It is quite difficult to tell people who think they are in love to break up. This is one of the most difficult discussion people wants to get into. A lot of people even shy away from telling their friends, siblings, colleagues or children to cut off ties with someone they are emotionally attached to.
However, they say “broken relationship is better than broken marriage”. It is better to breakup from a relationship no matter how long it has gone rather than getting married to someone you are probably not sure of having a lasting marriage with.
A lot of people stay longer in a relationship for the wrong reasons, many keep up because of pity when they should have let go. Needn’t I say that I admire the people who have the courage to respectfully walk out of a relationship they are no longer comfortable with. I know that a breakup Is a hard pill to swallow, but trust me, it is better for anyone to cut ties with you if they aren’t feeling you anymore than hanging there without meeting your expectations.
Many times, the one who spills the beans is tagged the “demon”, while the recipient feels like a “victim”. But having it in mind that not all relationships will lead to marriage would help people define the standard they want in their relationships and if its anything short of that, without having the zeal to work it out for better, then the best is for both partners to go their separate ways.
Knowing fully well that people will rarely tell you to breakup with your lover is why you should be brave to do check and balances in your relationship and know when to say “goodbye” for the common good of both parties.
Here are signs for you to know that it is time to break up
If your partner emotionally abuses you
I mentioned this because a lot of people are not physically abused in their relationships but unfortunately, they are being abused emotionally. People have partners who uses the “emotional blackmail” approach for them, but they don’t pay attention to it just because “love is blind right”? If your partner humiliates, judges or unfairly criticizes you all the time, making you feel less of yourself, then you need to think maybe its time to break up in order to maintain your self esteem.
If the only meaningful conversation you have is about sex
If your partner rarely has any sensible conversation with you outside of sex, there is every possibility that he or she is just using you to satisfy sexual pleasure, and no matter how far you in the relationship, you may not add any value to yourself.
If your partner is too clingy
It won’t be in your best interest if you have a partner who wants to always control your schedule and deny you the freedom to mix with other loved ones in your life. This is common about narcissistic lovers who just want to have you to themselves always. Sometimes, they tend to do it out of love, but imagine what a partner whom you haven’t get married but won’t let you breathe do when you eventually marry.
If you are not convinced of the big picture
A lot of times, people see signs and reasons why they may not have a fulfilling and lasting relationship with their partners but they ignore these signs. Most of the people who end up marrying serial cheat or temperamental persons have always known, but they’d think they would change with time until they are eventually trapped with their emotions and can’t break free. If you are yet to have that conviction in you that you are with the right person and still having that doubt, then its time for you to do a critical evaluation of your relationship.
If your family and friends don’t support your relationship
I know your happiness matters and you have all it takes to defend your interest since you have the right to love whom you want. But, if you have the right circle of trusted family and friends, you may want to consider how they feel about your partner, because often times they are not blinded by emotions and can see if your lover is treating you right or not. For instance, true family and friends have helped people quit an abusive relationship when they don’t have the self confidence to do that by themselves. If you have to lie to your close ally about the personality of your partner, then you need to ask yourself if you are on the right path.
If you are usually bored and feel stuck in the relationship
If you find it hard to connect to our partner irrespective of the nice things he or she does to lighten up your mood and spice the relationship. If being with your partner doesn’t make you feel like you are in your comfort, then something isn’t right.
If you don’t feel safe being with your partner
There are so many vices these days, and its unfortunate that some persons keep up their relationship with someone whom they can’t stay with securely. If you don’t know the kind of company your lover keeps, if you don’t know the kind of jobs they do. Or if the moves of your partner is questionable and unpredictable, its time to tell yourself the bitter truth.
If you are both completely on different pages
The feelings in a relationship is meant to be mutual, but when you begin to feel as if the love is one-sided, or when you seem not to share agreeable views on most things, there may be a problem. On a good day, you are not supposed to force your feelings on your partner, but when you begin to think or act this way. Then it might be time.
If you don’t talk or plan the future together
It is baffling how people date for many years without having plans for the future. If after few years of being in a relationship, your partner doesn’t put you in the larger picture, with no plans of settling down when that is your own expectation from the relationship. If your plan is to get married and your partner doesn’t have that on their bucket list soon, you may have to sit together and iron it out.
If you are with a “padlock” partner
Many people just hook their partners up in order to prevent them from moving on, especially with no concrete plans of walking down the aisle together. Of course, not all relationships would lead to marriage, but every person involved in a relationship needs to clearly state their goals while both parties work towards the common goal. I remember saying this while I was single that I can’t wear am engagement ring for more than six months into marriage, and that I discussed with my then fiance now husband, and thankfully we were on the same page. I see a lot of ladies put on engagement rings for years against their wishes, and they continue to keep silent rather than discussing this with their partner. Also, some men have proposed to their girlfriends and they turn down the proposal with no tangible reasons. If you are in this shoe, its time to re-evaluate.
If you fight more than you cheer
A lot of people are in toxic relationships, they are aware, but can’t work out the reasons for these incessant fights and yet wont separate. I knew a couple who can’t go a day without fighting. They even fought on their engagement ceremony that was meant to be a memorable day, to the extent that their family sat them together and suggested they parted ways, but they won’t just agree. So, if the unhappy moments you have in your relationship is more than the cheerful one, you may have to think it through. Toxic relationships lead to toxic marriages and it is better to avert that scenario.
If you don’t communicate well
How can your relationship grow for you and partner to get the best out of it if there is poor communication? You don’t need to choke your partner, but it is important to share your feelings with each other. If your partner doesn’t deem it fit to regularly speak with you when together or not, then something isn’t right. I’ve had people complain that their partners don’t call them for days and won’t return their calls either. If you find yourself in this situation, you may have to see if everything is right because it seems not normal.
If you are scared of asking your partner for more
It is normal to tell your partner what they need to improve on, in order to make your relationship better. It is not about being over demanding, over emotional or nagging, but it is about being free to express your needs and wants to the one you love. If your partner has instilled so much fear you that you now see a normal conversation as something you are unwilling to have, then you may likely not be fulfilled in your love life if you keep this feeling of resentment to yourself.
If you don’t trust your partner
They say “what is love without trust”? if your partner has hurt you in the past and you haven’t found a way to forgive and not hold it against them in the future, then it is better to have a rethink. There is no point holding on to someone you can’t vouch for.
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