There’s something my people call “shege.”
It is a word that expresses hard times and suffering.
Like when they say “you will see shege”, they mean “you will suffer.”
Every day, we see people fall in love and get into a relationship.
But everyday, we are also seeing people who are seeing shege in their relationships.
My question is: the people seeing shege, didn’t they fall in love?
I think falling in love is one of the most exhilarating experiences life has to offer.
If you have experienced it you’ll know what I’m talking about.
But what happens when the love that once felt so right starts feeling wrong?
You’re absolutely correct: people begin to see shege.
And I’m not the type of person who will advise you to stay in a toxic environment and wait for it to get better.
You can wait outside and it will still get better if it wants to.
This doesn’t mean that you should run at the slightest trouble in your relationship, yeah.
But once the situation begins to restrict your airflow, it becomes a threat to your life.
It is only people who are alive that can experience love and heartbreak.
So pay attention to the cases listed below, and if you are found in any of them, begin to gather your things.
6 Signs You Need to Let Go of the Man You Love
1. Constant Unhappiness
How do you even love someone you’re not happy with?
I think happiness and peace of mind go hand-in-hand.
When you are not at peace with a person, you cannot be happy with them.
This will soon begin to affect your mental health and even your productivity.
The person you’re in a relationship with should be your happy place and your peace of mind.
Your safe haven.
So if you find yourself feeling more down than up in the relationship, that’s a red flag.
No matter how much you think you love the person, it is time to let go of them.
Relationships should add joy and contentment to your life.
And your mental health is more important than any relationship.
Because relationships are not all you’re doing in life.
You need a sound mind to be able to function in other areas.
2. Lack of Communication
I am someone who is huge on communication.
And I believe that every relationship should be big on communication.
We get by our daily lives by keeping constant communication and interactions with people—the ones we know and random strangers on our way.
Humans cannot not communicate.
So, how do you relax in a relationship where the communication is on life support?
You should be running around trying to recuperate it, or gathering your things to leave.
I mean, if you and your partner can’t hold an open and honest conversation, or your conversations always end in arguments, there’s a problem.
Something is missing in your relationship.
And the thing with communication in relationships is that it is a two-way thing.
If you are working to make the relationship work, and your man couldn’t care less, I don’t think you should be there, spending your time making unproductive investments.
3. Different Life Goals
This Bible verse should be a guiding light for every person in a relationship: “Can two walk together except they are agreed?”
It should literally be at your fingertips when you are off in search of the love of your life.
Opposite sides only attract a magnet.
Or when they are complementary to each other like on the color wheel.
For instance, you are a loquacious person and your man is more reserved.
You can encourage him to speak out more often when needs arise, and he can encourage you to say only what is necessary when it is necessary.
But when it comes to things like goals and values, two cannot walk together unless they agree.
Your goal is basically where you are headed and your values are the things you place priority on.
If you are headed to Asia and your partner is headed to Africa, how can you both go together?
Or you think it is important to have children while he thinks children are not important, what will your life be like?
It doesn’t matter how much you love a man, if your values do not align, please take a bow.
Because these differences can lead to resentment and heartbreak in the long run.
4. Feeling Unsupported
How can your lover be your biggest critic?
Or worse, not care about what goes on with you?
You can call me old school or any other thing you like, but I stand my ground on the fact that your man cannot love you and not appreciate the things that you do.
He does not know when you get promoted at work, or complete a course that you enrolled for.
He’s either not aware or constantly criticizing.
Your man should be your greatest cheerleader.
As soon as you begin to feel unsupported in a relationship, you are actually not getting support.
Don’t let anyone gaslight you into feeling like you are asking for too much.
When this is something you shouldn’t even be asking for.
If support is not available for you in your relationship, just know that you are in an unhealthy one.
5. Emotional or Physical Abuse
You’ll see and hear some pathetic stories on the Internet that will shock you.
I heard one where the woman said her man beat her up until the day he sent her out of the marriage.
He was beating her while trying to collect the wedding band from her and she was struggling with him.
She still loved him so much that she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him even when he had turned her into a punching bag.
Sometimes, you can only wish these stories were fabricated.
By the time she told this story, she had already spent more than seven years of her life trying to find healing.
And the truth is, she will have to spend more years before she becomes fully whole.
I cannot stress this enough: if there is any form of abuse in your relationship, move.
Let go and seek help.
You’re not Siamese twins with your partner.
And even if you were, siamese twins get separated every now and then.
Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
Or even worse.
It will mess up your self-perception and self-esteem.
Before you realize what is going on, you have written yourself off as being deserving of good things.
If your partner continually belittles you, controls you, or harms you physically, please prioritize your safety and well-being and leave.
6. Infidelity
There are some people who you cannot tie down to one partner.
They’ll tell you that they are polygamous by nature when, in the real sense, they just lack self-discipline.
You who are monogamous in nature will go on to fall in love with a polygamous man.
This is what we meant when we were talking about differences in values.
You won’t survive through it.
When you are with a cheating man, even when you forgive him for his infidelity and are working towards rebuilding trust, there will still be bouts of doubts and insecurities in your mind.
Especially if he’s been a recurring culprit.
So if you can’t deal with a cheating partner, instead of staying and worrying your head every minute about who he is cheating with this time, leave him and move on.
Another thing about being with a polygamous partner that people almost never talk about is the fact that you expose yourself to contracting a sexually transmitted infection from one of his multiple partners.
So there’s really no point putting your physical and mental health on the line for a man who is not committed to you.
Letting go of someone you love is not something that is very easy to do, I must say. Especially when you have invested time and other resources into building the relationship.
But holding on to a relationship that makes you unhappy is even more difficult.
One thing you must know at all times is that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, supported, and loved.
If your current relationship doesn’t offer that, it might be time to let go and make space for something better.
Yes, if you do not come out of toxicity, you rob yourself of the opportunity to find goodness and peace.