Because I’ve been in this situation before, I can suspect what is happening in your mind.
“I’d rather live in the illusion that they actually like me than bear the pain of realizing that they didn’t like me after all.”
I think about love, and I wonder how one thing can function at two extremes—it can be so beautiful and fulfilling when it is good and can cause the fiercest of pains when it goes wrong.
I think about it, and I shudder.
I believe that if there were a 100% assurance that love will always be good, every single person in this world would choose to love.
But we do not have that assurance.
So some people decide to stay away from love, and some people choose to keep trying until they find the one that’s good for them.
And the one that is good for you will love you wholly and without fail.
To reach this one, you must be able to filter out people who do not really love you as they pretend to.
But how do you find people in this category?
Because as painful as it is, you must let go of the fake to be able to get the real.
Let’s consider 6 things fake people do when they do not really love you.
6 Things People Do When They Don’t Really Love You
1. They Make Excuses to Avoid You
I’ve never seen where a person who loves another is always seeking ways to avoid them.
Even if there’s a situation like that, it will be temporary and for a very acceptable reason.
But when someone doesn’t love you as they pretend to, they’ll often make excuses to avoid spending time with you.
It’s not that they’re too busy—there isn’t even anything as “too busy” because people own their time and decide what they want to use their time for—it is just that they do not prioritize you.
How would you know?
If “I’m truly sorry. I really want to do this with you, but something just came up.” comes too frequently, then it may be because they don’t want to be around you as much as they claim.
Something can’t always come up every time you both are supposed to be together.
People who love each other want to be close, whether in person, through calls, or messages.
If someone only reaches out when it’s convenient for them, that’s your sign.
2. They Don’t Make an Effort
Love is not easy.
Maybe it is easy to feel butterflies in the belly and all that tingling sensation.
But showing love?
Expressing love?
That requires intentional effort.
If you want someone to know that you love them, you must be deliberate about it.
From the tiny little gestures like a morning text to planning a date or showing up when it matters.
You must put in the work.
And this is how you know that someone is only pretending to leave you: Are they making an extra effort for you?
Or do they only reach out to you when they need help?
Do they come through for you even in their inconvenience?
Or is it only love when it is convenient for them?
Because as far as I know, people who genuinely care about you will go out of their way, even in small ways, to nurture the relationship.
3. They’re Emotionally Unavailable
Love is very vulnerable.
I like the story of Adam and Eve, which says, “They were both naked and unashamed.”
Shows the vulnerability of love.
If you love someone, you must be able to be “naked and unashamed” with them.
It means you must be open and vulnerable with them.
You should share a good level of emotional connection with them.
So if someone who claims to love you is emotionally distant, you can be sure that they may not love you as much as they claim to.
They’ll shy away from deep conversations and sharing vulnerability with you.
The more you try to build an emotional connection with them, the more they build walls that will keep you at arm’s length instead of being open and honest with you.
I know some people are not emotional people, but if a person loves you for real, the emotional connection just happens without stress.
4. They Don’t Support Your Growth
I know we live in a world where people are pursuing their own race and not concerned with what is going on in the lives of their loved ones, but that energy is not acceptable where I am concerned.
I measure love by how much you support my growth and progress.
I have a basis to—I support my people’s growth like it were mine.
So I can’t let you tell me you love me, but you look the other way when I need support.
People who truly love you will cheer for your successes and support you during failures.
They’ll be there for you in the good times and in the bad times.
But when the love isn’t genuine, the exact opposite happens.
Some people may even go as far as downplaying your achievements or acting indifferent to your ambitions.
Then there are those who may feel threatened by your success and intentionally device means to hold you back.
This type of behavior is toxic and can prevent you from reaching your full potential.
5. They Never Apologize
Pride and love can’t be in the same sentence because humility is a key ingredient in every healthy relationship.
It doesn’t matter whether it is a romantic relationship or a platonic one.
You can tell that a person is really into you when they do not hesitate to take responsibility for their actions and apologize for their undoings.
But you see people who do not love you?
You may need to put a gun to their necks before they take responsibility for their mistakes.
They’ll deflect blame, make excuses, or turn the situation around to make you feel guilty.
Just anything to make sure that they do not own their mistakes.
Apologizing is a sign of humility and a desire to maintain a healthy relationship.
When someone refuses to acknowledge when they’ve hurt you, it shows that they do not care for your feelings.
In a healthy relationship, both parties must be accountable and willing to make amends when necessary.
6. They’re Inconsistent
People who truly love you won’t be here today and there tomorrow.
When you see people who are inconsistent with their love for you, you can tell that they are doing convenient love.
Convenient love is not real love.
One minute, they’re affectionate and attentive, and the next, they’re cold and distant.
Of course, when someone treats you this way, you will become confused and insecure.
Because as far as true love goes, it is consistent and stable.
In a relationship where love is real, you’ll have the comfort of knowing where you stand.
You won’t need to be asking yourself too many questions.
You’re secure in knowing that you are truly loved.
The best time to cut yourself off from toxicity is at the beginning.
Yes, a person who doesn’t truly love you but disguises themselves as a lover is toxic.
And you must be kind enough to cut yourself off as soon as you realize it in order to protect your emotional and mental health.
Love should feel safe, consistent, and supportive.
If you’re noticing any of the behaviors listed above, you should begin to reevaluate the relationship and decide what’s best for your well-being.
Remember, you deserve to be with people who value, support, and love you for who you are.
Don’t settle for less.