Every relationship has its own manual, so we’re well aware that what works in one relationship may not be applicable in another.
In the same pattern, there are things that are not applicable to relationships at all—whether in Asia or Africa.
They are often called relationship “deal breakers.”
Their presence in a relationship can mean the end of the relationship
All of us are working to have harmony, love, and longevity in our relationship.
We do not want to be here today and gone tomorrow.
But achieving a healthy relationship that stands the test of time is a lot of work.
You and your partner must invest effort, understanding, and commitment.
But if you are not careful to eliminate these deal breakers, they can truncate all your efforts and kill your relationship.
So let’s first pull out these relationship killers from their hiding places and bring them to light so that we can have long-lasting relationships.
7 Relationship Killers To Avoid For A Happy Relationship
1. Taking Each Other for Granted
Truth be told, almost everyone has been guilty of this at one time or another.
In the busyness of our daily lives, it is easy to start taking our partners for granted.
This often happens unintentionally but it can make your partner feel unappreciated.
You need to be very intentional about appreciating your partner to be able to overcome this.
You can create a pattern of regularly expressing gratitude and appreciation to your partner.
Beyond this, little gifts and thoughtful texts can also go a long way.
While you’re taking your partner for granted, there’s someone else on standby, treating them like premium luxury.
2. Neglecting Individual Needs
While it’s important to spend time together, it’s equally important to respect each other’s need for personal space and time.
You need to always remember that you’re an individual first before you’re a couple.
Neglecting your own needs or those of your partner will lead to burnout and resentment over time.
Encourage each other to pursue individuality even in the relationship.
You both have personal interests and hobbies, so pursue them.
A healthy relationship is the coming together of two whole people.
It allows both partners to grow and flourish as individuals to keep their independence and individuality.
3. Financial Stress
In every relationship, both partners should be able to contribute to their financial needs.
I was having a conversation with a friend, and I needed to reiterate that the days were long past when women were expected to be full-time housewives earning no income and men were expected to work tooth and nail to support the family financially.
That pattern of living had too many lapses.
It was just wrong in so many ways.
No balance at all.
But we live in an age when both parties bear a fair share of the financial responsibilities in the relationship.
Because of this shared responsibility, partners can create aligning financial goals, budgets, and spending habits.
Research has shown that financial stress is one of the top deal breakers in a relationship.
Different spending habits, financial goals, or unexpected expenses usually create stress and tension.
This can be avoided and boycotted if you both work as a team on financial matters and help each other build a healthy financial lifestyle.
4. Unresolved Past Issues
If you want to build a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time, wrap every unresolved issue in your life around a heavy stone and toss it into the sea.
Did you know I used to think that the issues you should not carry into your relationship are issues from your past relationships?
Until I discovered that beyond past relationship issues, unresolved conflicts, childhood trauma, and mental health challenges are issues that can also destroy your relationship.
If you want to build a healthy relationship, resolve all of these issues as soon as possible.
If you have not resolved all of it before your lover comes, make sure to talk to them about whatever you have been carrying from the beginning so that you both can work out ways to overcome it.
Carrying unresolved issues from the past into your present relationship is bad enough.
Hiding them from your partner is worse.
You do not want to lose out on what would have been a very beautiful relationship, do you?
5. Lack of Intimacy
I have a deep-seated respect for people in long-distance relationships.
How do you do it?
How do you survive it?
I know we are in a digital age where we can now live in virtual realities.
But that music artiste was too correct when he said, “The telephone can’t take the place of your smile” in his song.
It is true that you can build emotional intimacy over the phone, but there’s only so much you can do when you are not physically present with your partner.
When there is no intimacy in the relationship, the partners are giving room for dissatisfaction.
So as much as possible, try to maintain intimacy through affection and sexual activity.
Also build emotional intimacy through sharing your thoughts, dreams, and fears.
If you’re in a relationship where you and your partner do not engage in heartfelt conversations or engage in physical touch, it is just a matter of time before you begin to feel cold and disconnected.
Like you are in a relationship with someone who is very distant.
6. Jealousy and Insecurity
People who are in love with each other usually get jealous of each other every now and then.
You love this person and you want nothing more than to have them all to yourself.
So when something that looks like a threat or a rival arises, it stirs up jealousy in the heart.
Now jealousy is only an emotion until it is acted upon.
And it is the accompanying action that can kill a relationship.
When you feel threatened by someone or something in your partner’s life, how do you react?
Do you become insecure and begin to entertain doubts and suspicions about your partner, or do you approach your partner from a place of trust and talk to them about it?
Jealousy and insecurity can easily become a threat to the trust and happiness in your relationship.
And without even knowing it, your behaviour towards them will begin to reflect your fears and insecurities.
7. Poor Work-Life Balance
I spent a few months with a man who was a workaholic.
Trust me, you don’t want to be with a workaholic.
And someone said, “If you are with a man who does not work, you’ll complain. Now you’re with a man who works and you’re complaining.”
It was a very lame thing to say, and I didn’t answer a word.
You can’t know why you shouldn’t be with a workaholic until you’re with one.
And I really hope you do not experience it.
They live their lives like their work is the breath they breathe.
A workaholic will choose their work over you over and over again, not thinking how this will affect you or your relationship negatively.
If you are a workaholic, you should stay away from being in a relationship.
You don’t need it.
You’ll only put your partner through unnecessary trauma.
If you must, you must learn to balance work and personal life.
After Eliminating these relationship killers, you must invest in relationship builders to keep your relationship and make it what you want.
A relationship is a worksite where people have to keep working if they want the most of it.
So, don’t tire.
Put in the necessary effort it takes to keep your relationship going.