How do we talk about toxicity in marriage?
It troubles me that many people go into marriage to do life with the love of their lives.
With so many beautiful expectations.
Yet, they go in and go through a lot of negative experiences.
How do we talk about toxicity in marriage?
That a home that is supposed to be a person’s safe haven has become their hell on earth?
Marriage is often considered a union built on love, trust, and mutual respect.
But the foundation of many marriages today has begun to crack, and the master is now a toxic environment where people do not have a breath of fresh air.
People do not bargain for emotional trauma and mental health challenges when they get into marriage.
Being in a toxic marriage will leave you overwhelmed, drained, and isolated.
If you do not know how to manage the marriage, you will soon become a shadow of yourself.
Where life is supposed to be beautiful and productive for you, it becomes a thing of sadness and gloom.
This is not what life should be for you.
But because we know that not all toxic marriages should be abandoned right away, and we also know that some people will rather die in toxicity than walk away from it, we have put together these 7 practical ways to manage a toxic marriage and not lose yourself in the process.
Let’s walk through them together.
7 Tips to Help You Manage a Toxic Marriage
1. Recognize the Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Before we discuss how to manage a toxic marriage, we should first understand what makes it toxic.
Because you may be in a toxic marriage, and you don’t even know.
Yet again, what you may call toxicity in your marriage may not be what we’re talking about here.
The first thing you need to know is the fact that toxicity doesn’t always mean overt abuse.
For example, when your partner hits you or goes verbally with you,
It can be more subtle things like manipulation, constant criticism, lack of respect, or emotional neglect.
If you always feel drained, anxious, or unhappy around your spouse, and it’s been this way for a while, that’s a sign.
When you recognize the toxicity present in your marriage, you hit your first milestone in managing it.
2. Set Boundaries
One of the most powerful tools for managing toxicity is setting clear, firm boundaries.
The reason why a lot of people suffer toxicity in their marriage is the fact that they have a wrong notion that they can’t set boundaries against their spouse.
But that’s not correct.
If your spouse seems to be taking advantage of your leniency and abusing you, you need to reevaluate and readjust your boundaries.
When I say to set boundaries, I am not advising you to push your spouse away.
But I am saying that you must create a healthy space for yourself where you can breathe and be.
Let’s use name-calling and constant criticism as examples.
If your partner is always criticizing you, tell them how it affects you and ask them to stop.
Clearly, let them know that you won’t tolerate name-calling or manipulative behavior.
Of course, you can’t control your partner’s actions or force them to treat you properly, but you can control what you accept.
Boundaries help you protect your mental health, and staying firm with your boundaries may force your partner to confront their behavior.
3. Communicate Effectively
It’s easy to fall into destructive communication patterns in a toxic marriage because you are going through a lot, and how do you even hold back your emotions when they run high?
You’ll find yourself yelling, shutting down, or giving silent treatment instead of actually talking about the issue.
And none of these can resolve underlying issues.
So, instead of doing things that do not yield results, aim for a calm and clear communication style, even when it’s tough.
This approach will help reduce defensiveness and help you both have a more constructive conversation.
If you have issues holding a conversation without it resulting in arguments, you can try writing down your feelings or having discussions at a time when both of you are calm.
4. Seek Professional Help
Toxicity is something that, if you do not tread carefully, can mess up with your head.
And sometimes, it feels impossible.
This is why you should seek the help of a professional to walk through the challenges.
Therapy—either individual or couples counseling—can actually work more wonders than you know.
A trained therapist helps you see things from an unbiased and unsentimental perspective, offers coping strategies, and guides you in decision-making.
Even if your partner isn’t willing to go to therapy, you can still seek personal counseling.
It will give you a safe space to express your frustrations and learn ways to manage stress, set boundaries, and heal emotionally.
5. Focus on Self-Care
Nothing is more important than yourself.
At all times, prioritize yourself and your well-being. Otherwise, you can’t have anything.
Being in a toxic marriage can be very exhausting.
It will drain you and strip you of your productivity, and you’ll barely even have time for yourself.
If you must maintain your mental and emotional well-being and productivity during this period, you must prioritize self-care.
One of the ways to care for yourself is by engaging in activities that make you feel good.
When you focus on self-care, you can refill your emotional reserves and make it easier to deal with the challenges in your marriage.
6. Don’t Isolate Yourself
Toxicity thrives very well in isolation.
And many times, we find that people tend to isolate themselves when they are faced with issues like toxicity.
You may feel too ashamed to talk to others about your marriage, or maybe it’s just your spouse discouraging you from seeking outside support.
But isolation will only worsen the problem, making you feel more trapped and alone.
Try as much as possible to break out of it.
Reach out to trusted friends or family members, even if it’s just to have someone listen.
You can decide to keep some details for security purposes, but having a support system will keep you aware of your worth and value, reminding you that you’re not alone.
7. Know When to Walk Away
This is probably the hardest truth: Not all toxic marriages can be saved.
And some of them will only be saved when you both stay apart from each other.
If your relationship is abusive, manipulative, or destructive to your mental and physical health, the healthiest choice may be to leave.
Only people who are alive can get married.
Walking away doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’ve chosen to live and do so in good health.
Again, this is up to you to decide.
The decision to stay or leave is 100% your responsibility.
If you feel like you’re not safe, seek advice from professionals or organizations that specialize in domestic abuse.
Leaving a toxic marriage can be difficult, but staying in one that continues to harm you will definitely have long-term emotional and psychological effects.
Managing a toxic marriage is no easy feat, but it’s not impossible.
Try to focus on small, manageable steps rather than trying to fix everything at once.
Every marriage is different, and what works for one couple may not work for another.
But you should be able to be honest with yourself about what you need and to take the steps necessary to protect your mental and emotional health.
Today is a good day to remind you that you deserve happiness and peace in your life.