It is very important that you ask your partner some very important questions.
For instance, their goals and values.
You want to know that you and your partner are headed towards similar directions before you even start the walk.
There are several other things you both must talk about before the beginning of the relationship because “ignorance is bliss” does not apply to every situation.
Yet, there are some things you do not introduce to a building at the foundation level.
You can’t bring in roofing sheets or window/door frames at the foundation level.
You can’t also bring in electricals at this level.
That’s how it is with relationships.
You know that they are things you will eventually need to talk about in the relationship.
But bringing them up at that initial stage is wrong timing and may not be received peaceably.
I know that you do not want to start off your relationship with conflicts, so here are 7 questions that you should refrain from asking your spouse at the beginning of the relationship.
7 Questions You Shouldn’t Ask in the Early Stages of a Relationship
1. “How many people have you dated before me?”
It’s normal to be curious about your partner’s past relationships, but what do you need the information for at the beginning stage?
Someone said they want to make sure that their partner does not have another partner outside.
I mean, if you do not trust that your partner is a single person at the beginning of your relationship, you should not even be in a relationship with them.
Trying to go into their dating history too soon is not even very healthy for you as a person.
Next thing, you will be creating unnecessary comparisons in your mind and that’s how insecurity will creep in.
Everyone has a past, but it’s the present that truly matters.
Pay attention to building your unique connection with your partner without letting previous relationships overshadow your budding romance.
2. “Do you see a future with me?”
Now this one is a bit tricky.
If you are already looking at building your future stability, getting married and building a family, for instance, you should be with someone who is also at this point in their lives.
And you’ll know without even asking because they’ll be speaking the same language as you are.
But if you’re not in this place, I think you should just let your relationship bud and evolve naturally.
When you know your partner’s goals and values, I think you can easily tell if you both stand a future together.
Some people do not want to be pressured at the beginning of their relationships.
They want to take the walk step by step and watch life and love unfold before them.
When you begin to ask them about the future, they begin to feel unnecessary rushed and pressured.
But you know what you want in a relationship, so you should approach this situation with wisdom and based on what you want.
3. “Why are you still single?”
I’m laughing.
If someone asked me this question, someone who is hitting on me, I’ll simply say “I was waiting for you to come around.”
But not everyone will perceive this question as I would.
In fact, this question can come off as judgmental even when it sounds really innocent.
Some people are struggling with esteem issues and other things.
Some people have had terrible experiences in their past relationships that they do not want to recount at the beginning of a new bud in their lives.
We have to be careful how we ask questions.
I mean, after a while in the relationship, you should be able to tell why your partner was single at the time you met them without even asking.
If your relationship is a healthy one, your partner won’t hold these things in for too long.
So instead of asking a question that may trigger something in them, put in patience and love to build a healthy relationship.
4. “How much do you earn?”
I’m not sure how these things work for others, but if someone I’m talking to or someone I just got into a relationship with asks me about my earnings, I’ll become very uncomfortable and even suspicious.
I don’t know maybe it is because of my past experiences in relationships.
But money is a very sensitive topic and can be a major source of stress in relationships.
When you ask your partner about finances too early, it can make them either feel like you are about to loot them, or that you’re judging them, depending on which side of the financial divide they’re on.
It is very important to discuss finances in your relationship.
But timing and manner of approach are also very important.
You can share financial responsibilities in the relationship without even asking what your partner earns.
I think it is left for them to decide whether or not they want to let you in on their income and the likes.
5. “Are you in love with me?”
Wait.
Do people actually ask this question in their relationship?
Do we not all assume that the person who were getting into a relationship with is in love with us?
Or do you both not verbally express love and affection to each other?
I think I’ve seen a movie or two that answers our questions.
In some culture, love is such a big thing.
People can literally date each other and do all the things that couples do without necessarily being in love with each other.
They do not even see the need to express it.
But sometimes, after a while, they fall in love with each other, and they begin to express their love.
If you’re in a relationship with someone from this culture, best believe they won’t express love to you at the beginning of a relationship because they really aren’t in love with you.
Asking them this question at the beginning will only put them under pressure and anxiety.
They’ll even be surprised if you express love to them at the beginning.
So you need to know who you’re dating.
And if we want to agree, love is a powerful and profound emotion that develops over time.
Use the beginning of your relationship to share meaningful moments and build emotional intimacy without rushing to label your feelings.
6. “What do your parents do?”
Unless your partner brings you in on their family at the initial stage of your relationship, you shouldn’t raise the topic.
Bringing you into their families and friends is one proof that your partner wants to build something long lasting with you.
But when they are still taking baby steps with you at the beginning of the relationship, you should not try to pry into their private lives that they have not granted you access to.
For some people, their family background is deeply personal, and they won’t let you in on this information until you’ve reached a certain level of closeness.
Being patient and allowing your partner to introduce you to their family by themselves shows that you respect their privacy and boundaries.
7. “Why did your last relationship end?”
You don’t want your relationship to end in the same way?
I think if you pay attention to putting in the necessary effort and doing things right in your relationship, your relationship won’t crash.
I understand the need to want to know things so that we can avoid making similar mistakes, but looking into the reasons behind their last breakup can be too intense for the early stages of the relationship.
It’s better to allow your partner to share this information when they feel comfortable, rather than asking them about it.
If you ask me that question at the beginning, I will just get thrown off balance.
You don’t want your partner to see you as insensitive, do you?
Early relationship stages are filled with excitement and potential.
A lot of decisions about the future of the relationship are usually made at the early stage, especially with people whose eyes are opened in the relationship.
So use your beginning stage to set a good pace for your relationship.
You cannot know everything about a person in a day.
Getting to know each other is a journey without an end.
So enjoy the ride, cherish the moments, and let things unfold naturally.