stay in communication with my partner, whether I felt like it or not.
So, even on days when I preferred to remain silent, I made a deliberate effort to communicate with him.
So if you want to achieve your dream relationship, the first thing you need to actively do is talk.
There is no space to hoard things or keep your partner away from what is going on in your life at any time.
2. Active Listening
I’ve spent a lot of time talking about talking.
Now, let’s listen.
Note how I said that there are days in my life when I don’t want to talk to anybody.
I just want to be by myself.
And because I just want to be by myself, I am not exactly interested in anybody’s discussion, even when I do not have to make any contributions.
I don’t want to talk and I don’t want to listen to anybody.
But I had to quickly learn that it wouldn’t work if I wanted my relationship to work.
You have to be there for your partner and listen to them when they have concerns.
You must be their first safe place, where they know that they can talk and be heard with no judgment.
They need to know that you value their perspectives and care about their needs.
So even when I wanted to be cut off from every form of communication, I chose to be actively available to listen to my man and make sure that he knew that I was open anytime he wanted to just pour out.
3. Conflict Resolution Skills
I do not like conflicts or anything that will cause confrontations, quarrels, or other problems.
So much so that if a person offends me, I prefer to stay away from the person and cut off contact rather than have to go through the stress of confrontations and addressing the issue.
However, I came to realize that every relationship faces challenges and conflicts from time to time.
It’s not all lovey-dovey, nor is it a bed of roses.
It is the union of two people with individual differences.
So instead of avoiding conflicts and throwing away my partner like I usually would, I learned to address them calmly and constructively.
It took a while, but with empathetic listening and compromises here and there, we were able to find mutually satisfactory solutions and resolve conflicts amicably.
4. Expressing Gratitude
Appreciating the little things goes a long way in a relationship.
Yes, you and your partner are responsible for each other, but there is no law binding them to do anything for you.
Even if there is a law, people can still choose to defy it and do as they like.
So knowing that I am not in any way entitled to my man’s help and kindness, I made a habit of expressing gratitude to him for his love, support, and acts of kindness.
It didn’t matter if it was a major sacrifice or something as simple as giving me a hug when I was distressed.
Saying “thank you” and doing other things to express your gratitude goes a long way toward showing your partner how much you value and appreciate them.
5. Personal Growth and Self-Care
As against the popular belief that people in relationships should only be concerned about their partners and what their partner needs, I discovered that placing priority on my personal growth and well-being can move my relationship from point 5 all the way up to 10.
A healthy relationship is a union between two healthy people.
And by being healthy, I mean physically, mentally, emotionally, and otherwise.
It’ll be a struggle to have a whole relationship in a relationship where one or both parties are not whole.
So, I focused on my personal growth and self-care, nurturing my physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
I made sure I ate healthy and took care of my skin and my entire body.
Stayed fit by regular exercises.
And you know, the more I took care of myself, the more I became a better partner capable of giving and receiving love wholeheartedly.
6. Spontaneity and Fun
You should already know that if you are a boring person, your relationship will most likely be a boring one.
You are boring when you cannot initiate fun activities and are not receptive to the fun activities another person proposes.
You’re comfortable being in your quiet, boring space and following your rigid routine, which you have maintained for several years.
There is no room for spontaneity.
Sorry, but you’ll only see beautiful relationships as fairytales.
Yours will be rigid and routine-based, just like you are.
I am more of a stay-at-home person.
And before I get out of the house for anything, I have to plan it.
But in a relationship, I discovered that a man can just call you out of the blue and say, “Get dressed and come out. I’m waiting for you.”
You can’t, at that point, decide that because you didn’t plan it, you’re going nowhere.
Where’s the fun?
You must come up with creative ways to keep the fountain bubbling in your relationship.
Improving your relationship requires intention, effort, and commitment from both partners.
Anyone who wants to improve their relationship must know this and be willing to work hard for it.
And it is not a one-off thing.
It is a continuous process.
As long as you want your relationship to be beautiful, you and your partner must continue working to achieve it.