More often than not, we see and hear stories of people blaming another person for ruining their marriage.
But we barely see people who beat themselves up for ruining their own marriage.
Truth is, there are more marriages today ruined by the couples than external factors, but it is easier to cast blame on others, isn’t it?
Whatever you want your marriage to be, you have the power to do.
The trouble we face in the human race is the fact that people do not like to get up and take responsibility for themselves.
They like to stand aside and let someone else take the responsibility for them so that they can easily apportion blames when things go south.
When you see people who have the best of marriages, you have seen people who have decided to get up and be responsible for the well-being of their marriage.
They make mistakes, learn, and grow.
But you see people who do not like to take responsibility, they are the ones who usually ruin their own marriages without even knowing it.
Today we want to expose 6 ways couple could ruin their marriage without even knowing it.
6 Ways You Are Ruining Your Marriage Without Even Knowing It
1. Taking Each Other for Granted
Married couples have this bad habit of taking each other for granted after they have gained comfort in the marriage.
After getting married for a few years, they become so used to each other that the things that used to feel really special to them now become common.
And sometimes, they do not even know it.
When your spouse does something for you, and you do not acknowledge it or express gratitude because the deed is “their responsibility,” you are taking them for granted.
Or when you fail to maintain the standard of life you lived before you got married because “they are now mine, I don’t need to do extra,” you are taking them for granted.
It is easy to fall into a routine where you assume that your partner will always be there, regardless of how you treat them.
When you begin to make this assumption, you also begin to neglect small acts of kindness or appreciation, making your partner feel undervalued.
This can cause resentment and emotional distance over time.
2. Poor Communication Habits
People would expect communication to be the easiest and most natural part of any relationship, yet many couples struggle with it.
Struggling with communication doesn’t always mean that the couple is always arguing or that they usually face misunderstandings.
Sometimes, they struggle because they do not talk when they are supposed to or they do not know the right things to talk about.
Someone asked if it is possible for couples to stay without talking.
Do you know about the silent treatment?
Or, if that’s too far-fetched, we do see couples who outrightly avoid difficult conversations in their marriage because they do not want trouble.
Or the ones who bottle up their emotions probably because their spouse is in the habit of invalidating their feelings.
All these seemingly harmless communication habits can cause major damage to the marriage if not dealt with early enough.
3. Comparing Your Marriage to Others
A verse in the Bible says: “They that compare themselves with themselves are not wise.”
Comparison is the thief of joy, and this is especially true in marriage.
As soon as you move your focus from your blessings in your marriage and begin to focus on someone else’s blessings, you lose the ability to see the good things that are happening in your marriage.
You want only what others have.
Why?
What is wrong with what you have?
It is only a foolish person who tears their own home down.
Constantly comparing your marriage to others leads to dissatisfaction and unrealistic expectations.
When dissatisfaction and disappointment creep into the marriage, hatred, and resentment quickly follow.
Every marriage is unique, with its own strengths and challenges.
Instead of focusing on what you think you’re missing, appreciate what you have and work on building a marriage that is fulfilling for both you and your spouse.
4. Failing to Prioritize Intimacy
Intimacy is a very vital aspect of marriage.
Every adult has intimate needs, and that is why there is a provision such as marriage—to satisfy the intimate needs of the married couple.
So what happens if the couples do not give priority to something as important as this?
Some people start off on a very good note in their marriage, but with time, life gets busier, and many couples prioritize everything over their intimate relationship.
And without knowing, they begin to create a rift between each other.
A married woman once advised other married people to do everything possible to maintain sexual intimacy in their marriage, even if it meant creating a timetable for it.
I think couples looking at building and preserving their marriage long-term should take this advice.
It intentionally makes time for both physical affection and emotional closeness.
Small gestures like holding hands, cuddling, or sharing heartfelt conversations can go a long way toward maintaining a deep connection.
5. Allowing External Influences to Interfere
If there’s one thing that is a big no for me, it’s a couple living in their parents’ house after marriage.
There are several reasons why people choose to do this, and some of them are valid.
But for valid or invalid reasons, it is still a no for me.
Especially for young newlyweds.
When people get married, they should be allowed time to learn from each other and decide the course they want their marriage to sail without any external influence.
The person who is influencing their marriage is not in the marriage and cannot possibly know what it is that they are going through the way they know it.
Their influence is usually biased and based on how they feel, not based on the couple’s needs.
External influences, most times, create a strain on marriage.
People who are unable to live a private married life are also on this table.
They feel the need to publicize everything that happens in their marriage, and they do not know that they are setting up their marriage to ruin it.
It is very important to set boundaries and protect your marriage from outside interference.
This doesn’t mean that you should isolate yourselves or not seek help from trusted people or professionals when you are in distress; instead, it means ensuring that your marriage is a priority and that decisions are made together as a team.
6. Ignoring the Importance of Self-Care
Unpopular opinion, but whatever you do to/for yourself, you are doing to/for your marriage.
I need to say this because some people are in the habit of neglecting their self-care in the face of “I am taking care of my marriage.”
Husbands and wives, how can I begin to emphasize the importance of taking care of yourself in your marriage?
If you want a healthy, balanced marriage, you must take care of yourself.
If you are not in good health and sound mind, you may be building a marriage and a home that you won’t be able to enjoy.
When you’re stressed, exhausted, or unhappy, you can’t be a supportive partner.
And if you cannot support your spouse, what kind of marriage are you building?
Take care of your health and your physical appearance.
Make sure that you are always neat, clean, fine, and healthy.
Let your spouse be tempted to fall in love with you over and over again.
Once you begin to repulse your spouse, you are tearing apart your marriage with your bare hands.
Marriage is a continuous work in progress that requires effort, understanding, and patience from both partners.
Everybody makes mistakes, but knowing there are some mistakes that should be completely avoided if you do not want to damage your marriage.
It’s those things that look like they do not matter that usually have the biggest impact on the longevity and happiness of your marriage.
So, take the time to nurture and cherish it – both you and your spouse deserve it.