Maybe I should start by establishing the fact that intimacy isn’t sex—for people who are unsure if they should be here or not.
People schedule sex in their marriage to keep the sex coming, especially when they have a really tight and busy schedule.
But intimacy cannot just be scheduled.
And intimacy can be lacking in a marriage where sex is thriving.
So, what is intimacy?
Intimacy is a deep connection that encompasses emotional, intellectual, experiential, physical, and even spiritual bonds, between two people.
Intimacy happens when two people prioritize themselves and are committed to each other in ways they are not committed to other people.
It thrives on openness and vulnerability.
It is a primary part of marriage, serving as a cornerstone for emotional connection, trust, and mutual satisfaction.
But it is not an uncommon thing for couples to face periods where intimacy seems to have faded, or have actually faded.
Intimacy takes a lot of intentionality to build and maintain.
The good news is that when intimacy wanes, it can be rekindled.
Here are 9 things you can do to set that passion on fire in your marriage once again.
9 Things to Do When Intimacy Has Ceased in Your Marriage
1. Acknowledge the Issue
Do you know how people are oblivious to their predicaments?
This should not be you.
The first step in addressing the issue of lack of intimacy in your marriage is acknowledging that it exists.
Denial or avoidance will not solve the problem even one bit.
The problem will not also disappear because you have refused to acknowledge it.
The only thing you’re living in denial will do for you is exacerbate the problem.
Sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about how you both feel.
This discussion should be open and non-judgmental, focused on understanding each other’s perspectives.
2. Talk About It
So you both are seated and ready to have a conversation.
How do you go about it?
As I’ve already mentioned, the conversation must be open, honest, and free from judgment.
You should also know that you are having this conversation about intimacy with your spouse, not just anybody; you should be as clear about your feelings as possible.
This is an interactive conversation.
Be aware that your spouse also has concerns, and be fully prepared to listen to them.
Avoid the blame game; it never solves anything; instead, use more of the “I” statements.
For example, you could say, “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend time together,” instead of, “You don’t like to spend time with me.”
Using this approach will allow for a more constructive dialogue.
The more honest you are in the conversation, the better you can clarify misunderstandings and express your needs and desires.
3. Evaluate the Underlying Issues
Often, a lack of intimacy may be a symptom of deeper issues in the marriage.
Issues like stress, unresolved conflicts, health problems, or even lifestyle changes can affect the connection between you and your spouse.
So you need to take time to evaluate what might be contributing to the problem.
Are there recent changes in your lives?
Are there unresolved arguments?
Is one person carrying the bulk of household responsibility and being weighed down by stress?
Understanding the root cause will help you address the issue more effectively.
Once you pinpoint the issue, you can take deliberate steps to resolve it.
4. Reconnect Emotionally
Okay, maybe it is the physical intimacy you’re seeking.
So you want to quickly skip this part.
Hold on a bit.
Emotional intimacy is as crucial as physical intimacy.
And if you want to rekindle physical intimacy, you must first rekindle emotional intimacy.
How do you go about this?
You can do this by spending quality time together doing activities you both enjoy.
You know, activities as simple as taking a walk, cooking a meal together, or having a date night.
These moments help to rebuild the emotional bond that will support the physical intimacy between you and your spouse.
6. Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, couples need outside help to discuss their issues and find solutions.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking external help.
A therapist or counselor specializing in relationships would be able to see things from a neutral perspective and will be unbiased in their judgment.
They can also provide valuable insights and tools to help you reconnect.
What therapy does is offer you both a safe space to explore your feelings and work through problems with the guidance of a professional.
Just listening to your thoughts and experiences, a therapist can identify patterns that add up to be the underlying cause of the lack of intimacy in your marriage.
A therapist will also provide strategies to improve communication and intimacy.
7. Prioritize Physical Affection
Physical intimacy doesn’t always mean sex.
And you can’t have great marital intimacy if the only time you get physical with each other is for coitus.
We’re not animals; we have been given emotions and the ability to feel.
Take time to explore your spouse’s body.
You should know their body like the back of your palm.
Strengthen your physical bond through holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc.
These seemingly little acts can go a long way toward reinforcing your connection.
Small acts of affection are the real builders of the wall of physical closeness that leads to a more intimate relationship.
Aside from helping the intimacy in a marriage bloom, physical touch is a powerful way to express love and affection.
And this expression is a display of emotional intimacy.
So physical touch is basically both physical and emotional intimacy.
8. Spice Things Up
Do everything but make sure your marriage does not become a boring routine.
No spice, no spontaneity.
It is just a daily routine that does not change.
You see, things can be so fun and easy to do until they become routine – then it’s just a matter of time before they become tacky and boring.
Routine can kill intimacy.
Intimacy is supposed to be fun and spontaneous.
It is given that couples get so busy in marriage trying to keep the family together.
But every now and then, try introducing new activities or changes in your routine to keep things exciting.
Try a new hobby together, travel to new places, and try new things in the bedroom.
Introducing variety can bring back the excitement and anticipation that fuels intimacy.
So exploring these new experiences together will help to rekindle the sense of adventure and novelty in your marriage.
9. Focus on Self-Care
I hear some people say, “I am married. I don’t need to try hard anymore.”
Wow.
Are you aware that the better you look in marriage, the more attractive you are to your spouse?
And this works both ways—for the husband and the wife.
If your spouse didn’t marry you as a tattered person, they expect you to maintain that appearance and even improve it.
Because when you’ve stayed in one place for too long it becomes stagnant, and stagnation is boring.
And self-care isn’t just physical; it concerns your emotional and mental health as well.
You should be practicing continuous self-care and growth.
Exercising regularly, eating proper nutrition, and having your personal time can enhance your mood and energy levels, making you more present and engaged in your marriage.
When you both prioritize self-care, you are better equipped to contribute positively to your marriage.
The thing with intimacy in marriage is that it is in the hands of the couple.
It is left for them to decide what their intimate life will look like boring or juicy.
So, if intimacy is lacking in your marriage, you both must consciously take these steps to rekindle it and enjoy marital bliss.