As humans, we are very limited in so many ways.
We make mistakes every now and then.
We misunderstand things, misjudge things, and perceive things wrongly.
That is why I would always say “if you’re looking for a perfect person, you probably are looking for someone who does not exist.”
When you get into a marriage, do so with the mindset that your spouse will definitely make mistakes.
Maybe more often than not.
It is the duty of partners in marriage to look out for each other and make up for each other’s insufficiencies.
Where your spouse is lagging, you should be the first person to notice and to hold them up before it gets to the eyes of the public.
If you want your marriage to be healthy, you must address issues every now and then and correct your spouse where they are wrong.
It is not an easy thing to do, especially because you are not exactly sure of how your partner will receive your correction.
And that is why you must do it in a way that doesn’t hurt their feelings or damage your marriage.
Correct them in love and try as much as possible to not expose to embarrassment in the process of correcting them.
Let’s consider 7 practical strategies to help you to correct your spouse without hurting them.
7 Ways to Correct Your Spouse Without Hurting Their Feelings
1. Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing is everything.
You can be set to do something very good and beneficial to someone but if you do it at the wrong time, it may result in chaos and issues you did not bargain for.
For instance, bringing up an issue in the heat of the moment or in a public setting can leave your spouse feeling very embarrassed.
And when you embarrass them like that, they become defensive and unable to receive your correction.
The time when your spouse makes a mistake may not be the best time to correct them.
I think it is the pressing need to show that you know more that makes people put their spouse in an embarrassing situation just because they want to correct them.
If you want to keep the peace in your home, find a quiet and private time when the situation has cool down and when you both are in a good mood.
Then you can calmly speak to your spouse about their mistakes and how they can do it better next time.
When you do this, it shows that you have respect for your spouse and for their feelings
2. Use “I” Statements
When you want to correct your spouse after they have made a mistake or done something wrong, accusations and fault finding is not the best way to go to avoid issues.
When addressing an issue, instead of pointing accusing fingers and saying: “you did this. It was wrong.” use statements that reflect your own feelings.
For instance, say, “I feel upset when the dishes are left in the sink” instead of “You never do the dishes.”
Yes, it is a bad habit for your spouse to leave the dishes in the sink when they ought to do it, but marriages that stand that test of time are marriages where both partners have learnt to respect themselves in every situation and time.
When you use the “I” statements you turn the focus from your spouse to yourself.
You are able to address the situation without blaming your spouse or disrespecting them.
If your spouse is someone who cares about your feelings, it is easier for them to want to adjust and make corrections to please you and not hurt your feelings anymore.
3. Be Specific and Clear
Imagine someone comes to you and says, “you keep doing this thing; I do not like it” and do not say what it is you are doing that they do like.
Or if someone says to you, “I don’t like the way you talk” your next move to is to want to know what area of the conversation hurt their feeling.
Because someone cannot possibly dislike the way you talk every time except that they are petty and do not just like you.
When you are correcting your spouse try as much as possible to avoid vagueness in your complaint.
Vague complaints confuse your spouse and make it harder for them to understand what needs to change.
And if they don’t know or are sure of what you are talking about, they will not be able to make the necessary adjustments that you desire.
Try to be specific about the behavior that is bothering you and explain why it’s an issue.
The more concise your communication and complaints, the better they are able to work on it.
4. Express Your Love and Appreciation
Your partner cannot possibly be bad at everything.
There must be one or two things that they are good at.
One way to correct your partner without disrespecting them or making them feel like you do not love them is to be someone who continually shows appreciation to them.
Also, before diving into the issue, start by expressing your love and appreciation for your spouse.
Even in the situation or event that happened where they made the mistake, there must have been something they did right.
Appreciate them for it before you go on to spell out the mistakes they made.
Make it a habit to acknowledge their positive qualities and the things they do well.
This can soften the impact of your correction and remind them that your intention is to improve their life and the marriage, not to criticize them as a person.
5. Stay Calm and Patient
You know there is a way someone does something and we feel like if we do not correct them right now there’s no point correcting them again.
But if you are angry or frustrated, that time is the worst time to correct them.
You must learn to stay calm and patient.
Ask yourself what will happen if you correct your spouse at this time and what will happen if you save it for later.
Compare the positives and the negatives and decide what time is the best.
But whatever time you think is best make sure your demeanor is calm and collected.
Don’t correct your spouse in anger – no matter how pure your intentions are, it cannot be received with love.
If you must do it at that time, take a deep breathe, keep your tone even, and give your spouse time to respond.
Being patient with your spouse show that you respect their perspective and are willing to work together to find a solution.
6. Listen to Them
It is not everything that looks and feels wrong to you that is actually wrong.
You must learn to listen to your spouse’s point of view and see what sense there is to it.
What felt like something wrong might only be a wrong perception or misunderstanding.
When you express your concern, listen to your spouse, hear them out, and do not invalidate their perspective.
Listening to them shows that you are not pointing out their mistakes to shame them but to correct them and make the relationship better.
If you misjudged them, apologize and admit that you were wrong.
For communication to be effective it has to be two-ways.
Two people committed to each other’s growth and development and continuous improvements in their marriage.
Listening to your spouse helps to build mutual understanding and makes it easier to find a resolution that works for both of you.
7. Avoid Bringing Up Past Issues
I hear people say, “this is how you did the last time…” when they are correcting people.
It is a wrong thing to say especially when your goal is to improve their life and not dig up their past.
Bringing up past issues during a correction can make your spouse feel overwhelmed and defensive.
If your spouse does something that hurts you in the now, talk about it in the now.
Whatever they did in the past should have been forgiven and left behind.
Bringing up past hurts when a partner makes a mistake or does something wrong shows that you haven’t forgiven them, and this has the ability destroy your marriage.
Focus on the current issue at hand and avoid dredging up old arguments.
If there are past issues that are affecting your current relationship, it might be helpful to address them separately in a calm and constructive manner.
It is better that you learn to correct your spouse with love than that you leave them to receive corrections from outsiders.
If someone else corrects them over something that you should have, it would feel like you have been patronizing them.