I am one person who would continually preach pouring your all into a relationship you’re investing in without waiting for the other person to.
But we live in a very funny world that has made me begin to revise my advice:
“Pour your all into a relationship but keep your eyes open to see that your partner is giving the same energy.”
You can retrieve some of your all if you realize that you are the only one pouring into the relationship, because why not?
Relationships ought to be things that bring people together in unity and harmony.
In togetherness and oneness of mind.
There are some things we expect a man to do in relationships as fulfilling his role in the relationship.
And some of these things are so serious that if a man fails to do them, we can safely conclude that you are using your woman just for your own benefit.
And as a woman, there are ways to know if your man is only using you.
And you need to know this so that it can advice your level of investment in a relationship.
7 Things He Does When He’s Just Using You
1. He’s Only Around When He Needs Something
You know how someone never calls you unless they want something?
So much so that whenever you see their calls you begin to wonder what they want this time.
It is a huge red flag.
He won’t even call you or text you unless you do.
The conversation is always one-sided until they need a favour from you.
Relationships are not supposed to be like that.
It is supposed to be a game of two in which the two people involved are completely involved and invested in the relationship.
If the reverse is the case in your relationship, your man is probably just using you.
2. He Avoids Deep Conversations
A man who is with you only to benefit from you is not interested in having any form of deep conversation with you.
Trying to push him into having deep conversations with you is setting him up to expose his heart to you.
And he doesn’t want that because his heart is not pure and clean towards you.
He is also not interested in building a genuine emotional connection with you.
So when you both are having a conversation, he is careful to keep the discussion very light and avoid conversations about the future or how you feel about him.
Whenever you try to get serious, he’ll only make a joke of it and wave it off.
He’s using you.
A man who’s truly interested in you will want to know your thoughts, dreams, and fears and will be willing to share his own at all times.
3. He’s Not Interested in Your Life
How can you be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know what is going on in your life and is not interested in knowing?
A guy who genuinely cares about you will show interest in your life.
He’ll want to know about your day, your dreams, your fears, and your passions.
If your man has never asked about you or forgets important details you’ve shared, it’s a clear sign he’s not invested in you as a person.
Pay attention to whether he remembers the little things you tell him or is completely indifferent about you and the goings-on in your life.
If he is truly interested in you, he will listen to you when you speak, ask follow-up questions, and remember significant details about your life.
4. He Keeps You at Arm’s Length
Another way to know if your man is using you is by observing your position in life.
Some women are outsiders in their men’s lives.
They don’t know anything more than what’s on the surface.
Some people on the street know more about your man than you do, and you have been together for a while.
I know a woman who used to hear information about her man from his colleague.
Without that, she has no idea what is going on with him.
Let’s not even talk about his family and friends.
He is reluctant to introduce you to his friends and family, and if a situation arises where he has to, he introduces you as a distant friend.
You can easily tell that he is neither serious about you nor the relationship.
Someone who’s committed to you will want to bring you into all aspects of his life.
He will bring you to social gatherings, talk about you to his close ones, and make plans that include both of your lives.
5. He’s Inconsistent
Then there’s the part where he is inconsistent.
You can’t equate his words with his actions, and neither can you rely on him to come through.
It is a major red flag.
He is sweet and attentive one day and distant or unavailable the next.
He’s most likely using you at his convenience.
So pay attention to how his mood and availability change.
Check whether they align more with his needs and interests than with your and the relationship’s needs.
A man who is invested in you will be consistent with loving and being there for you.
But if he’s just using you, he will only be consistent for as long as he needs something.
6. He Doesn’t Make an Effort
A healthy relationship thrives on the effort of the two parties.
A relationship cannot stand well with a healthy balance when it is held by one person.
So you and your partner must bring in the same level of energy and willingness to the relationship.
And you’ll know that a man is pretty serious about you when he puts in as much effort as you do into the relationship and does not slack.
He’ll put in all the work necessary to keep the relationship thriving.
But the one who is using you only puts in as much effort as is needed to get him something off you and the relationship.
Anything outside that you’ll find that he has a perfect excuse for being unable to do the things he’s supposed to do.
7. He Avoids Labels
If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who cannot refer to you as his girlfriend or his woman to outsiders and between you two, just know that you are in for a long haul.
Why is he introducing his boys as his friends, introducing someone who he is close with as his friend?
He also introduces you as his friend.
Why?
It is wrong.
Why is he avoiding defining the relationship and putting a label to it?
If he keeps hesitating to call you his girlfriend or he refuses to discuss the future of the relationship with you it’s likely because he’s keeping his options open.
I mean, what wouldn’t be proud of his woman and flaunt her?
The one that isn’t flaunting you and isn’t putting a label on you is only keeping you for a ‘just in case’ situation.
So he gets to enjoy the benefit of being with you without actually being with you.
When you see these signs in your relationship, it is important to first address them.
Have a conversation with him about how you feel concerning the issue.
If he’s willing to listen and make changes, there might be hope for the relationship.
But if he dismisses your concerns or continues the same behaviour, you can begin to reconsider if this relationship is right for you.
Don’t ever forget that you deserve to be with someone who values, respects, and is genuinely invested in you. Don’t settle for someone who only uses you for their benefit.
And moving on after this can be tough, but it’s a necessary step to finding the happiness and love you truly deserve.