Emotional security is the measure of the stability of an individual’s emotional state. There are persons whose general happiness is not very shaken, not even by major disturbances in the pattern of their life, such people might be tagged to be extremely emotionally secure.
People become emotionally insecure when they start feeling uneasy or nervous and this is usually triggered by perceiving themselves as being vulnerable or inferior in certain way, or having a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens their self-image or ego.
Emotional safety is one of the most essential aspects of a satisfying connection in a loving relationship. We need to feel safe before we can be vulnerable, and according to Brené Brown , “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Some people are easily turned off by the idea of prioritizing safety in their relationship because they take a “safe” relationship to be a “boring” one, but it turns out that the secure relationship everyone desire is cultivated best when one feels safe.
Emotional security allows you to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. Most people desire a caring, loving, deeply supportive, and emotionally safe relationship with a romantic partner, yet almost everyone suffers from emotional insecurity at one time or another.
Things People Crave in a Relationship
Love, respect, acceptance, being desired, passion, security are the things a man or woman want in their relationship. Of a fact, these are vitals everyone probably wants, though there are definitely others and this is specific to individuals.
Everyone wants to be unconditionally accepted by their spouses without having a feeling of judgment and unfair criticism. Being able to honestly communicate, be oneself, and feel emotionally safe.
Symbol of an Emotionally Secure Relationship
Trust: Trust that the other person has one’s best interest at heart and treat one as if they do. A person will feel emotionally secure with a partner who is emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and real.
These attributes are the emotional character strengths that one respects and admires in a partner. Everyone wants a partner they can trust for who they are, not weak persons that will bend to the whims of other people.
Moreover, people should love themselves so much that they don’t need to gain the acceptance of others by trying to be something they are not. These are one of the admirable things that makes partners feel secure in a relationship.
Reliability or Commitment: Aside gaining the trust of one’s partner, some people need the assurance that the relationship is solid and will work out for the very best at the long run.
For instance, when partners spend time together doing chores such as cleaning and cooking, it sends a message that they are being committed to each other. Sometimes, people are scared to invest time with someone who may not give a long-lasting happiness.
They want to know if the partner has the capacity and willingness to match them for a deeper emotional commitment. People can also be scared of break up, having emotionally-invested in a relationship. So, they need to feel safe from the potential pain of heartbreak.
This kind of security is really about protecting oneself from the painful emotions that come from fears of break up and being alone. When a partner is distant emotionally or physically from one, it may bring up feelings of loneliness. Seeking this type of emotional security can lead to emotional drama.
Communication: Ongoing communication with one’s partner enhances emotional security. One should be free enough with one’s partner to openly speak about it when feeling insecure.
It is also necessary to note that your partner may not realize the specific behaviour that led to your insecurities or you may realize that your emotion was bigger than his/her action.
If you are confused by something your partner said or did, rather than making assumptions, ask what he/she meant. Insecurity can increase when you make the wrong assumptions about your partner’s behaviour.
For instance, in your view, an oversight may be termed as a rejection while your partner may simply be overwhelmed with a busy work schedule. Be open to having inevitable difficult conversations and going for a win-win solution.
Romance: Partners should be present for each other, actively listening, feeling touch and responding to each other.
According to the PsychologyToday.com article, “Be in the Moment, Feel More Secure,” being mindful of your partner means paying attention to him/her in the moment without passing judgment.
Mindfulness yield relationship satisfaction, it helps to increase security within a relationship as well. Don’t hold your partner hostage with demands for how a relationship should be. Always negotiate your individual needs and only touch by consent.
Growth and Support: Partners are meant to be the most ardent cheerleader of their spouses. Emotional safety gives one the freedom to collaborate, dream, to be wildly creative, share bold ideas, feel increased compassion, and express one’s feelings freely with one another.
People should see their partners as an ally and not an adversary. Moreover, relationships are not 50/50, but 100/100 with each partner bringing all of who they are to the table.
Respect: Partners should respect each other. There shouldn’t be name calling or use of demeaning language. Taking responsibility for one’s feelings and not casting blame is equally essential.
There shouldn’t be verbal threats and most importantly, treat your relationship as if it is a living breathing entity.
Emotional security is also a function of brain chemistry, some people are naturally liable to feel less happy, and to be more adversely affected by natural event.
However, it is imperative for partners to know if the insecurity feelings of their spouses is not by their action and it’s a natural phenomenon. Certain medications are often prescribed to address such natural deficiencies.
In conclusion, emotional security and happiness can only be guaranteed by mastering one’s mind and doing away with false beliefs. At the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own happiness and security.
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