Communication is the very bedrock of human interactions.
This is why it is said that “man cannot not communicate.”
Communication occurs when a message has been sent, received, understood, and responded to.
Marriage is one of the deepest human interactions that requires extra intentionality and sacrifices to maintain.
It is a beautiful journey filled with love, companionship, and sometimes, challenges. One of the most common issues that many couples face is a lack of effective communication.
As soon as communication becomes an issue in marriage, there is room for several other issues to spring up.
Lack of communication is when one of both partners decide to shut down on communication.
It results in frustrating, unresolved conflicts, emotional trauma, hatred, and even resentment.
At this point, the partners will begin to doubt the strength of their relationship and feel isolated.
It’s not something anyone should experience in their marriage.
In today’s article, we will be looking at what a wife can do to restore communication when her husband is not communicating with her.
7 Things to Do When Your Husband Does Not Communicate
1. Understand the Reasons Behind His Silence
I don’t reckon that anyone would just shut out on communication when there’s no challenge.
And there’s no point making assumptions when your husband is right there for you to ask.
So before jumping to conclusions, try to understand why he is not communicating.
There could be many reasons behind his silence, and not all of them are necessarily negative.
It could be that he is dealing with stress at work, feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, or struggling with something personal that he’s not ready to talk about.
You know how someone can be so overwhelmed that they can’t even say a thing.
And men often handle stress differently than women and would sometimes retreat into silence as a coping mechanism.
Staying quiet at this time can also help them not take out their frustrations on another person.
2. Create a Safe Space for Communication
After you’ve discovered the reason why he is not communicating, the next thing you want to do is to assure him that you are a safe place for him to vent his frustration and anger.
There are men who would always go to their wives first no matter how angry and frustrated they are.
They know that they can always bank on her to make them at ease in the face of challenges.
Then there are men who won’t even go to their wives when they are at ease so that their ease will not turn to tension.
Creating an environment where your husband feels safe to express his thoughts and feelings is not a one-off thing.
You need to make him know that you are always a safe place at all times.
This means that you have to be non-judgmental, patient, and supportive when he does choose to open up.
Sometimes, men fear that expressing their emotions will lead to conflict or that they will be misunderstood.
And when they are stressed, the last thing they want to do is get into a confrontation with their wives.
When he becomes assured of the fact that you are a safe place for him, he can talk to you freely without fear of conflict or judgment.
3. Pick the Right Time to Talk
Timing is everything when it comes to communication.
I understand that you want to know what has happened that is making him so tense and troubled.
But you should also allow him to breathe first before bombarding him with questions.
Sometimes being his safe place means that you share your presence with him even when you both are not talking.
Staying in the same room with him without probing him can just give him some level of peace.
If your husband is already stressed or tired, bringing up serious conversations might not yield the best results.
Instead, try to choose a time when both of you are relaxed and can talk without distractions.
After he’s gotten calm and at ease, he’s more likely to engage in a meaningful conversation with you.
4. Use “I” Statements
Peradventure the communication situation in your home has gotten to a place where you actually need to go and present your case, you want to be careful with the way you present it so as not to cause more issues than the already existing one.
One way to do this is by using the “I” statements.
For example, instead of saying, “You never talk to me,” try saying, “I feel lonely when we don’t communicate.”
You see that by doing this you move the point of focus from their insufficiencies to your needs.
This approach is less accusatory and focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame on him.
You can also get him to share his perspective without feeling defensive.
5. Be Patient
When you see your husband in a state of incommunicado, you do not know why he’s there, how long he intends to be there, or how long before your efforts yield results.
You have to be thoroughly patient.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and communication issues won’t be resolved in a single conversation.
He may come out today and slip in tomorrow again.
In marriage, you have all the time to do it over and over again until it sticks.
And one thing you don’t want to do is copy someone else’s timeline.
Wear your garment of patience, hold your husband’s hands and let him walk with you to achieve what works for your family.
When you show patience, you’re telling your husband how much you are committed to the relationship and willing to support him at his own pace.
6. Apologize if You Have Offended Him
Sometimes your husband may refuse to communicate with you because you have offended him.
I always stand against silent treatment at all times.
But two people giving each other silent treatment in a home doesn’t not amount to communication.
If you have offended him, apologize and leave him to start communicating at his own pace.
And when he does, don’t decide to serve him silent treatment too unless your goal is to tear down your marriage.
Pick a time when you both are relaxed and happy with each other to speak to him about not giving you silent treatment.
You should apply the rules given above to encourage him to communicate more when he is mad at you rather than go silent.
7. Reflect on Your Own Communication Style
You know that people have different communication styles, and a person may feel like another person is not communicating just because they are not using their own communication style?
It’s also important to reflect on your own communication style.
Apart from the fact that his communication style may not be satisfactory, you may also be discouraging his communication with the way you communicate.
So you need to ask yourself to know if there are ways you might be contributing to the breakdown in communication.
Are you listening as much as you’re talking?
Are you open to hearing his side of things, even if it’s not what you want to hear?
When you are honest with yourself about your own communication habits you should be able to approach the situation more effectively.
A breach in communication may be a temporary situation in the marriage that is borne out of stress, anger, and other emotions.
As much as possible, couples should work towards ensuring that there are no communication lapses in their marriage.
If it is the issue of difference in communication style plaguing you two, you should be ready to adopt each other’s communication style to an extent and make allowances to understand each other’s communication style.
Communication usually flows freely, but when it doesn’t, couples must take it upon themselves to keep the flow.